natural hair only for pretty black women? | Black Girl with Long Hair Black Girl with Long Hair | Natural Hair Styles and Natural Hair Care

14 August 2009 ~ 90 Comments

natural hair only for pretty black women?

Some thought-provoking comments have been left on some recent posts. They suggest that natural hair is only for the beautiful.

Comment #1
some of these same women who cannot let go of their hair have been called monkeys and too black and have seen their sisters and mothers run from the sun.

like i said before, i just feel that these women who have not yet freed themselves should be criticized because of it and to answer your question, no i don’t see many bald head dark skin women walking around just as they are not on tv or in magazines but i do see many dark skin women with blonde weaves and perms

beauty is superfical but it is the first thing that ppl will see and judge you on and you can’t deny that.

Comment #2
I really hate when ppl say that it is just hair, its not. never has been for black women and never will be.

also long hair is a preference to most black men so that is also an important aspect when it comes to dating with black women who wish to marry a black man. …

take me for example, i get many looks and compliments from ppl when my hair is out-long and relaxed but when i wear braids, i am hardly noticed.

for women who are not as extraordinarily gorgeous as zara is, it is not just hair.

and anything that god himself took the time, thought and consideration to bless us with can nver be JUST ANYTHING!

Comment #3
it is always someone who is beautiful who wants to talk about how beauty is not such a big deal…if you only knew.

I can understand the insecurity that leads many black women to pursue weaves/relaxers/extensions but I think that accepting natural hair has less to do with what’s beautiful/hot/attractive to others, and more to do with adjusting our view of what’s normal. Natural hair is just that — natural. It’s how our hair grows out of our head. Ultimately we have to come to terms with that, no matter what others think. That’s just my take.
What are your thoughts?

@12:45pm, jenteel says: by request from leila, i will post my thoughts originally posted as a comment on the matter:

i haven’t commented on a few of the recent posts because i could already see where the conversation was going…like foxy not-so brown stated on her very own feature, i too am really tired with the color complex “blame game”. like leila stated, the deeper issue is that black people lack unity.

look at black women. take a good hard look. the insecurities are plastered on front street. even these “celebrity” black women that are “worshiped” are not even secure enough in themselves to be themselves. yet i see women “envy” them and fall all over themselves in attempts to copy them. look at the numerous celebrities who get plastic surgery. the majority of black female celebrities have undergone rhinoplasty. i don’t know what it will take for women (and not just black women) to get it. THE INSECURITY NEVER STOPS, NO MATTER THE LEVEL. as previously stated, you have to fortify yourself with your own happy force field so that no one can touch you!

as a woman especially, you cannot rely on others to build up your self-esteem. even if you are seen as “beautiful” by the majority, you will still get criticized or judged. look at all the women taking the opportunity to cut down celebrities any chance they get on these gossip blogs; projecting their own insecurities trying to feel better about themselves.

i so respect this comment by shandra e because it is the pure honest truth: “i’m just SCARY without a cause & i’ll use any excuse to justify/maintain my fear!! =/lol.”

but i can’t stomach some of the others….i view some of the other comments as cross contamination of personal insecurity projected towards other women. i am not judging you, but your personal opinions do not reflect the purpose of this blog. there are too many beautiful black women showcased here. too many. you wanted “proof”, we give you proof. everyday. now maybe YOU don’t think these women are beautiful. this may be because of what your own opinions of beauty are, especially since most black women have been brainwashed since day one, usually by their own family members that they are not good enough.

but at BGLH, a wide range of beauty is profiled, so that women can “get it”. even if it may not be projected in your personal sphere, these pictures are supposed to serve as encouragement to counter the pressures and/or difficulties that may be encountered on the journey to go natural that is very much tied into acceptance of self.

once you make the decision to go natural there are no more excuses. you agree to accept your hair “as is”. if after going natural, you feel it’s not for you that’s fine too. we are given this life to make choices that suit our individual lifestyles.

i know where the insecurity is stemming from. we all know. there’s nothing wrong with experimentation but, point blank: if your security is chained together with a box of relaxer or weave or to what you think a man likes, those are issues that you and only you can confront.

we are all here to support one another on the unique natural journey, no matter what form that takes. but please stop making excuses and confront these personal insecurities. take action: surround yourself with positive/forward thinking people. limit your interactions with negative/toxic people. the process doesn’t happen over night, but at least try! then we can at least work together (instead of against each other) past them. similar to what monique stated: stop letting people tell you who and what you are. define for yourself who and what you are.

~j~

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90 Responses to “natural hair only for pretty black women?”

  1. Shandra E...*the misses 14 August 2009 at 5:29 am Permalink

    hmmm well, Being "pretty" means so many different things and skin color never crosses my mind! However, facial features do! Someone can be gorgeous, but perhaps their specific features look better with longer/shorter hair! As i stated before, i'm worried that short hair will EXagerate my bust size which is "healthy" for my weight, height & shape! Also because i'm petite, us petite girls tend to have shorter necks and that was a concern too?! But skin color is nothing: Jada's carmel skin looks lovely with short hair, so does Estelle and India Arie!! And so far i have loved all the guest/featured BC pics you have posted of other bloggers!! So the fear is not limited to skin tone or even beauty…more so specif features! Ex. I have full lips, button nose, & high round cheek bones…what's more rare is seeing someone with a 'round face' rocking a uber short cut; it's Rarely a good look! we need at least chin length hair to balance out our facial structure! so girl, i don't know, i love my Face, my features, & my chocolate skin…i'm just SCARY without a cause & i'll use any excuse to justify/maintain my fear!! =/
    lol…but i'm really going for the BC because i NEED it! and hmm, "naturally" my hair is medium/long in legnth & it grows fast so would rocking it short be "unnatural"??? lol…i'm just antagonizing; disregard that! ;o)

  2. Anonymous 14 August 2009 at 6:11 am Permalink

    Sometimes I wonder why there are people in this world who fully know they are "enslaved" yet want to grip their chains even harder. People, we only have one life. It's time to rise up and go against the lies society has told you once and for all. That is where you find the strength that comes from God within you. If not, you will regret it by the time you are six feet under…

    God made natural hair. Obviosuly, natural hair is not only for "pretty black women" but for ALL black women.

    Also remember: beauty is NOT a virtue.

  3. Crissy 14 August 2009 at 6:11 am Permalink

    I think natural hair looks beautiful on all. I have seen many women with natural hair, braids or just bald. I really do think it's beautiful and they just come off as confident, happy and fun. I do love bald women because it just makes their eyes and smile pop. Sooo pretty!

    It's beautiful, unique and normal.

    If you can't accept that then that's your problem.

  4. Sugabelly 14 August 2009 at 6:16 am Permalink

    While I agree that natural hair has to do with adjusting our view of what's normal, it is also important to realise that it is also about beauty.

    The bottom line is: All women want to be considered beautiful by others. All women want to be considered at the very least, marginally desirable. Women want to be desired by men. Sure, cat calls and other silly behaviour is taking it a little too far and borderline harassment, but at the same time part of being a woman is being desirable to a man, and a lot of Black women don't feel desirable to men with natural hair.

    Study after study has shown that most men prefer long hair, so it only follows that huge numbers of Black women should harbour secret beauty insecurities about their hair because of its gravity-defying properties.

    And that is also the reason why women like Beyonce are so desirable to men. She is curvaceous and very feminine-shaped which loads of men like, then on top of it she has this long silky flowing weave which basically seals the deal.

    Black women who go natural on the other hand have to deal with the fact that there are lots of men out there who might not consider them pretty because their hair doesn't blow in the wind and isn't down to their waist.

    Whether men have developed this preference for long hair through conditioning I cannot tell you, but what I can tell you is this. It has been scientifically proven that majority of men PREFER long hair on women. It doesn't mean they won't date short-haired women, but again PREFER is the key word here. Can't remember the documentation link but I'm sure if you look you'll find it.

    Black women are the only group of women whose natural hair doesn't swing down seductively so of course there will be insecurities.

    Sure going natural is about learning to accept who you are, but trust me, accepting who you are is ten times easier than accepting who other people see you as.

    It's unfair, but at the end of the day, I have heard lots of guys say (and I am sure other people have heard guys in their environment say) that women with natural aren't as pretty as women with long silky hair. I have also heard guys go crazy and enthuse and obsess over girls with long waist or butt length hair solely for the length of their hair.

    Now how do you think a woman who just went natural feels when she hears this kind of stuff? It's bad enough that other people just plain don't think her god-given hair is AS pretty, then on top of that there's the growing suspicion that her hair might be negating from her beauty and desirability as seen in the eyes of men.

    Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

  5. Rhapsody in PURPLE! 14 August 2009 at 6:27 am Permalink

    I think the first to comments were on the ignorant side.There are exactly the reason why some women are stuck in the prison of a mindset.

    The last one however is very true to me. However I think that when a woman TRULY excepts herself is whan she is most beautiful, physically or not, because she is untouched by what everyone says to her.That goes for women with natural and relaxed hair.She knows deep down that it is HER.

    Natural hair isn't "for the beautiful" its to make you FEEL beautiful. a way to search yourself, its a journey. its the journey that's beautiful as well.

    Come on, that's why we have site like this, to aid in the demolition of these close minded ideals.

  6. Foxy not-so Brown 14 August 2009 at 7:05 am Permalink

    If you think only "atractive" women can wear natural hair, you have serious issues.and you are blind…look at all these beaitiful women on this site and other sites like this..I hope these women dont pass this sttitude down to thier children..its time to stop the cycle of self hate..you werent born with a box of perm attached to your umbilical cord..your hair as well as your entire body was designed to be beautiful and compliment you..the creator didnt give us this hair randomly.

    YOU are stopping yourself from being natural..not the media.

  7. Novembersun 14 August 2009 at 7:21 am Permalink

    "but I think that accepting natural hair has less to do with what's beautiful/hot/attractive to others, and more to do with adjusting our view of what's normal.

    Well said black girl with long hair.

    If we can understand that our visions of beauty is not ours at all, (European vision) this is half the battle toward accepting who we are.
    From one black girl with long hair to another I have run into so many women that say, "See, you can wear your hair natural, you're pretty and your hair is long".
    Well I have never relied on my looks or anything so superficial to get me over in life so it's really a discussion about insecurity and the self esteem that people are lacking. Then you can't really have the conversation. Whenever possible I try to encourage women that they are beautiful by simply telling them so. And it’s usually when they are at their most natural state. Un-made up, natural tresses rocked in a fro, up do, twist braids or knots. Women don't realize that what hurts you the most is, not loving the girl/woman in the mirror and further modeling that Eurocentric looking female/male whose, "hopelessly insecure and incurably sad". They sell us this crap all de time in the media.

  8. Lita 14 August 2009 at 7:54 am Permalink

    i think something you said on someone else's blog is pertinent here- 'I feel that my hair is equally beautiful to the hair of any ethnicity. Ironically, when I was flat-ironing my hair or putting braid extensions in it to make it straight and long, I really didn't feel good about my hair as compared to other ethnicities. It felt sub-par.'. i think that being natural often places a person within a different paradigm of beauty, hopefully in a positive way.

  9. Must Love Movies 14 August 2009 at 8:06 am Permalink

    i really really can understand. when i first went to college and got all afrocentric, i was like why do all these women feel the need to wear weaves and braids and perm? however, after some hard times and getting my hair chopped off again i really understood. it can be hard to make yourself feel good. looking in the mirror and not looking good has to be hurdle to say i am still this amazing person. i've been natural for almost 8 years. (i've lost count) i have gone through many looks.

    the dating game is tough like suga said. i was in a happy environment to go natural and i was like 20. i've had many wanting love wanting to look like everyone else so i can be appreciated moments since the last cut. it is a hard decision to make. i do think it helps to make the transition if you have someone already or if you are young. i do think sometimes a pretty woman can sport some looks better. doesn't change how a short cut feels. i tell you what women don't know there is some real joy to having to do absolutely nothing to your hair with a low low cut but wet it or moisturize it.

    i think beyonce should switch to locks. i want to see how the world would react.

  10. Princess Nasa* 14 August 2009 at 8:09 am Permalink

    I recently just talked to a an ex who says that chicks he thought were pretty were no longer pretty to him because they went natural and cut off their hair. I also have heard countless guys I know say similar things. So, I see it as this: its so much ignorance in this world that we cannot control it but all we can do is continue to educate and reach out because apparently being yourself isnt good enough in this day and time. The more people embrace who they are the better chance we have of changing society's definition of "beautiful" As far as I can see everybody is unique we all have features that make us different and that uniqueness is beauty. i just wan that the whole world to see that too. We don't have to look like the people that is on tv.

  11. Here.She.Is 14 August 2009 at 8:53 am Permalink

    Accepting yourself is key!
    I've been through times when I have felt insecure about myself and though at the time as a teen I thought my hair was my beauty. However I was incredibly insecure evn with the long locks, they were just my safety blanket as I thought I fit in more.

    I really agree with Rhapsody in purple 'when a woman TRULY excepts herself is whan she is most beautiful, physically or not, because she is untouched by what everyone says to her.'

    As even though I had my hair relaxed and long I still didnt feel comfortable. After transitioning for a year the relaxer is gone and I have never felt better about myself and it radiates. I feel I have my happy forcefield surrounding myself away from harmful thoughts from other people if I come across them, because after this long but short journey in my 20 years or life I've finally accepted myself and its a wonderful feeling.

    I have had some shitty comments said to me over my transitioning but those people were ignorant. I've realised only recently that i dont care and its the best feeling ever. Though I do feel a weave is like being a slave to my hair personally. As I wasnt used to having it, hiding tracks and not letting people touch it. It just wasnt me but I dont comdemn women that do because I to did try them maybe i would again only very temporal. I just feel lucky now I've finally found myself and feel free to wonder in the rain, let guys touch my hair. To have my hair grow from my roots naturally, curly kinky iits me and I wouldnt change it.

    Black women shouldnt be condemned for having weaves though they should if they are bad. Neither should natural women.. Like I said accpeting yourself is vital through a weave or not.

    Basically I think if a woman is self confident about herself this repels the bad press and sure men may prefer long beyonce blonde unatural hair but to me that doesnt matter because I'm not out to impress like that. I get feel far better natural then with my weaves back in the day as I'm finally accepted and love myself. As long as black women are out to express who they are and are self loving weave or no weave thats a big step to showing black women are beautiful whatever skin shade or hair type.

  12. Monique 14 August 2009 at 11:33 am Permalink

    I have BC'd 4 times and it wasn't until my fourth chop that I felt beautiful=comfortable with it. *I also have a round face & kinky hair :)

    The media feeds us so many images of what beauty is and sometimes its the antithesis of that which is naturally black: our kinky-curly gravity-defying hair, our dark skin, etc. I think its about self-confidence and ignoring that which is accepted by the majority as "beauty."

    In this sense – you make the rules – you define your own beauty and don't care what anyone else says…can't nobody tell you nothin!

  13. Black girl with long hair 14 August 2009 at 12:25 pm Permalink

    a few things to consider:
    just a few decades ago (in the 60s/70s) afros were the dominant style among black people in america. relaxers are only about 100 years old.

    even if men prefer long hair on women, does that mean it has to be straight? we have profiled many women on this blog with huge heads of hair that are technically 'long'. afro-textured hair does grow. let's not forget that.

    natural hair is still in the minority in america (and MANY other countries for that matter), and i think much of the insecurity around it really has to do with the fact that it is uncommon. because honestly, on a daily basis i see relaxers and weaves that look A MESS! i see women who would NEVER go natural, but continue to relax/weave their hair although it looks terrible and ridiculous — and they might even admit that it does. in that instance, does it have more to do with beauty? or does it have more to do with rejecting what is normal/natural?

    and finally, i think that black people generally speaking don't have enough pride in their culture. this is a thorny issue and i don't want to delve into it right here… but it goes BEYOND hair. i work as a courts & legal affairs reporter, and if you SAW how much violence (murder, aggravated battery, theft) is BLACK on BLACK you would be SHOCKED! 70% of all murders in chicago in 2008 were black men killing other black men. and a smaller, but significant portion was black women being killed in domestic disputes.

    black people lack unity and they lack pride. i think we need to STOP giving a f*ck what other people think of our hair and start supporting each other! our insecurities are helping people make BILLIONS of dollars off of us (through the sale of relaxers/weaves/etc)

  14. sewdope 14 August 2009 at 1:02 pm Permalink

    the first comment i can understand. that has to do more with changing your mindset about looks and breaking free from the crazy comments that you digest from family and friends. i also use to run from the sun because i didn't want to get too black and hear my family comments. how dumb is that!

    but the second one is ridiculous. men respond confidence and how you carry yourself. it doesn't matter how i wear my hair. if i'm walking around with my head held high and a pleasant look on my face i get approached by men regardless of what's going on with my hair. if you think you look bad other people will too because of they type of energy you're giving off.

    and to comment on sugabelly's remarks. i don't not agree that men are stuck on long hair. men loved halley berry when she had short hair. everyone loved t-boz back in day. men love amber rose and rihanna. it's all about your attitude and how you present yourself. of course there are some men who just have a preference for women with long hair and thank god they aren't attracted to me. i don't want anyone to want me because of my hair.

  15. sewdope 14 August 2009 at 1:05 pm Permalink

    ""our insecurities are helping people make BILLIONS of dollars off of us (through the sale of relaxers/weaves/etc)""

    amen!

  16. Anonymous 14 August 2009 at 2:06 pm Permalink

    I am dark-skinned and when I was fully relaxed (I am transitioning and almost done!), I was considered as having "good hair." When my cousins first went natural, I thought they both looked great but I KNEW it was something I would NEVER do, because…because WHAT? Hindsight is 20/20. Looking back now I believed it was something I would never do because I had bought into the idea of being some rare unicorn: dark-skin, pretty face, AND "good" hair.

    Just this week my younger cousin said to me to never wear my hair like THAT again (a day-old two strand twist on perm rods), and that I was a pretty girl and when my hair is straight I am even more pretty. Then to make this worse, but to illustrate from where your post stems, she says, "Do you remember in Roots when they took the slaves from Africa? You look just like the African wife." Honestly I don't remember what part of the movie she was referring, but what she said was so NEGATIVELY PROFOUND. TRANSLATION: Unadulterated black is ugly. That's what she thought about me, and that's what she must think about herself.

    Good thing I am learning to love my hair and disregard the discouragement and haters. In the end I know that I will make a positive impact on black people, and show them our hair is beautiful. This truly is a journey.

    P.S. As for the aesthetic of wearing natural afro-textured hair, it's all about the cut and moisture level. Despite the texture, if the cut compliments you and the moisture is balanced for your type, you're good to go, and you've got "GOOD" hair.

  17. Breath of Light 14 August 2009 at 2:28 pm Permalink

    I think it is sad that people give so much power to other peoples opinion. My question is: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF?

    While I agree part of our self esteem comes from outside acceptance, I can't fanthom why in the world you think someone else needs to accept you when you don't accept yourself? THAT is serious problem. I grew up being called all the derrogetory names you can call a dark skinned person. And it very much affected the way I felt about myself. But I no longer allow other people to define me and what is beautiful to me or about me. It was/is a process of self love that needs to happen before we stop having grown black women feeling helpless because they CHOOSE to accept someone elses opinion of what makes them beautiful or not.

  18. song4ochun 14 August 2009 at 2:33 pm Permalink

    All of these insecurities really sadden me. But in a world where women are supposed to be "objects of desire" it unfortunately makes perfect sense. Our society really takes female appearance to an extreme & hurts the mentality of both men & women.

    I wish that more women stopped caring so much about what ignorant/brainwashed men preferred. Their perspectives are obviously tainted & they're opinions don't matter, so who cares. All that matters is being true to ourselves, the beauty follows that inevitably…and so does the good man or woman with a much healthier perspective. It's all about integrity.

  19. True2me 14 August 2009 at 2:43 pm Permalink

    i admit that at times and alot of days I dont feel like my hair is pretty at all. I have been wearing my hair natural all summer because My hair just doesn't stay straight in this heat. I am gettin to the point where now I prefer it natural to straight where previously its been the other way around.

    I am determined to wear my hair natural now no matter what ..its just better that way.

    But I do agree, we feel like we have to look like Beyonce to be beautiful..and we try our darnest to do just that…weaves, contacts, booty injections..ALL THAT

    But..women in general of all nationalities have been doing that since the beginning of time…

    So I dont let other peoples hair preferences bother me anymore…you just gotta do YOU

  20. jenteel 14 August 2009 at 3:20 pm Permalink

    i haven't commented on a few of the recent posts because i could already see where the conversation was going…like foxy not-so brown stated on her very own feature, i too am really tired with the color complex "blame game". like leila stated, the deeper issue is that black people lack unity.

    look at black women. take a good hard look. the insecurities are plastered on front street. even these "celebrity" black women that are "worshiped" are not even secure enough in themselves to be themselves. yet i see women "envy" them and fall all over themselves in attempts to copy them. look at the numerous celebrities who get plastic surgery. the majority of black female celebrities have undergone rhinoplasty. i don't know what it will take for women (and not just black women) to get it. THE INSECURITY NEVER STOPS, NO MATTER THE LEVEL. as previously stated, you have to fortify yourself with your own happy force field so that no one can touch you!

    as a woman especially, you can not rely on others to build up your self-esteem. even if you are seen as "beautiful" by the majority, you will still get criticized or judged. look at all the women taking the opportunity to cut down celebrities any chance they get on these gossip blogs; projecting their own insecurities trying to feel better about themselves.

    i so respect this comment by shandra e because it is the pure honest truth: "i'm just SCARY without a cause & i'll use any excuse to justify/maintain my fear!! =/lol."
    but i can't stomach some of the others….

    i view some of the others as cross contamination of personal insecurity projected towards other women. i am not judging you but your personal opinions do not reflect the purpose of this blog. there are too many beautiful black women showcased here. too many. you wanted "proof", we give you proof. everyday. now maybe YOU don't think these women are beautiful. this may be because of what your own opinions of beauty are, especially since most black women have been brainwashed since day one, usually by their own family members that they are not good enough.

    but at BGLH, a wide range of beauty is profiled, so that women can "get it". even if it may not be projected in your personal sphere, these pictures are supposed to serve as encouragement to counter the pressures and/or difficulties that may be encountered on the journey to go natural that is very much tied into acceptance of self.

    once you make the decision to go natural there are no more excuses. you agree to accept your hair as is. if after going natural, you feel it's not for you that's fine too. we are given this life to make choices that suit our individual lifestyles.

    i know where the insecurity is stemming from. we all know. there's nothing wrong with experimentation but, point blank: if your security is chained together with a box of relaxer or weave or to what you think a man likes, those are issues that you and only you can confront.

    we are all here to support one another on the unique natural journey, no matter what form that takes. but please stop making excuses and confront these personal insecurities. surround yourself with positive/forward thinking people. limit your interactions with negative/toxic people. the process doesn't happen over night, but at least try! then we can at least work together (instead of against each other) past them. similar to what monique stated: stop letting people tell you who and what you are. define for yourself who and what you are.

    j

  21. Mel 14 August 2009 at 3:46 pm Permalink

    "i see relaxers and weaves that look A MESS! i see women who would NEVER go natural, but continue to relax/weave their hair although it looks terrible and ridiculous — and they might even admit that it does."
    Very good point, BGLH. It just goes to show that some of us prefer jacked-up, altered hair to our own. That's a huge problem. Do we seriously regard THAT DAMAGED hair as more attractive, or more acceptable, than our own?? I'm digressing here, but that is why I don't like statements like "I am not my hair/ I am the beauty that's within". At some level, it implies that you are beautiful IN SPITE of the hair, encouraging people to look past your hair and see the inner beauty. I argue that that's the problem. Our natural hair is not something to look past, or recognize beauty in spite of. It's gorgeous in and of itself. It's unfornunate that so few of us think that natural hair can ENHANCE one's attractiveness. Look at Solange; I never realized how pretty she was until she came out with the new cut. *I think I just went off on my own thing LOL*, but to pull it back to the topic at hand, NO natural hair is not just for the most beautiful. Natural hair might just turn some people, who would otherwise be OK, into great beauties

  22. food.wine.sunshine 14 August 2009 at 3:49 pm Permalink

    Women need to stay true to themselves. I would prefer that women embrace their naturalness, but in the end women should be comfortable with who they are regardless of what's on their heads. Short hair, long hair, straight or kinky, there are still ladies who do not have self-confidence no matter their style.

    Personally, I know when I look good and when I look a hot mess. Much of that could just be my mood for the day. As a woman with short hair, I feel I've received a lot of attention from males. More than I thought I would get with a TWA sitting on top of my head. I wear my hair natural because this is how it was intended to be worn. I would feel fake and not myself any other way.

    So, I feel that women need to be comfortable and real with themselves whether that is through hairstyle or fashion. People will pick up on that self confidence. So, whatever hairstyle brings that confidence, I would say go for it. Black women should at least try their natural hair once!! Maybe they won't go back.

  23. Z 14 August 2009 at 4:18 pm Permalink

    @jenteel, preach! You are so right.

    I get so tired of women who continue bringing up what men like or prefer. So frigging what?? If a man says he prefers light-skinned girls, will you go bleach your skin?? If he says he prefers uneducated women, will you drop out of school? If he likes curvy women, go join the rest of them and get breast and butt implants, why don't you? Since when was it important to become 'what men want'? What nonsense. Stop giving a damn and go find a man who appreciates you as you are.

  24. Foxy not-so Brown 14 August 2009 at 4:25 pm Permalink

    exactly …I wouldnt even Want a man who didnt like natural hair..that attitude isnt attractive in a man and he is probably a cornball anyway..I know A LOT of men who prefer natural hair.

  25. Black girl with long hair 14 August 2009 at 4:35 pm Permalink

    @ Foxy… right! sometimes i'm baffled because ALL of the black/bi-racial dudes i've dated/associated with have loved my hair. ALL of them. i've NEVER had issues with a black man talking badly about my hair. and i would never allow it!

    another thing i forgot to mention is if you go back in the BGLH archives, you'll see we've profiled women of ALL colors and textures. and i'm not going to insult our intelligence by doing a 'color count' of how many dark chicks or how many light chicks we've profiled. just go back and you'll see a variety.

  26. LoloBloggs 14 August 2009 at 4:49 pm Permalink

    In all honesty the men I attract now (I've stopped attracting a certain type) are much more my kind of people.

    And I agree with others, broken, over-processed hair and balding hairlines cannot in any way be better than a full head of kinky, black women need to wake up to that fact!

    I don't just feel prettier natural, I feel healthier, stronger more confident and a lot more playful and all areas of my life are benefitting. I would highly recommend giving it a go.

  27. Afroqueen 14 August 2009 at 4:56 pm Permalink

    What kind of man do you want anyway? Don't you know women ar supposed to set the standards in society. Where we go, men follow. Stop looking to them to define you and your beauty cos they are waiting for us to do that job. You nourish and nurture your god given curls, love your natural beauty and rock it when you go out into the world and men tend to fall at your feet. As they should. The few that don't are usually the worthless self loathing types you wouldn't want to mess with anyway.

  28. Anonymous 14 August 2009 at 5:18 pm Permalink

    @sugarbelly….wow girl…you hit the nail on the head for me! Men love long hair. I did a few blogs on the length of hair and most (not all!) of the guys who responded admitted they love girls with long flowing hair. Sad but true! I'm going natural myself so I started to question myself. I don't prefer to do a big chop probably because of this reason. I consider myself a pretty women but I also have a big head so the BC would not be for me. You are absolutely correct that women want to be desirable by others and definitely by black men and if black men think long hair is desirable then that's what black women will go after…

  29. Lita 14 August 2009 at 5:49 pm Permalink

    and while i agree that who gives a fug what men want, i don't think that 'oh Beyonce's pretty, i like her hair' means, 'i'd better go and find a woman that looks like Beyonce. any woman that doesn't is ugly'. i think we need to give our men more credit. i've never had any problem with black men, when i've had longer, or shorter, straight or shrunk hair. and my dark skin has stayed dark the whole time. i don't doubt that other people have had bad experiences, but sometimes we project our insecurities on situations, as well as on other people.

  30. broadbandette 14 August 2009 at 6:01 pm Permalink

    Please, please, when you're watching television (not TVOne or BET, or even a black "themed" show… have you seen the relaxer commercial during HawthoRNe!? I digress) tell me who you see in those regular old commercials about insurance, birth control, pizza? A high percentage of black actresses in these commercials have natural or natural-looking hair (aren't kinky weaves a trip?).

    Why do you think this is? I've speculated that getting everyday attractive looking actors to represent everyday people means getting natural looking people, i.e. curly coily black women… it's a guess. But my point being: The media isn't always forcing the issue. The MSM don't even know the issues, but they will after Chris Rock's doc (can't wait to see it).

    I agree with many posters who believe it is up to you to combat the negativity running through the black community about natural hair. And I think attractiveness is always about confidence, no matter the skin color, ethnic background, country of origin, etc.

    And when it comes to what men want?? How many men do you know that say one thing and do another? In terms of love, attraction doesn't always mean compatibility but that may be for another blog
    :-)

  31. Yuki 14 August 2009 at 6:21 pm Permalink

    @ Jenteel
    That's precisely the point! We're not living in the 1800s anymore. We've got to address our own insecurities on a personal level and stop looking for someone to blame. You put it so well!

  32. Foxy not-so Brown 14 August 2009 at 6:36 pm Permalink

    like I said before

    "
    We cannot expect men and society to Love our hair and our features if we dont, we get mad when men dont like our hair but guess what?..we RAISE them to not like it by never exposing them to it, mom, grandma, sister, aunt wore wigs weaves and perms and blond hair and yet we expect them to appreciate natural hair..that makes no sense..and as for features..I dont know what black women you know but all the ones I know who are brown have features just like mine..and nobody is calling them monkeys EXCEPT black folks.."

  33. mysskay 14 August 2009 at 6:50 pm Permalink

    ditto @sugabelly:

    "accepting who you are is ten times easier than accepting who other people see you as."

    well said.

  34. Miss Tasha 14 August 2009 at 6:50 pm Permalink

    We need to stop the self-oppression. http://www.bloggingimpulse.com/2009/06/african-american-woman-triply-oppressed.html

  35. Anonymous 14 August 2009 at 7:08 pm Permalink

    @ MEL. I cannot stand the song "I Am Not My Hair"? If it is just hair and it doesn't matter then why does she talk about all the style she has rocked over the years for half the song? Why does she comb it? Why doesn't see just shave it all off and be bald? Appearance does not define a person but it is definitely a representation. But that's a whole other subject(there is so much that irks me about that song and "Video") Maybe India.Arie needs a self-esteem boost.

    As far as the pretty thing I definitely agree with BGLH and J.

  36. Ms. Silky Coils 14 August 2009 at 7:51 pm Permalink

    The comment about what is the "norm" speaks volumes. We as black women hold ourself to what society says we should look like.

    I love how we talk about these strong beautiful black women in entertainment, industry, etc…yet they are all dolled up to fit into a "box"…but we admire them and aspire to be like them…lol….

    We have to stop taking what people feed us. I cut my hair off to appreciate my natural beauty and not to be put into a box. I don't know why it took me so long to be honest with you and I will NEVER go back!

    check out my blog at – http://www.theorakale25.blogspot.com for more on my views with black beauty, black hair, etc.

  37. Candice 14 August 2009 at 7:54 pm Permalink

    SO VERY WELL SAID!!!! I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU WROTE!!!

    I have been trying so long to break the psyche of our ppl, my words dont seem to stick. There is ALWAYS an excuse of some kind to reject my statements.

    Sometimes i feel like giving and saying to the hell with it, at least i have THE knowledge. But I appreciate your constant efforts and your blog. Your words are not taking in vain here.

  38. Breath of Light 14 August 2009 at 8:12 pm Permalink

    India Arie is not saying "hair doesn't matter" her point is that you can't box her into what you want her to be based on the way she wears her hair.

  39. Sonya O 14 August 2009 at 8:19 pm Permalink

    This discussion is a lot deeper than we can handle in on-line discussion. It's an issue so ingrained in our psyche that it will take real effort to unlearn our popular misconceptions.

    It is hard to transition to natural hair & automatically begin to love & adore it. I can say from personal experience that even though I've been natural for 3 years, every day I'm still learning to love my hair in this natural state. I've straightened my hair with a flat-iron only once since going natural & I completely love it. It reminded me of my permie days & i felt guilty. Truth be told, sometimes I kinda miss the feel of a fresh relaxer when I have to style my kinky hair.

    So my fellow BGLH'ers, I think the root of the matter is hidden deep within our subconscious. And we need to unlock those shackles quickly before we pass on that bondage to our children to prolong the captivity of thinking that straight long hair is better than what we are naturally endowed with.

    S.

  40. Foxy not-so Brown 14 August 2009 at 8:45 pm Permalink

    You really really need to start a message board..TODAY..we need a forum with different discussion boards
    hair care
    health
    beauty
    issues like this…

  41. Lion-ess 14 August 2009 at 9:21 pm Permalink

    It's not only black women who have insecurities… This is an issue for all women… black, white, brown etc.

    Look at in India, women bleach their skin… white women tan and have plastic surgery… It's not only black women that put in weave and fake hair… flat bottom women put in butt implants and the list goes on and on.

  42. Anonymous 14 August 2009 at 10:04 pm Permalink

    It's not even just about natural versus unnatural hair when the beauty issue is raised. It's also about long versus short hair.
    In many many cultures, a woman is praised for having long hair. Long hair is considered beautiful.
    Now you have black women all over the African diaspora living in places where they are faced daily with reaffirmations that the beauty ideal is pretty much opposite of them. It's not surprising we want to hold fast to hold fast to whatever mainstream beauty traits we have.
    It took me 4 years to finally go natural because I was always considered funny looking (very tall, skinny, dark skinned, etc.) but I had long hair which "saved" me.
    Even after I was comfortably natural, I still had to deal with the superficiality in the natural hair world. We are almost just as bad with our obsession with curl definition and elongation, trying to will our curls into category 3 because category 4 is considered less-than. It's inescapable all around because women are judged for their beauty against a standard, period.
    This issue isn't even really about hair, in the end.
    Going natural, especially cutting off your hair, is about more than being healthier and loving your culture. It's definitely a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. It takes guts to go against the grain, and it takes confidence to continue swimming after you've jumped into the ocean of change.
    It takes some strength, some knowledge of self and self-love to be able to see your own beauty, even when others don't.

    –Monet

  43. Anonymous 15 August 2009 at 12:01 am Permalink

    Hey yall,i am the girlwho started allof this lol

    but iam exhausted.
    alli will say nowis that my words have been misconstrewed
    and much has been left out.

    i amnot a self loathing light skin hating black girl

    i am simply someone who knows that itisnot easy to say forget soceity quite franklyit is quite hard
    and it is that strenght that only comeswith AGE

    i am only 19, every man and woman around meis superfical
    and every day,i have been trying totellmyself thatiam beautiful

    but is it really sobad that we all want to be accepted and loved

    i mean could you really stand alone?

    what if there was no natural hair websites

    oh and inever said that natural hair was only for the beautiful
    i wsas hinting that short natural hair is only accepted on light skin women. ie halle berry amber rose
    rhianna,but do u remeber what they said aout india arie?who i think is also beautiful
    my main point whichhas been throughly missed what that light skin women with africanfeatures are deemed exotic\
    but on a dark skinned women she's dominant and afrocentric and a monkey

    yall have allmade powerfuland beautiful sentiments but is it that simple?

  44. Anonymous 15 August 2009 at 12:05 am Permalink

    oh and inever said that I THNOUGHT ththat those women were unattractive,iwas saying that the majorityof soceity does

    imean look around bi racial
    babies are every where these days

    seeing someone who is fully black is a rareity

    like i stated before, i just graduated fromhighschoollast year and out of 25 students only two of us were dark skin

  45. Black girl with long hair 15 August 2009 at 12:11 am Permalink

    @ anonymous 8:01, 8:05
    where do you live?
    it sounds like you're not in an environment where you see a lot of black people.

  46. Anonymous 15 August 2009 at 12:31 am Permalink

    sorry for the typos like i said
    i am exhausted

    actually bglh,i am currently going to a college where there are alot of people from the caribbean islands.they are where i got my inspiration to go natural\

    now growing up was a different story i am from augusta , ga(small city, closed minds)

    and even now when i was home for the summer,i could not find one black hair stylist who knew how to do natural hair other than straighten it

    i think that mycomments may have painted me as a person that i amnot
    my whole family is dark skin
    and i feel that they are all beautiful

    but i have heard statements from them about a cousin in the family
    being so dark as a baby and glad that she has lightened up

    i caught it at home beacuse i have decided to go natural and all of the websites in the world could not heal thepain when my own mother said that my long hair was apart of my beauty

    or when i had no support at all

  47. Anonymous 15 August 2009 at 12:34 am Permalink

    and isn't it black folks who usually make us feel that way about ourselves ?

    so i don't know why u even thought that bglh?

    i have not mentioned white ppl once

    i'm talking about black men and black america in general

  48. Black girl with long hair 15 August 2009 at 1:05 am Permalink

    @ anonymous 8:31, 8:34
    it seems like you have a pretty violent internal struggle going on within, and i can understand that. but i don't think the answer is to criticize the light-skinned natural women on this blog. (you were going pretty hard at foxy-not-so-brown) like i said earlier, the black community lacks unity and i think we fracture ourselves along a color line.

    if you want to see an example of a beautiful dark skinned woman who just did a big chop, please check out sunshine, who was recently profiled on this site (http://blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com/2009/07/going-natural-hair-story-guest-blogger.html)

    her blog is here: http://naturalhairnaturalproducts.blogspot.com/

    you said earlier that people commented on rachel's post because she's light skinned. well sunshine's post was one of the most-commented on on this blog.

    i appreciate your candor in vocalizing your insecurities, but i wish you could have done it without chopping others down. color/texture issues are real, and i don't want to pretend that they're not, but this blog is a space where they don't factor into what is considered beautiful or ugly.

    and i also don't see the value in stating that light skinned people with 'exotic' features have an easier time going natural than dark skinned. as J pointed out insecurity abounds EVERYWHERE and the grass always seems greener on the other side. you will never have peace if you compare. the best thing you can do is focus on yourself.

    is this something you really want to do? of course 99% of the people who follow this blog are pro-natural, but if you really don't want to be natural then don't force yourself. not everyone wants to do it, and that's fine.

    but if it is something you want to do i think you need to calm down and take it one day at a time. i hope that you keep checking BGLH for tips, photos and discussion that help you along the way.

  49. Anonymous 15 August 2009 at 2:08 am Permalink

    WOW! I know there are many women who suffer from insecurities, but for someone to think only "beautiful" people can wear natural hair takes me over the edge. SELF-esteem is how YOU feel about YOURSELF. If you don't KNOW you're pretty, do you think the rest of the world would think you're pretty? Beauty is something radiant, not any physical feature. The most beautiful people I know may not be pretty according to society's standards, but they radiate confidence and high SELF-esteem. I am putting emphasis on "self."

    BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.

    Also, why do people think "pretty" people have it so easy? All people have insecurities, no matter if they are black, white, female, male, celebrity, or average joe. Stop weighing your personal insecurities out on other people and look them in the face. We all have to be able to look in the mirror and love what we see, whether permed or natural.

  50. Anonymous 15 August 2009 at 3:02 am Permalink

    I never meant for it to be a light vs dark skin discussion becuz i don't walk around saying woest me i'm black as can be

    but i'm not ignorant to the bias that exist either

    and yea i have only been a dark skin chick all my life so i don't know the obstacles that they face

    i'm just going off of what i hear
    and see everyday

    i don't even know how i got off on the color thing but i wasn't trying to abuse foxy.. i like her but i LOVE to debate.

    i'm sorry i came off so rough quite honestly i don't even know how it got to this point
    at first when i saw and read her story
    i was thinking yeah its easy for you
    cuz your so beautiful and then that became yeah it becuz your beautiful and your light skin not more beautiful becuz she light skin
    I think that in the heat of the discussion things just went south
    I guess I was just making excuses for my own insecurities like someone said
    But I didn’t realize it until I saw that my comments were painting a picture of me that I am not
    I just became upset because I felt like women who can’t just chop off their hair were being ridiculed. I just felt like every person should be given their own time and not judged for it

    This is all that I was actually feeling and all that I meant
    I am truly sorry for seeming to feel otherwise.


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