Comments on: Guest blogger post #1: Do natural women fit best with non-black men?

By: Chanda

Chanda — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 00:24:29 +0000

Maybe the girl at the party had a number of bad experiences with black men. Not just because of her hair, but life in general.

By: Raven

Raven — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 15:31:44 +0000

I, myself, admit to not being ordinarily attracted to white guys. Not to say I wouldn’t give a white dude a chance; i just am normally not attracted to them. You are definitely right about one thing: I also find that white people are more accepting of black hair and are often fascinated by it because they may have never seen it before. I’ve yet to get hit on by anyone sense I went natural so my two cents probably don’t matter (lol) but I guess a lot of women don’t want to tolerate a man who’s going to try and convince them to change their hair all the time. I’ll admit, I’d be very uncomfortable if a guy I was dating was less attracted to me because of my natural hair. I would like to think it’s less about race and more about finding someone who is willing to accept your natural hair and find it pretty.

By: Roxy

Roxy — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 01:27:04 +0000

I am a Black American female. I am quite dark, my hair is quite kinky, and I was natural for about 8 years. I found that when I was natural, the vast majority of the men who approached me were not Black. In fact, I started dating non-black men when I was natural. They were mostly men from other countries, not necessarily white guys from the U.S.

I don’t know that the attraction can be entirely explained by the “exotic factor” although I did face some people who were curious. In my situation, I think my natural hair suited me quite well, like a dress that hugs all your curves the right way. More generally, I think that some of those who decide to go natural for one reason or another (in my case, I simply realized one day that I forgot what my natural hair looked like and decided to remind myself; and I ended up liking it) carry a certain attitude as well. When one makes a decision to do something that is not in line with the status quo, one must have a certain openess of mind and a certain confidence to carry on with that decision. This, as well, I think comes across.

At this point I have relaxed hair, and I’d say that I get approached by men and non-black men alike. Not too long ago I dated a guy of South Asian and Latino heritage who suggested that I might look really good (perhaps better than I do now?) with natural hair. Go figure.

By: VEE from France

VEE from France — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:51:16 +0000

it is weird to say it but hell yeaaaah, white men are the only guys out there liking my natural hair, all the black men around me are still trying to convince me not to cut it by the end of next month!!!
But i am still going to have that big chop for the new year :)
When i was younger i remember black men were talking about relaxers in a very negative way but it was the 90′s they were prouder (not to say they no longer are but…)

By: Weareallhuman

Weareallhuman — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 17:14:02 +0000

I think it’s funny that a few ladies here have said that they don’t like it when black men approach them in predominantly white settings just because they are black. One poster said that personality should be more important, but my question is #1, if you are meeting someone for the first time–black or white– there’s a pretty good chance that they’re not approaching you b/c they admire your personality. How could they when they don’t even know you? Question #2, how do you know that the black men are approaching you only because you are black, and not b/c they simply find you attractive? And #3 How do you know that white men aren’t approaching you only because you are black, exotic, etc.? Is there a double standard here?

To answer the OP’s questions, my impression is that this woman was just not interested in him, or in black men/people at all. No way to tell which is which, and everyone is entitled to his or her preferences. But ignoring you and/or walking away when you try to speak (*if* you were polite and not pushy) is just plain rude, so maybe that person isn’t someone you’d want in your life anyway. I do think that white/non-black men are often more accepting of natural hair and the range of features that black women are blessed with.