Question of the Day: Your very first relaxer

hb 10 November 2009 at 9:14 pm Permalink

I was 9 when my mom took me to the salon to get my relaxer. I had really thick, long hair that tangled easily. I seriously remember 3 different people trying to comb out my hair so they could put creamy crack on it…
And when it was done, I remember have a super straight, long high ponytail. I never thought my hair could ever get like that.

Then when I turned 14, I realized my hair was thinning a bit. Which is ridiculous because my hair is really thick.
Been relaxer free since 16. :)

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Coffey 10 November 2009 at 9:24 pm Permalink

I was about 13 when I got my first relaxer. I begged my mom, she was skeptical but agreed to put a mild one in my hair. U regretted it since. My relaxer life lasted from the age of 13 until 20 y.o. consisted of scabs on my scalp, horrible breakage and costly, LOOOONG hours at the hair dresser.
Stopped relaxing and never looked back.

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The Black Bot 10 November 2009 at 9:33 pm Permalink

Actually, I’ve never had a relaxer in my hair, praise God!

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Romney 10 November 2009 at 9:41 pm Permalink

The crazy thing about this is I actually don’t remember when I got a relaxer. I believe I was in middle school though, maybe the 7th grade.

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Kasandra 10 November 2009 at 10:15 pm Permalink

WOOOWW! this is my first comment because I just found this site(which I Now LOVE!)

I recieved my first relaxer at 4. my aunt did it becuase my mother doesnt know how to do hair(even her own.. which is why she has locks for the past 10 years).I know i didn’t sit still becuase I never sat still even as a freshman in college I would alwyas jumo when it burns or shake through the pain. I did te BC about 2 months ago & now I notice how fast my hair has grown. & i love every second of it! just need to figure out what products to use for my hair.

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jadedpoet 10 November 2009 at 11:28 pm Permalink

Honestly I’m not sure when, I would get a perm maybe once a year but my mom kept braids in my hair. The perm never would take though it used to burn so bad I would cry when it came to “perm day”. I spent most of my life in braids, when she finally let the beautician *i guess they talked her into it* consistently perming my hair every 2 months, it went from mid back to shoulder length. I am not sure my age, ….man I want to say 8 or 12 when that happened. Possibly 12!

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South Loop Social Light 10 November 2009 at 11:33 pm Permalink

First off, wow! I can’t believe you guys used my pic again!! It’s actually one of my favorite pics from my childhood. I got my first relaxer about 2 years after this photo was taken. I loved being a little girl with long hair. lol… but if I could go back in time I would’ve asked my mom to never go down that road. I wasn’t someone that dreaded getting my hair done when I was younger but I definitely remember trying to “fight” the burning sensation of the relaxer so it could get super straight. lol Maybe that’s what has built up my pain threshold so much.

Ishea

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Jen 10 November 2009 at 11:42 pm Permalink

I got my first relaxer the day before I turned 15 as a birthday present. It was not what I really wanted. I begged my mom to let me lock my hair back then but she is an old fashioned Caribbean woman. Locks were frowned upon. Because I was desperate to do something other than my braids and twists I just went ahead and got my hair relaxed.

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BelleMuse 10 November 2009 at 11:59 pm Permalink

I think I was about 7 or 8 years old when I got my first relaxer. I remember being sooo excited to be free of the pressing comb but little did I know my hair would fall like leaves in October. Seriously the only thing that saved my hair was going natural.

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Nicole 11 November 2009 at 12:07 am Permalink

My mom did my first relaxer when I was 10. My mom did all of my relaxers, save one. I was excited because the plan was that it would make my hair much easier to manage. (Psssssyyyyccccchhh!!!!) I played with my hair hardcore, I put rollers in it, clips, and all sorts of nonsense. It was exciting for a while because it was new to me and people at school liked it.
Then my hair started to get brittle and break no matter what I put in it.
Cut to 12 years of hair frustration. To think I could have had healthy hair and put in so much less (wo)man-hours all this time.

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NapturallyHappy 11 November 2009 at 12:16 am Permalink

I got my first press at 9 or 10 and my first relaxer at 11. I remember being really excited to get my hair relaxed. It was this really important rite of passage and I wanted that sleek, straight hair. My father was totally against us getting our hair permed, but my mom took us anyway. I get angry about it now. I feel like little black girls were done such an injustice. We were cheated out of the joy of of celebrating one of our most important characteristics. When I think back to how closely-tied my hair and my self perception were, it’s no wonder I felt like an ugly growing up. It didn’t help that I grew up in a Caribbean nation where mixed girls with long, wavy hair were admired and celebrated and their hair held as the standard. I truly think that had I been taught to appreciate the absolutely beautiful hair that was growing out of my scalp, I would have felt so differently about myself. Such a sad legacy given to us. I’m happy we’re taking it back.

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Roxanne 11 November 2009 at 12:35 am Permalink

I was about 7 and it was the “Just for Me” relaxer that came with the cassette tape instructions. My mom did it and it turned out ok, from the pictures I have. She always did my hair then, and she does my hair sometimes now (when I ask nicely of course!) Even though I’m 23 I still ask her to do my hair cause it brings back memories and we keep our bond strong that way too.

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emjay. 11 November 2009 at 12:41 am Permalink

i really don`t know. i didn`t remember a time that i didn`t have a perm other than when i went natural. my mom did keep my hair out of a relaxer for a very long time though…almost a year & i remember my hair getting so long. i do have memories of my mother relaxing my hair when i was about 4. she used just for me, but i don`t know if it was the first time. so, i relaxed my hair for almost 15 years. my hair was damage by me doing my own perms, but mostly, it just stayed at the same length for SOOO long! that whole easier to manage thing to me is such BS! it makes me angry that so many people are so ignorant. well anyways, it`ll be a year in January that i`ve been natural, so congrats to me! :D

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BajanPrincess 82 11 November 2009 at 2:04 am Permalink

I never got a relaxer, thank God, but had always asked my mom for one. She would tell me that a relaxer would make my hair fall out, and I would stop asking for a while.

Do/did any of you discuss the feelings that you have/had (I see some of you said you were/are angry) with your mothers? Do they feel any remorse or regret for perming your hair?

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Jc 11 November 2009 at 4:29 am Permalink

I was 13 or 14 and demanded it for a long time before my mother reluctantly took me to the salon. It took about an hour and a half to relax my hair since it would simply not process. I loved it even though it was breaking immediately. My hair colour is very black and the relaxer seemed to make it look super black and I loved that too.

My mother said I looked like a wet dog with slicked back hair but I was happy passing that fine toothed comb through with ease and swinging my newly straightened hair lol.

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The Black Bot 11 November 2009 at 6:59 am Permalink

BajanPrincess, I was the same way. I kept asking my mom for one, but she refused for the same reason. Now I know she was right. Imagine that.

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Jessyfromparis 11 November 2009 at 7:28 am Permalink

I was 10 or 11 when mom relaxed ly hair.
I was so happy to have straight hair and long hair like my white friends at school.

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AdriB 11 November 2009 at 8:21 am Permalink

I received my first relaxer at the age of 10. I had very good hair dressers at home, so the most discomfort I ever had was a little itching (after which my hair would be immediately rinsed). Though I love my hair now, with all the activity and sweat of my teen years having a relaxer at the time was a great option. I had A LOT of hair and the relaxer allowed me to be more independent and I was able to keep my hair looking nice on my own. I actually think my mom decided on relaxing my hair because I was gelling my natural hair to DEATH! I didn’t have the resources back then that exist now. There were no talks of conditioner washes, no BGLH.

I don’t have any ill feelings towards my mom for relaxing my hair. Having a relaxer was great! My reasons for loving it when I had it are the same as me loving my natural hair now: freedom! Now it’s no more running to the salon for touch-ups and, funny enough, when I flat iron my hair now, it actually looks even better than it did when I had a relaxer. I’m planning to work in international health and I don’t want to be worrying about new growth when out of the country. (Both summers I spent abroad during college were followed by MAJOR trims when I got back.)

To anyone who has ill feelings toward their mothers, I would say give the old ladies a break. Black women have been relaxing their hair for so long it’s just become part of our culture. We pierce the ears of babies, we relax our hair. It’s nothing personal. My mom didn’t relax my hair because she has race issues; it was for convenience and to stop me from further damaging my hair with that daggon’ black gel- and it worked! Whatever your mom’s mentality, I am 99% sure that at the time she was doing what she thought was best for you. And you should appreciate that.

And for those of you who have family or friends who give you flack, I sympathize with you. Last week I had to tell my black male boss that my hair is so big “because I’m black and this is how my hair grows out of my head.” Would definitely be annoying to have to deal with that at home.

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PoliBohoGlam 11 November 2009 at 8:33 am Permalink

I was 5.
I remember the ladies in my family talking about something big that had to do with me, but I didn’t really understand what was going on.
I don’t remember the reasons. It all seemed like a big deal. I don’t even remember understanding that my hair had changed. Ages 1-5 didn’t really bring much understanding of hair, so I didn’t get what had happened. As I got a little older, I just came to understand relaxers as necessary. How many times did I hear (or say to myself) “You need a perm”? It never even occurred to me that one would not wear a relaxer. What else was there?
I don’t feel upset about it. It was the norm. It was all they knew. My mom’s hair barely waves, let alone “kinks”, but she perms faithfully. I was more upset about the family backlash at my decision to go natural. That’s more where the emotions come into play.

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NapturallyHappy 11 November 2009 at 8:39 am Permalink

BajanPrincess, I’m not angry with my mother. I’m angry with the societal norms that made little black girls feel like less if their hair/noses/skin didn’t meet the standard. A lot of people talk about the Caribbean like some utopia where everyone is made to feel beautiful and where your natural looks/locks are celebrated. That’s such bull. I think the Caribbean is so freakin color-concious, hair-concious that it’s sickening. Things have been changing in recent years, but when I was growing up, adults around me made it very clear who was favored – light-skin, long hair, thin noses. It sounds so ridiculous now, but it was a reality growing up. Sick thing is I found out later in life, from old classmates, that they envied my hair. I was shocked. I wish I’d seen the beauty in my natural hair then. I would never have permed and my mom would have been ok with that decision. She really only permed because we wanted it so badly and, at the time, it was normal.

Growing up, I was never told that either I or my hair was beautiful by any of the women in my family. There are a lot of mixed people in my country and all of the mixed girls I knew were told all the time how pretty they were and what pretty hair they had. They got all of the attention from boys, teachers, everyone. I think I paid too much attention to all of that and felt left out. My first perm stretched my hair well past the middle of my back and I think I felt beautiful for the first time.

If I could go back now, chemicals would never have touched my hair. I’ve cut off just over 2 1/2 feet of hair in the last 10 years alone. Makes me sick. I’ve been natural a while now, but I’ve really only truly learned to care for my hair in the last 2 or so years. I know it’s just hair and it’s not all about the length, but thinking about what you lost due to ignorance about what you had is incredibly sad.

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Krystal 11 November 2009 at 9:05 am Permalink

I was five when I got my first relaxer. However, my hair didn’t start noticably thinning until I was eleven or so.

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Krystal 11 November 2009 at 9:09 am Permalink

I wanted to add, I feel Jessie further up. I grew up in Vermont, and all of my friends and classmates were white. I wanted to look like the little white girls with the long, flowing hair. I never had long flowing hair, or anything close to it. But I can understand the many reasons why my mother chose to relax my hair at such an early age. It was hard enough being the only black child everywhere I went. It would have been even worse for me to be the only black child and nappy on top of that!

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AdriB 11 November 2009 at 9:52 am Permalink

@NapturallyHappy, I TOTALLY feel you!! My mom’s from Guyana, born to a black mother and Indian father and my black cousin’s sit around gushing about my hair and how I’m a “coolie girl” and all that and it just makes me feel awkward and sick to my stomach.

Whenever people comment, “I LOVE your hair! You must be mixed…” I always wish, for a second, that the answer was “No.”

Also, with all these hair blogs and great natural hair care information going around, does anyone else notice that very few naturals have “bad and nappy” hair nowadays? And the ones that do stop once a friend hooks them up? So this whole “bad and nappy black hair” thing is misinformation? And we all have beautiful hair, we just can’t use a white girl’s hair regimen cuz that makes our hair “bad and nappy?”

Interesting observation I made a while ago.

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afrikanatural 11 November 2009 at 10:25 am Permalink

I was 5 when I got my first relaxer, for picture day:) My natural hair (what I can recall) wasn’t very hard to “manage”. It was wiry, somewhat thin, wispy, and soft. I don’t know why I got a relaxer but I sure didn’t need it for my fragile strands. I don’t resent my mother so much for making hair choices for me as a child. She was a first time mother doing what she thought all AA mothers did. In fact, I was doing her hair at 8 years old! I can only feel the tinge of resentment when she looks at my natural fro now and shakes her head in disgust, wonder, and misunderstanding. I feel she thinks she’s “invested” so much into my hair as a youth and I have just thrown it all away.

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missbnatural 11 November 2009 at 11:17 am Permalink

I got my first relaxer at 14. I begged my mom for it. A neighbor of ours put it in for me. I loved how long/stretched out my hair was. I got my last relaxer at 22. I haven’t looked back since!

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kicukalah 11 November 2009 at 11:36 am Permalink

I was in preschool, so 4 or 5 years old. My mom had her friend put a relaxer in my hair. I remember screaming and crying with snot bubbles coming from my nose because my head was on fire. My mothers friend finally ask her what she did to my hair the night before and my mom confessed to scratch my scalp to remove dandruff. Mom didn’t know better at the time. My mother’s friend replied “poor baby! No wonder she’s screaming.” Needless to say it was horrific. But still, 13 years later, I had my hair relaxed. I’ve been chemical free about a year and a half.

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thelady 11 November 2009 at 12:40 pm Permalink

I was 9 and I begged my mom for the relaxer. I only had it done every 4 months and mostly wore my hair braided. I around the age of 12 I started getting it done every 2 months and wearing it straight.

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kindredb 11 November 2009 at 2:49 pm Permalink

I was 13. I had been begging my mom for years to relax my hair, because all of my friends had relaxed hair. She kept telling me no, because she said I wouldn’t take proper care of it and then I’d have no hair. So finally, for my 13th birthday, she took me to a Dominican salon in Harlem where her secretary used to get her hair done and they put Fabu-laxer in my hair. I remember being absolutely APPALLED at how much it burned. I sat there crying and this older woman rubbed my hand and told me it would be ok, that I would love my hair when it was done. I had washed my hair the night before because it had been pressed and I wanted to get it back to its natural state prior to the perm. My freshly washed scalp was NOT feeling that sodium hydroxide in the least. When I left the salon, I had a lingering headache and scabs all over my head, but I was in love with my soft, straight hair. After that, I would avoid relaxing for as long as possible– up to four months. So it’s now fourteen years later and I just made the decision to stop relaxing. Wish me luck!

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Chay B. 11 November 2009 at 4:43 pm Permalink

My mom gave me my first relaxer at age 6, I think. I had this huge “unruly” afro (thanks, dad) that did not fit in with our hectic single mom lifestyle.
Long story short nearly all my hair felt out. All of it broke off.

I don’t blame her, she didn’t know any better. She had even used one of those “kiddie perms”.
I didn’t know any better either, and continued to relax my hair until this year, at 17.
Never ever going back ever nooo you canNOT make me.
Death before relaxer, I say.

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LBell 11 November 2009 at 6:00 pm Permalink

I was 5 when I got my first relaxer and I don’t remember anything about it. The only evidence of it is my kindergarten picture: I look like I’d gotten caught out in the rain. It was flat and greasy and VERY short because the relaxer basically broke it all off.

I didn’t get another relaxer until I was 12 and entering middle school. I don’t really remember having an opinion about it either…it was a decision my mother just made for me. I was such a geek back then and hair wasn’t that big of a deal (at least not at that point). Well, just as was the case when I was 5, the relaxer broke most of my hair off. My 7th grade picture shows the proof. But this time around I just kept getting the crack because “that’s what young ladies with this hair do.”

I’m long past holding grudges against my mom for her parenting choices BUT I wish she’d known just a little more about hair care. Her hair’s been short all her life and when I think about what she used to do to it, and how I basically followed her example because I had no other, it makes SO much sense. She’s been wearing a TWA for 20 years. If she ever gets around my dad’s objections to long nappy hair and starts Sisterlocks, she might actually have long hair in her 70s for the first time ever. (Interestingly, he doesn’t have a problem with his daughters’ long nappy hair.)

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Nikki 11 November 2009 at 7:09 pm Permalink

I didn’t have one prior to the first grade, but I know that in my first grade class pictures my hair is long but super thin – so I had to have gotten my first relaxer at around 6.

Now it seems outrageous and like what the f was my mom thinking, but at the time I remember her telling me my hair would look pretty and straight so I was all for it.

I kept that attitude up until I got into high school. I would feel my new growth come in and I always liked the texture and I just really wanted to know how my real hair looked. I was kind of mad at my mom for making that decision for me (she claimed I had too much hair for her to deal with), because I knew that it was going to take balls and a lot of time to get the hair that I had in pre-school back.

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Shannon 11 November 2009 at 8:49 pm Permalink

Before we moved down south, I didn’t even know what a relaxer was. I couldn’t understand why some black girls had straight hair but I didn’t.

I got my first relaxer at 12; the end of the first month of 7th grade. My Gramma is a beautician and she had been doing our hair for about a year. She convinced my little sister to let her relax her hair (she was 8 at the time). I guess she wanted to kill two birds with one stone because she relaxed my hair the next day. I agreed to it because she said something to the tune of “it’s just like pressing except your hair stays straight when it gets wet.” My hair was probably a little past BSL then.

Everybody ranted and raved about how nice my hair was. But like someone upthread said, I was a geek and I couldn’t handle the attention my hair drew so I pulled it back into a ponytail everyday. By the end of the school year my hair had broken off to APL. It got shorter and shorter through out high school, though some of that was because I cut it.

I’m not mad at my Gramma for relaxing my hair. It’s kind of ironic that she’s going natural now! lol

South Loop Socialite: you had some beautiful chows. I had one like the brown one on the left. RIP Heidi :(

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jana 12 November 2009 at 12:29 am Permalink

I was 5 years old and I remember crying and begging my mother to wash it out. It was Just For Me and it broke all my hair off in the back. I am still self conscientious about the back of my head, smh. I wish I never had, one but I think I hated the straighten comb just as much.

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Atalaya 12 November 2009 at 11:38 am Permalink

I know that I was in 8th grade when I got my first relaxer. My father had my hair cut and a curl put in my hair, yes a curl, when I went to sixth grade (’92) and I was DYING to have something different and up to date. My sister advised me on it and I did it myself. I have wanted to go natural since I became an adult, but it is so difficult with my job (Army); our headgear is unforgiveable. I go as long as possible between perms and am counting down until I will be free to wear my hair as I please. I love this website, I will be an expert when my time finally comes.

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Atalaya 12 November 2009 at 11:45 am Permalink

I already posted about myself, but I just wanted to say that my daughter has BSL hair and it is extremely thick with several textures in it. I would never perm it and will not let her do it until she is over 18, if that is her choice. Sometimes it takes over 6 hours to shampoo, dry, and style her hair but I would never make her sacrifice for my convenience. I will definitely show her this website from now on so that she can celebrate the beauty that is her natural hair.

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Bri 12 November 2009 at 2:25 pm Permalink

I was 13. I think it was just that she thought I was old enough to take care of my hair on my own without her or my sisters plaiting it every couple nights. She was dead wrong and I wished I had my hair back in natural plaits.

I think I’ve hated relaxed since then.

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Bajan Spice 12 November 2009 at 4:07 pm Permalink

The first time I permed my hair I was 16 yrs old. It was a decision I chose to make. My mom never wanted me to perm it in the first place. You see, my mother is white, native indian and black, so therefore, with her gorgeous hair, I to have the same. But, growing up around mostly white people and seeing their straight hair blowing in the wind, made me feel that that was the way to go AND my mother wasn’t doing my hair for me anymore. So, for my 16th birthday my dad took me to the States and while we were out there, he took me to get hair permed in a salon in New York.

I permed my hair one time a yr after that(for some reason I didnt have to perm it the regualr amount of times it’s supposed to be done). Getting closer to the 4 yrs margin, I did have to perm my hair a little more often. My hair had started breaking and I started to miss my fight curls and thick hair. So, at the age of 20 I stopped perming it. I tried to get the parts that had broken off back to normal on my own, but that didn’t work, so at 24 I decided to start going to a salon. Now 1 yr later, its back to the way it used to be.

The only person I was angry at up until last yr, was myself. My mother had always told me, “Don’t perm your hair, you’re going to regret it!” I chose not to listen to her, and like a mother always is, she was right!

But thankfully, my hair is back to its normal, although it’s alot of work to maintain, I love every bit of it.

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MIZZTCASA 13 November 2009 at 11:49 am Permalink

FOUR YEARS OLD! I never remembered having natural hair consequently. I grew up in fear on my nappy hair appearing and was so happy after I had my perm (not during of course…the experience was always TORTOROUS…the burning, the scabs). I was so glad to be done with perms when I went natural. No money spent on upkeep, no more pain. Now i get to enjoy my natural curls and kinks. I love my hair!

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Jazmin 14 November 2009 at 1:50 am Permalink

I was 11. My mom told me she wouldn’t have to do my hair in the morning and that I would be able to do my own hair but I was just one of those girls who had long hair but only did ponytails anyway…
I had no idea of what a relaxer was really about or the concept. I do remember the first day at school I got a lot of attention on my hair. It looked longer and stretched out. even my teacher who was white said she liked it. It wasn’t until college I learned relaxers are something we don’t “have” to get.
btw did anyone ever sometimes feel nauseous or have a headache after they got a relaxer ?
I remember that from when when I was in my early teens and I was told that’s normal to happen but it’s alright

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Essie 14 November 2009 at 9:39 am Permalink

I was 11 yrs old and it was for my communion–I found it to be an adventure the only time I was angry was when my mother decided to use my aunt’s beautician and that’s when the back of my hair fell out and I had to go to school like that–I was not happy at all. Rocking a hairstyle that didn’t come out until the late 80′s was not cool.

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Shayna 14 November 2009 at 10:41 am Permalink

I was 13 when I got my first perm. A lot of my friends in school had perms and wore their hair straight, and I wanted to do so also. I started asking my mother when I was 11, but she made me wait until I was 13. I got it at the end of the eight grade school year, just in time for prom. Before then I would always wear my hair in braids and braided extenstions that my mother had done herself. When it was done I was really happy. I remember the next day when I went to school, one of my friends saw my hair and asked me if i permed my hair. I replied yes w. a big smile on my face and she noooo your hair was nice without the perm. Looking back I can understand why, my fried got a perm when she was younger and had a head full of long thick hair, at the time that she told me i shouldnt have gotten a perm, it was a shorter damaged bob.

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Aisha 14 November 2009 at 6:36 pm Permalink

I was 9 years old when I got my first relaxer. My mother applied it herself. The point was to make my hair easier to comb since I am prone to tangles and very tender-headed. I will say it served its purpose. My hair didn’t knot up as much after washing and it was easier to comb. I was happy because of this, not necessarily because of how it looked.

However, once I learned to take care of my natural hair I realized that could be easy as well. You just have to treat it differently than straight hair.

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b. 15 November 2009 at 3:18 am Permalink

i was 7 seven when my mother whipped out that package of the infamous “Just for Me.” my mom used to work at a convalescent home and had no time to do my curly/tangled hair, so she relaxed it. am i happy? heck no! but in a sense i am glad she relaxed it because i can add it to my belt of wiseness.i grew up getting a relaxer every 6 weeks (yes every six weeks, sometimes four) never understanding why i got my hair relaxed. the only thing i knew was when moms had a box of that cream it meant it was relaxer time. 11 years before i decided for myself that relaxers were horrid. it took 11 years, but i’m not sad or regretful that i din’t go natural sooner. why should i? all that matters is that i’m natural now! :D

moms harassed me the first couple months of my transition stage, actually she still harasses me to get a “texturizer.” same shxt ma…lol she doesn’t get that I DO NOT WANT ANY CHEMICALS IN MY HAIR. it’s irritating. but i went natural for me, and natural i shall stay.

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Brit 15 November 2009 at 12:23 pm Permalink

i’d just like to say that i am a little jealous of everyone that can remember their first relaxer. i had to be about 4, because that’s the only school picture i have of me with a puff. [it was perfectly round and sat directly on top of my head...:sigh:]

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rosie 15 November 2009 at 8:51 pm Permalink

My aunt took me to get my first relaxer when i was 14, 3 days before my first day of HS. i was ecstatic because i wanted straight hair my whole life. My hair was thick, long, and very healthy and most importantly i looked older. I wasn’t afraid to trim my ends like most black women are and only got my touchups in a salon. In less than 5 years, while in college I decided that i looked too stereotypical (guys actually said they can take me home to their grandmother because i was light skin with long hair! SMH) and decided to go natural. in 05 i did the big chop and have thick, long, very healthy, NATURAL HAIR since!

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Nappyme 16 November 2009 at 12:55 am Permalink

I was 9. Me, my mom and sis all had long healthy hair. My mom and us four kids along with her boyfriend and his three kids all moved in together. That saddled my mom with FIVE natural heads (me, my sis, my mom and her boyfriend’s two daughters)to take care of and plus she was working all day too. It was too much. This was back in the summer of 1970.

We moved into a new neighborhood and lived next door to two girls who were close to our ages and they were sporting perms. I remember wishing I had one too. Little did I know I was about to get my wish.

Turns out, our new friends had a sister that was a beautician. So I went next door to get my hair done. I remember she put the relaxer creme in my hair and told me to tell her when it started burning. It did so really quickly but she didn’t want to take it out, but she did. Apparently that was long enough to get it straight enough.

I was so happy I wouldn’t have to get my hair pressed anymore. Now I don’t remember too much more about my hair that summer. But what I do remember is that my mom had not a single clue about how to take care of it. Nor did it even register that getting me a relaxer meant relaxing the new growth every six weeks. She couldn’t afford that. So I never got another another touch up past the initial application.

By Christmas, the brady bunch arrangement had not worked out and our family moved into a different house. I just remember my new growth being thick and my relaxed hair being hard, feeling like straw and very very dry. It was breaking off like crazy. My mom started pressing my roots and gradually cutting off the relaxed ends. By then I was very aware of my hair and how short it was. And shortly after that I was kinda taking care of my own hair too so my hair never, ever reached its former lengths, while my mom and sister, who had NEVER had a chemical on their hair (due to my experience)continued to have long thriving hair. As a result, I spent the rest of my live longing for LONG hair and having unhealty relaxed hair from the age of 23 to 43. Unfortunately, I didn’t find the key to gaining length and having long healthy hair until I was 46 years old.

Now that I’ve got it, long BSL natural hair…I couldn’t be happier! Chemicals will never touch my hair again!

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Joy-Mari Cloete 18 November 2009 at 4:22 am Permalink

I’ve never had a relaxer, ever cause I have ‘good hair’. I’ve asked about it, though — I was 12 or 13 and my hair was going through a funny stage. And people told me my hair would fall out if I apply a relaxer to it. I’m so glad they told me that!

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tamren 18 November 2009 at 11:15 am Permalink

I remember when I was around 6 or 7..my hair was thick, long and “hard to comb” my older cousin did it for me and continued to do it until I was in high school. When she put it in, (the just 4 me with the tape included!!) she would ask me if it was burning yet..and I had to make sure I didn’t scratch the day of the relaxer. Oh the old days!!

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caramelhoney 20 November 2009 at 11:42 am Permalink

Its sad, but I honestly dont remember my first perm. I remember my mom braiding and twisting my hair as a child into little barrettes or scrunchies, but I clearly remember how thick my hair was. Everyone in my family would always say I had thick hair. I dont remember being really hair concious about my hair, i just remember not liking my hair because it was too thick hair. I loved perms, I would sneak and buy the super kinda because it’d make my hair super straight, and when the perm burned, I’d hold the pain for a few minutes longer just to make sure it got extra straight. Now I look back at that, as me not loving or accepting myself enough. I had low self esteem and just felt straight hair is what was pretty.

Im so glad I have a different defintion of what pretty or beautiful is today.

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MissyD 21 November 2009 at 2:59 am Permalink

I think I am one of few women of African descent who just never got hyped about perms. I kinda remember my first perm but I didn’t think it was a big deal. Neither my mother nor I kept up with it, plus I still liked getting my hair braided. I don’t hold any harsh feelings towards my mother, who is also natural now.

I do however feel disappointment towards my relatives who still perm my younger cousins hair. Some of them are barely in middle school with this slicked down greasey lookin hair. Whats the point of perming hair when you’re simply going to braid it? (when I said I got my hair braided I mean in extensions) Little girls should be little girls with braids and pigtails. I really don’t think its fair for parents to let a young lady younger than 15 to get their hair permed.

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