Can he love you but hate your natural hair?

07 December 2009 ~ 60 Comments

Can he love you but hate your natural hair?

black love

This question of the day was inspired by a thread on one of my fav natural hair blogs, The Natural Haven. (Check it out HERE.)

I felt I needed a guy to weigh in on this, so I asked my 25 y. o. friend Norman his thoughts:

“I think the answer is yes, he can love you but hate your natural hair. In a relationship, you don’t love everything about each other. I think though that if people really do love each other like in a marriage then the husband should be supportive and remember that he didn’t marry for hair.”

So what do you think? (And yes, it was me who defaced that black love poster…)

60 Responses to “Can he love you but hate your natural hair?”

KJ 30 April 2011 at 11:06 am Permalink

If perms could save marriages then divorce would be a foreign word in the black community. Divorce/ separation is so much more spiritual than that.

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Carole 13 August 2011 at 2:07 am Permalink

nope! not at all! because its more than just a style choice. its a life changing decision. its the way i express that i am proud of everything i am. if he cant love something like what naturaly grows from my scalp then we will never work.

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Catherine 13 August 2011 at 6:56 pm Permalink

If he loves you, he loves all of you.

However, if you’re thinking about transition, talk about it. Then you’ll know his views.

I would NEVER vouch for you to change yourself (thoughts, opinions, etc) for anyone. If it’s something you really want go for it and he should support you. Especially since it harms no one.

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Tia 8 September 2011 at 9:35 pm Permalink

I’ve actually had more men of other races, mostly caucasian, compliment my natural hair than black men. Since I’ve been natural, over 2 years, I’ve only had four brothers compliment my natural hair. When I slap on a wig I notice I get more attention from black men. I don’t understand this because I feel like the wigs are so fake looking. I just use them as protective styles and for a change. My ex who was a black actually said that he prefers my hair relaxed over natural.

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Suga Brown 4 October 2011 at 3:17 pm Permalink

Wow…these brothas are still stuck w the mentality that the European look means better. Its amazing! We accept even love their natural hair… And they wonder why some sistas are shallow (look at what you are doing to us). Ladies its all about his MENTALITY! Love yourself & ALL of you & the right one will be drawn to you & love everything about you as well.

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teppuM 26 October 2011 at 9:47 am Permalink

my experience has also been that men of other races prefer my natural hair. my late boyfriend was white and was madly in love with it — he never wanted me to relax it, and he didn’t even like relaxed hair on other chicks. =p

black guys, though, they either don’t look at you at all, or they think they’re being polite by suggesting that you can go “get your hair done,” or even offering to pay for it. =p

pfft. my natural hair is part of who i am. would you suggest to someone you like to go get green contacts because you prefer green eyes? nope. it’s the same with me and my hair.

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Audra Woodley 29 November 2011 at 9:40 am Permalink

Excellent question bcuz I actually had to deal with this very issue within a relationship. The guy I was dating ONLY had a like for long straight hair and frequently voiced his negative opinion regarding the “natural” look. I was constantly defending my hair and explaining what the evolution of my hair meant to me…that is was in fact a spiritual and liberating experience that embodied the essence of my being. My feelings were if you don’t love and embrace this true experience then you are not loving a great deal of who I am. He has since grown to love the “natural” hair…..Question is: Is it too late?

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dawn 30 November 2011 at 1:00 pm Permalink

my hair is not my identity. my husband doesn’t see it as such, either. that said, my husband never says “i love your natural hair.” and he never says “i love your straight hair.” what he says simply is this, no matter which way i choose to wear it (be that curly or straight, as i straighten my hair fairly often but have been known to wear it curly with almost as much frequency when i want to give it a heat break): i love your HAIR. it looks amazing. he doesn’t see my hair as something that is part of me, per se- it’s just hair, to him, the mop of dead cells that sits atop my head and sometimes makes me look pretty and other times makes me look homely. the style is irrelevant. so, my p.o.v is that a guy can absolutely have a preference- and not necessarily be fond of a particular hair doo but love the chick who’s wearing it. my husband didn’t like my wig, but it didn’t stop me from wearing it only for one day, and neither did it keep him from loving me- though he WAS side-eyeing the hell outta that poor wig. hmph. while i understand how the hair thing defines a lot of black women (in their minds) you hafta understand that no matter how much volume your hair may communicate (no pun intended), you are still not your hair. there’s more to you than that. for me hair is not spiritual or any more deep insomuch as it is merely a means of coverage for my scalp. any more thought into it and it becomes borderline obsessional. and if someone would dare judge you by your hair, then clearly the problem is theirs, not yours, and they also clearly have nothing better to occupy the space of their empty skulls

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Amasia 31 December 2011 at 1:01 am Permalink

I get more attention from guys when i have weave in my hair. My boyfriend hates weaves though and is in love with natural hair period so he’s supportive and being natural was inspired by him. But what ive found out is that most guys like long hair, regardless if its natural, weaved, relaxed or braided. black women with short hair get frowned upon in my community aka high school/ teen yrs. people from other races seem to love my hair for some reason, i always get complimented on my different hairstyles/ colors. natural hair is so versatile!

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