John Mayer=epic fail

Nala 12 February 2010 at 9:53 pm Permalink

@Freewheeling_Girl

*Bows down*

Ha ha, you got me. That was fabulous!

Anonymous 12 February 2010 at 10:03 pm Permalink

@Freewheeling_Girl

Yeah. Keep pretending that they’re the majority. These BW/WM relationships are a minority. When they become a force to be reckon with, I’ll care. Not trying to undermine their relationship, just stating a fact.

Sandy 12 February 2010 at 10:07 pm Permalink

@ Nicole

Thanks for reminding me — all of us — about that Hurston quote.
She’s right.

But let’s say we tack on another 80 more years of discrimination since Hurston’s death, right?
Isn’t astonishment likely to turn into anger at some point?
Don’t get me wrong . . . I’m totally with Hurston on this one:
I’m always astonished that the folks who discriminate against us don’t see how awesome we are as a people (SOMETIMES, that is — I’m not gonna front; I know we have our flaws too).
But sometimes that astonishment justifiably turns into anger.

SCENARIO:

- You’re astonished when you discover that an adult who’s 32 years old can’t read.

- Ten years pass, and during them you try to teach that adult to read.

- Adult turns 42 and STILL can’t read, despite all of your best efforts.

- At this point, I know astonishment has turned into anger!
“Why can’t this MOFO read?!,” you scream.

Same thing with the haters & discriminators.
Why can’t these MOFOs stop disrespecting us and see how awesome we are?!

I can get on the astonishment train.
I can get on the anger train too, but I won’t.
I won’t get on the anger train, but I totally understand it!!!
There’s nothing wrong with being angry.
Just remember to get off the train at some point.

More peace.

Msnappy 12 February 2010 at 10:25 pm Permalink

@ Nala- Hmmm, I am natural, a curvy size 10 and brown-skinned. I recently spent 2 weeks in Italy with my husband and the Italian men were all over me. I would strongly urge you to stop thinkiong you are undesirable. I am serious when I say confidence is VERY attractive. If you act like you think you are all that, maybe others will believe it too.

TATI 12 February 2010 at 10:29 pm Permalink

WOW…..I commend all you strong sisters….that can care less, that says, its just a joke let it go….what kind of water yall drinking, can i get a cup…i am not super human and i have to admit that hurts. I would not have mind if he said “i am only attracted to white women” thats a preference, but the disrespect was inapropriate especially when you have the potential to influence millions or a platform that reaches millions he said his dick hates/dispies/considers unequal/ doesnt regard as human/hates black women. THAT IS WHAT THAT COMPARISON MEANT, IF HE ATTEMPTED TO BE FUNNY THAT WAS TASTLESS AND HURTFUL.Yes I UNDERSTAND ITS ONLY A JOKE,BUT IT EFFECTS BLACK WOMEN AND THE WAY THE WORLD CAN TREAT US AND IT WAS HURTFUL. SAYING I ONLY DATE WHITE Women or I AM ONLY ATTRACTED TO WHITE WOMEN IS DIFFERNT FROM THAT STATEMENT. We are constantly looked down upon and its not right and unlike some of you I am human and I had to build my black female students who would tell me that hate their skin and hair (THESE WERE 7yr olds BABY GIRLS). We are all reacting in a tasteful manner so I get tired of hearing ” thats why black men dont like us CAUSE WE GET TO ANGRY OR WHAT EVER THAT WAS SAID” OH really, bc we are defending our selves. i guess we should ignore THIS for the sake of not being labeled “black angry women”…WAKE UP….IF NO ONE SAID ANYTHING..TO THIS WORLD WE WOULD STILL BE LOOKED AT AS ANGRY BLACK WOMEN…IT WAS A TIME THAT EVERY REALITY SHOW CASTED AN ANGRY BLACK WOMEN (ARMOROSO, ANTM, REAL WORLD ETC.) SO THE FACT THAT WE ARE RESPONDING TO THIS HURTFUL COMMENT WONT CHANGE THE WAY THEY LOOK AT US HOWEVER THEY WILL THANK TWICE BEFORE THEY say these things AND THE LESS WE HEAR THIS TYPE OF HATEFUL BS, THE CLOSER WE ARE IN HELPING OUR YOUNGER SISTER AND CHILDREN TO AVOID THE same BS WE GREW UP WITH, WE SEE AND LIVE THROUGH EVERYDAY

@who ever tried to tie this to the discussion on IR dating.
Yeah some black men and some white men disrespect black women and I will not let that be an excuse for only dating one race exclusively or putting up with BS and settling….if you are a quality man and you are at my level we can talk.

Ashley 12 February 2010 at 10:42 pm Permalink

I think he was asked this question because they were talking about how much he’s liked (or at least was haha)by the black community (Remember when he was on Chappelle’s Show).
He said a lot of offensive and questionable things about groups and individuals. He’s become more and more of an ass over the years and I’ve been turned off by it for a while now.

Jtech 12 February 2010 at 11:03 pm Permalink

Straight up. What difference does it make what John Mayer or any other white man says.

Black woman in 2000-2010 Worship White men. Period.

Expect comments ranging from Blaming Black men to they still love him. Black women of today seem incapable of saying anything negative against White men. On the rare occasion they do. They are quick to throw Black men under the bus also.

So I say great. I’m glad more and more white men are expressing the opinion the everybody already knew. But keep worshiping them ladies. Keep it real.

'didi 13 February 2010 at 12:02 am Permalink

Andrea Plaid from Racialicious and LaToya Peterson from Racialicious and Jezebel said all I needed to say. No need to reiterate.

Kay 13 February 2010 at 12:05 am Permalink

@ Jtech
How do we worship white men??

Because we made a choice to date out our race because most half decent black man now a days dates anything but black. I dated out my race but I have my black man…I make $70,000 a year, i have a car, a house and no kids Im 28. I date on my level black, white, red or blue. By the grace of God I met a black man that was on my level that wasnt ghetto didnt have any kids had a degree and was an honest man. Everyone that has met him tells me how lucky I am because we all know how hard that is to find in the black community. Keep living in ur idealistic world of black love and how much our black men stick by black women when u know good and well who chases around whites. Dont be mad its a new decade and black women have to look else where. We are only doing what our counterparts (black men) have been doing for years and years. I have handsome, smart, educated cousins that wouldnt give a black girl a 2nd look!! They only date nonblack women!! But no we worship white men because NOW we date out our race after years of waiting and hoping a black men will settle down with us. Black men degrade up constantly us. I as a black women an tired of black, white, red, whatever MAN that degrade us period!! We are not about big asses and big loud mouths!!

Kim 13 February 2010 at 12:13 am Permalink

John Mayer is an egomaniac and he feeds off infamy. I’ve never been a fan of his music, and now I have good reason to never be a fan of the man himself. I’ve wasted enough time thinking about his comments which can be likened to a barrage of verbal diarrhea.

Jackie 13 February 2010 at 12:14 am Permalink

@Kay… I actually agree strong with Jtech’s statements. I don’t think she’s berating anyone for marrying a white man, or being in an interracial relationship. I do think though that it gets to the point that black women are blind or excessively forgiving of the bogus things white men do sometimes.

I just don’t know why it’s this drastic swing from hating ALL black men to loving ALL white men. There are bogus white men out there, TRUST. I met them in college. And ‘affirming black women and our hair’ is the LAST thing on their agenda.

I don’t say that to be a fear mongerer. I support black women who date/marry a person who loves them, PERIOD. Black, white, purple, green whatever. But I think that we are incapable at times of being nuanced in our beliefs.

I’m still amazed at some people who don’t think there’s anything wrong with John Mayer’s comments and seem kind of embarrassed that black women have raised a fuss. Embarrassed about what?? Even in 2010 we are WAY too ‘caught up in the gaze of the master’.

I’m an intelligent, educated, upwardly mobile, well-off married black woman also. (My husband is black.) But best believe I am NOT ashamed to be publicly offended at things that are said about black women. I am NOT ashamed to voice my objections when I feel as though black people are spoken about in a negative manner.

I think a lot of times when we “make it” as black people then we want to just keep things quiet, and not ruffle too many white people’s feathers. F THAT! We are still a far, far way from equality.

honeyfaced 13 February 2010 at 12:24 am Permalink

is anyone else mad about playboy provoking these questions? not to take the blame off of mayer, but why did the the interviewer find it important to ask specifically about black women? why not women in general or another group of women? not to say that asking those questions would have made it any better. i think this just goes to show that our society views us as the butt of some twisted joke. think about it. we’ve always been portrayed as hyper-sexualized from josephine baker to modern day video vixens or we’ve been the mammies, pickaninnies or the tragic mulattos. it’s funny how mayer described the black women he is attracted to. he basically likened them to white women. john mayer is entitled to be attracted to whom ever he pleases but i’m so tired of our society condoning these sexist and racist ideas about black women.

Msnappy 13 February 2010 at 12:31 am Permalink

AMEN KAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many athletes do you see with black women on their arms? They want the Kim Kardashian’s but we are supposed to sit around being lonely b/c it IS difficult to find an articulate, educated, self-sufficient black man that wants a black woman.

TATI 13 February 2010 at 1:06 am Permalink

@JTECH AND JACKIE

???? OK YOU SAY GREAT THAT BLACK MEN AND WHITE MEN DISRESPECT BLACK WOMEN…HOW ABOUT NO ONE SHOULD DISRESPECT US AND WHO EVER SAID BLACK WOMEN WORSHIP WHITE MEN,,YOU WOULD BE A FOOL TO SETTLE WITH SOMEONE BC THEY ARE BLACK…YOU GO AHEAD SIS AND DO THAT GIVE ME A CALL IN A FEW YEARS,BEEN THERE DONE THAT NOW DIVORCED…BUT A MAJORITY OF SISTER WONT…WHITE WOMEN AND EVERY OTHER WOMEN WONT BUT WHEN WE STAND UP ITS A PROBLEM…REALITY CHECK THEIR ARE MORE BLACK MEN THEN BLACK WOMEN….AFTER U FACTOR OUT THE BROTHERS THAT ARE IN JAIL, GAY, AND THAT REFUSE TO DATE BLACK WOMEN THEY ARE NOT ENOUGH FOR ALL OF US, SO i GUESS WE SHOULD MAKE THE 40% OF BLACK WOMEN THAT WILL NEVER MARRY EVEN LARGER OR MAYBE WE SHOULD GET WITH EACH OTHER! WRONG!!!!! FIND LOVE WITH WHO EVER IS GOING TO RESPECT YOU AND TREAT YOU RIGHT AND THAT YOU ACTUALLY LOVE AND IF A MAJORITY OF SISTERS ARE FINDING IT ELSEWHERE THEN I AM HAPPY FOR YALL,JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER WOMEN YOU DESERVED TO BE LOVED!BROTHERS(NOT ALL) HAVE BEEN DOING IT AND STILL ARE… MAYBE WE SHOULD BE LIKE BACK IN THE DAY AND WAIT HOPE PRAY THEY SEE WHAT WE AND OTHER (AND I KNOW NOT ALL OTHER)IN BLACK WOMEN AND CONTINUE TO BE CALLED ANGRY BLACK WOMEN. WRONG AGAIN! YEARS AND YEARS WE HAVE BEEN STANDING BY OUR JASON KID, RICKFOX, REGGIES BUSH, ODUM (DONT KNOW HIS FIRST NAME, KHLOE KARDASHIAN HUSBAND), KANYE WEST,JOHN LEGEND AND THE COUNTLESS OTHER BROTHERS THAT DONT DATE US. WE BLACK WOMEN DONT WANT TO GET DISRESPECTED BY WHITE OR BLACK AND WE ARE VERY WELL AWARE THAT SOME OF THE BOTH RACES OF MEN WILL DISPRESPECT US AND SOME OF BOTH WONT….BUT TO SAY NOW THAT JOHN MAYER SAID THIS WE NO LONGER DATE WHITE MEN…WHAT THEN NEXT WEEK WE WILL NO LONGER DATE BLACK FOR THEIR STUPID COMMENT LIKE THE RAPPER THAT SAID “I DONT DATE DARK BUTTS” PLEASE YOU SOUND DELUSIONAL AND IRRATIONAL…..IF SOME ONE NON BLACK TREATS ME WITH RESPECT, WHY NOT BC CAUSE OF BLACK LOVE…..LOOK AROUND SIS, NOT ENOUGH BROHTER FOR BLACK LOVE….IF YOU HAVE YOURS GREAT AND IF HE ONLY HAS KIDS WITH YOU AND MAKES JUST AS MUCH AS YOU AND IS ON YOUR LEVEL, EVEN BETTER BUT DONT HATE IF THE ONLY BLACK MEN THAT I HAVE COME ENCOUNTERED WITH HAVE MULT KIDS WITH, A JOB AND NOT A CAREER, AND OTHER BS.. AND THE NON BLACK MAN IN MY LIFE CAME TO ME LIKE I CAME TO HIM NO DRAMA, NO KIDS, AND A CAREER THAT IS ON HIGHER LEVEL THEN MINE,,THATSMY PREFENCENOKIDS GAINFULLY EMPLOYED AND LOOKS DONT REALLY MATTER…IF HE WAS A BLACK MAN I WOULD BE HAPPY TOO,,BUT HONEY I BEEN THERE DONE THAT…I WAS MARREID TO AN ANGRY BLACK MAN, THAT HAD A CHILD WITH A BABY MOMMA THAT PUT ME THROUGH HELL AND BACK, AND I WAS THE BRED WINNER AND HE NEVER LET ME FORGET THAT AND COULD NOT GET OVER THAT, THAT WAS NOT THE LIFE FOR ME..IF A BLACK MAN CAME ALONG WITH MY REQUIREMENTS I WOULD BE ON HIM LIKE WHITE ON RICE HOWEVER HE DID NOT AND IF IT DOES NOT WORK OUT WITH MY MAN, I WILL DATE HOWEVER MEET MY REQUIREMENT…WHITE,BLACK,SPANISH CHINESE…..I WATCH THEY WAY MY BROTHER HELD IT DOWN FOR MY SPANISH SISTER IN LAW AND THATS WHAT I WANTED AND THATS WHAT I NOW HAVE…I LOVE THE MAN I HAVE NOW AND HE IS JUST THE ONE FOR ME AND JOHN MAYER’S COMMENT DOES NOT HAVE A DAM THING TO DO WITH IT AND HONEST NEVER WILL AND I AM NOT THE ONLY SISTER THAT FEEL LIKE THAT AND I AM PRETTY SURE THERE ARE SISTERS THAT FEEL LIKE U,BUT HONEY WE ARE CONTENT, HAPPY AND WOULD NOT TRADE THAT FOR THE WORLD!!!!!!

Lizzie 13 February 2010 at 1:08 am Permalink

Anon said:
“this campaign to smear one race and uplift another, whether it be white OR black is so ridiculous and has gone way too far. and i’ll repeat what i said before: we as black women need to just learn to love and accept ourselves and work on building ourselves. love will and does come to us. black women are too outwardly focused. let the conversation stop being about what race is good for us and just be about US.”

I totally agree! The smear campaign is really unnecessary & has gone to far. Seriously, for JM or anyone else, if you have a preference…FINE! What I’m sick and tired of is individuals degrading groups of people by validating/justifying their preference. IMO, it says more about the person than the group they’re degrading. SMH

TATI 13 February 2010 at 1:11 am Permalink

SORRY LADIES FOR ALL THE TYPOS ITS 1:OO AM AND I AM TIRED AND SHOULD BE IN BED;)

Loquacious 13 February 2010 at 1:14 am Permalink

Mayer’s comment was rude and inappropriate. I understand that white women are HIS preference, but damn, he sure didn’t have to express it the way that he did. His comments were hurtful to me and disrespectful. However, John Mayer is not all white men. Damn, black folks get mad when they are asked to speak on the entire black american perspective, so why should we do this with John?

Some may say I am trying to make excuses for John. I am not. I am simply stating that ALL white men ARE NOT like John because the one I married thinks John is a “damn jackass.” Finally, for those of you who want to hoot and holler about IR and spit negativity, I say this simply: You do you and let me (and all other IRs) do me.

p.s. I am sure Mr. Loving didn’t think like John Mayer (i.e. read Loving v. Virginia and get some history).

Nell 13 February 2010 at 2:07 am Permalink

this is really disappointing.
i have liked John since his first single, and have even been to see him in concert (which i was invited to sit front row at, may i add…). and i still liked him up until i read this interview.
and not even his comments about black women, he also said something along the lines of how he has a “hood pass” and used it interchangeably with “nigger pass” as if a “black pass” is the same as a “hood pass” because all of us live in “the hood”, and we give white people who have been on famous black shows like the Dave Chappelle Show passes…pure foolishness. and in addition, he named black women he would date…who all could pass for white, and then said something about getting head from Kerry Washington….completely inappropriate, rude, and wrong.
i’m still trying to figure out if he was high or not, because if you read the entire interview, it makes no sense at all. in any case, this is obviously how he truly feels (we all know how drugs and alcohol can make the truth come out of people). and it really is sad and disappointing.

i would say that we should raise our voices against this, but i feel like his biggest allies will be black men.

ayanna 13 February 2010 at 2:42 am Permalink

@ Msnappy, I wasn’t trying to imply that black women are utterly incapable of snagging white men on the regular. That was not the gist of my long-winded point. You’ve snagged them. I’ve snagged them too. And they try to snag me too on occasion lately. The point was NOT in the “snagging” per se but that 1) that incidental snags don’t negate the larger dominant, eurocentric narrative about black women not being ideal and 2) there is a dominant, cultural system in place that does not presuppose that snagging takes place or can or WILL. That does not expect said snagging–to ever take place, that’s the default setting SO when people do and act otherwise, it’s an exception to the dominant narrative–not because I say it doesn’t happen to black women or anything like that. And how and why is that?–is kind of what I was attempting to muse about in regard to John Mayer.

That’s why tons of people AGREE with what he said all over the net and other media outlets under the guise of let the man have his preference but there is something deeper lurking under that. There usually is when folks proclaim their unttraction to black women–and yes, likewise, if someone says the same about white women. But AGAIN, it’s different, not analagous and sends a completely different message. I don’t know that I necessarily expect that to be the case about all black women, or that I am heralding that “society sees you as the least desirable of any race” but I call it like I see it. Not because I want to see it that way or that I necessarily share that point of view.

Chrystal 13 February 2010 at 3:40 am Permalink

Since when has it become socially acceptable to have celebrities/politicians to say anything about a race people especially black people? I remember when Jimmy the Greek made his comments and he was bannished from the world of sports never to be heard of again. And his comments weren’t that bad and did have a ring of truth to them.

It saddens me that blacks have become so complacent in the past 2 decades to not challenge the questionable remarks made by so called celebrities/policitians. His comments demand more than just apology on twitter and a quick reference in a concert. His concerts are full of caucazoids. Why is he apologizing to them? He didn’t offend them with his David Duke C*ck? Why don’t doesn’t he do an interview with Essence magazine and apologize?

These people should be held responsible for their remarks. It should be like the “old days” where your feet were held to the fire and your career would be in jeopardy for speaking stupidly. Now and days it is totally permitable and acceptable for these media whores to make statements and then ask the stupid question am I racist for saying it.

I am not understanding why a question about Black women would be asked of John Mayer. He has made no intention of dating or being seen with black women or any other race of women. Just like Bret Micheals has not ever been seen with a Black women or any other woman of color. If that is his preference I am cool with that but he didn’t have make such ignorant comments.

Chrystal 13 February 2010 at 5:12 am Permalink

Chidi,

I am not whining. This isn’t just about him and his preference. I could care less who he screws. The man is not very handsome to me. But why announce it to the world? These comments aren’t cute and cheeky. Why did he have to open his mouth and say anything about a Black female? Can you name any other time where a man has said anything negative about females of another race? when was the last time you heard a celebrity say anything negative about white women and their preference?

There are lots of men of other races who undercover and attracted to black females but will not say so in public because of how their friends and family will treat them. I have meet lots of asian guys that dig the black females but know they cannot bring them home.

Nakias 13 February 2010 at 7:42 am Permalink

Chidi, I totally agree. The man is entitled to the way he feels. I think so many black women are up in arms because on some level they still seek acceptance from white men, or whites in general. His opinions could certainly have been expressed with more couth, but again, he’s entitled to the way he feels.

We (black women) have become so overly concerned about how we are viewed, if we are accepted, etc. Who gives a shit! Let’s just love ourselves so that comments like his won’t need to be a topic of discussion anywhere.

Intelligence Speaks 13 February 2010 at 8:03 am Permalink

@ Chidi

Unfortunately, your so-called objectivity is completely undermined by your blindness.
Many of these men and women who have voiced their opinions here are NOT
whining or crying.
They’re simply debating a current event.
They’re heatedly discussing racism in an effort to combat it.
Based on your ostensibly objective logic, the Civil Rights Movement might as well be reducible to a whining and crying fest too, right?
Is that objectivity or complacency?
Is that objectivity or stupidity?

A preference stated as a prejudice skews that preference toward racism.

One has every right to one’s preferences.
No one here has a problem with Mayer’s PREFERENCES.
One can also be as racist as one wants to be.
But we don’t have to stand for it.
We don’t have to be OK with it.
We have every right to rage against it!

And — hold up — “minorities in general aren’t longed after by white men?!”
What?!
Chidi, are you one of those poor children who got left behind in that no child left behind Act?
I ask, because you sure sound like you don’t know very much.
Now THAT’s something for YOU to cry about.
But — hey — it’s never too late.
Maybe there is hope yet for you too.

Jtech 13 February 2010 at 8:14 am Permalink

Black women of today have a complete BLIND loyalty to White men. It is borderline Idol Worship. That is sick. You women are 1000x worse than Black men ever where.

Black men do date out. But to go to the extent that Black women do by making blogs, utube videos, romance novels, and hell even desperate seminars to find a white guy. You women look pathetic.

Now every other week a white guy is beating, abusing, publicity dissing black women. What do Black women do? They fight tooth and nail to defend white men. While at the same time bashing ALL black men.

Black girls and Black boys both failed the Doll test. The proof is in the pudding.

For the Black girl that said wait for your relationship to fail with a Black man. Well your relationship fails with your white knight. I know exactly where you will be. HIDING. Why because they have you women in Check that is why. Black women love to tout how BW/WM relationships last so long. Of course they do. Why would a Black woman breakup with her living God. White men could cheat, beat, and abuse a Black woman. And she would never leave him.

Black women. Be real. Stop worshiping ANYBODY. Call out EVERYBODY. This blind loyalty you claim you had for Black men and which you definitely show for white men. That is going to be your downfall.

Oh and 5 years from now when you start seeing the backlash from this White man worshiping going on today. The only people you will have left to blame is YOURSELVES. Black woman taking responsibility for her own life. That will be a glorious day indeed.

Nicole 13 February 2010 at 8:20 am Permalink

What a heated discussion. I was telling my husband the other day that the older I get (I am 37) the less I care about what people say. However, as one being in the ministry I have to still discuss these issues concerning the media with the young people at my church, girls and boys alike, and make sure that they know who they are, whose they are, and yes, that they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Our young people have enough to worry about with peer pressure and all, so we have to inform, discuss, and affirm their beauty and their worth in this world. Like Jada says, “Girls hold this world up!”

Intelligence Speaks 13 February 2010 at 8:21 am Permalink

@ Chidi

1 more intelligent thing before I go about my weekend errands:

Doesn’t matter what race, gender, or creed you are or claim to be.
My response as well as a lot of the comments here are not ad hominem responses. In other words, they don’t tackle you as a person; they address your argument. In your case, I addressed your argument’s lack of logic and intelligence. So you could be white, black, purple, or blue and your argument would still be glaringly stupid in my eyes.

Intelligence has spoken.
Now she needs to go to the post office.
Keep fighting the good fight, everyone.
But remember to choose your battles too.
There are just a little too many to choose from these days.

Ijustdon't understand 13 February 2010 at 8:33 am Permalink

I don’t understand why the black women who take issue with what Mayer said (without presumably reading the full interview as who among us reads Playboy?) feel that those of us who aren’t jumping loops with madness and anger are somehow giving white males a pass to say what they will about black women.

Maybe some of us, like me, see John Mayer as an untalented idiot who without real malicious intent made suitably idiotic choices during an interview where the questions sound designed to make him fall and expose him as a moron. He was also asked if he would consider himself a douchebag if he was not himself.

Maybe we are also those women who see people as people and in 2010 are not so caught up in the idea of race and racial divides like some of those who protest so much that they are enlightened but certainly do not show themselves to be in their words or reaction to this incident. I can see Mayer as one fool in a sea of many men who are all different and not of one mind. Mayer is not all white men as Young Berg is not all black males. I have an issue with those women who feel they only need to hear one disparaging phrase that stereotypes and negatively portrays black women and then are only to willing to stereotype others and show their hostility to others in the same way (be it white or black males).

Why are we so caught up in how desirable we are or not to anyone? It smacks of insecurity and an aggression that is wholly unattractive to any sentient being. We are not all one single unit nor the same. Kiki may have white men asking for dates while Brianna tends to attract black males, who cares? Too many generalizations, stereotypes and too much hysteria permeates this site and many others where black naturals congregate.

Memaysha 13 February 2010 at 8:44 am Permalink

Who cares if he isn’t attracted to black women? Not me. Get over yourselves. And what about what he says was degrading? I don’t see anything wrong with what he said. And the media isn’t making a big deal about it because most white men probably think this way too. If they thought bw are attractive then why aren’t BW/WM the largest interracial group? Not all races find black women attractive. I think the women here are having such a problem because they either thought that a majority of white men found BM somewhat attractive (in their own way) OR they thought that the media would come to their defense. And now that they’ve have neither some of them have gone a bit mental. LOL!

Venna 13 February 2010 at 9:43 am Permalink

Damn John Mayer,we’ve got DeNiro. Went Black, never looked back. Peace.

TATI 13 February 2010 at 10:59 am Permalink

@CHIDI

NO ONE IS OFFENDED BY HIS PREFERENCE, IF YOU READ MOST OF THE RESPONSES A MAJORITY OF SISTERS MADE THAT CLEAR, HOWEVER TO USE HURTFUL WORDS TO DESCRIBE BLACKS (NIGGER) AND COMPARE HIS ATTRACTION TO BLACK WOMEN WITH THAT OF A RACIST KILLER IS OFFENSIVE…KUDOS TO YOU…YOU CAN GIVE TWO SH%TS ABOUT HIS COMMENT, HOWEVER IF HE CAN MAKE SUCH A VULGAR STATEMENT AND WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO DISCUSS HOW WE FEEL JUST LIKE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CARE LESS….ONCE AGAIN NO ONECAN CARE LESS ABOUT HIS PREFERENCE, ITS THE DISRESPECTFUL AND INAPROPRIATE WAY IT WAS CONVEYED!!!

TATI 13 February 2010 at 11:17 am Permalink

@jACKI

I HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU ON THE POINT YOU MADE, WE CANT WORRY ABOUT RUFFLING WHITE FOLKS FEATHERS IF WE ARE DISRESPECTED WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO NOT ACCEPT IT AND STAND UP…EVEN IF WE DO NOT REACT WE WILL ALWAYS BE SEEN IN THE SAME LIGHT.

NO ONE IS ARGUING ABOUT BEING THE LEAST DESIRABLE, SISTERS ARE ACTUALLY MOVING ON AND FINDING LOVE IN ALL RACES…WE RESPECT THAT EVERY ONE HAS A PREFERNCE BUT DAMN, IS IT SO HARD TO SAY “I ONLY DATE WHITE WOMEN OR I JUST FIND WHITE WOMEN ATTRACTIVE”. I AGREE WITH JACKI,I WILL CONTINUE TO VOICE MY OPINION AND DEMAND APOLOGIZES WHEN DISRESPECTED…I AM SORRY FOR EMBARASING SISTERS LIKE YOU IN THE HOPES OF NOT RUFFLING FEATHERS OR NOT BEING LABELED A ANGRY BLACK WOMAN.THAT WAS MORE THAN STATING A PREFERENCE THAT WAS INAPROPRIATE AND THAT IS ALL WE ARE SAYING.

AGrlCanMac 13 February 2010 at 12:01 pm Permalink

No ones saying how he articulated himself was inexcusable in the likeliest. It was disgusting and wrong on so many levels, Playboy totally baited him, and his stupid azz took it. But what a lot of us are saying is TO HELL WITH HIM AND WHAT HE THINKS. Who cares about his damn preferences and after that interview I doubt any white women will want him. He’s sexist period. He may represent how some/many white men feel but just like we don’t like being generalized, we can’t generalize them either. We know who we are and that there are plenty of men that want us. You want to make a statement to him, hit him where it hurts, in his pockets. Boycot him and stop buying his music and going to his concerts, etc.

We as black women have to stop looking at these damn statistics of who finds us attractive to validate us for one. Real confidence doesn’t go fishing for it from anything outside of itself. Who cares what those statistics say! YOU determine your destiny not those things! Take care of yourself: eat right, stay active and keep yourself looking good and tell me that you won’t be attractiing men. If that does’t work then maybe there’s something inside of you that you need to work on but it’s imparitive that we believe for OURSELVES that we are desireable and have something to offer a man (of any race). Confidence is real. And when you genuinely have it, not to be confused with delusion or conceit though, men are all over it.

'didi 13 February 2010 at 1:24 pm Permalink

K, I’ve read this entire discussion and I’m yet to see any whining and crying. What I am seeing are people who are offending and breaking down what he is saying to expose the racism behind it. I mean, calling your penis a KKK leader is a pretty awful thing to say. As the Black Snob said: “I didn’t know your dick belonged to the Klan. NOT FUNNY. The Klan is NEVER FUNNY. They KILL PEOPLE.[...]Just say, ‘I find some black women attractive, but I’ve never seriously dated any.’ HOW HARD IS THAT?”

I don’t care about his preference. I’ve had a white guy tell me “I’m not attracted to black girls” and I shrugged it off. I wasn’t attracted to him either.

I don’t attract any guys to begin with, so there is no groveling for Mayer’s acceptance on this end. There is more to life than men.

IMO, I think a look into what anti-racism is about will show to some people that the outcry on this blog (and others) isn’t about whining at all. It’s about speaking against putting down one group and uplifting another.

Msnappy 13 February 2010 at 2:14 pm Permalink

Sheesh, I can’t believe this discussion has taken the turn it has!! John Mayer is ONE man! There is no “they”. He is entitled to date whomever he chooses. He has a right to name to penis what he chooses. Was it nice to say? No, but who cares!! Why would you care if he influences other white men not top date you? Find someone who finds you attractive and does not care what some media hungry, attention grabbing, chauvanistic pig thinks If you are sitting around fretting over what one man says, then you have some serious self-esteem issues. There are thousands of men that feel this way. There are also thousands of black women who feel the same way about non-black men. Do you thonk thise men are sitting around bitching b/c ONE black woman doesn’t want to take them to bed? It’s no wonder we as black women have the reputation we do. We get up in arms over the most silly things. Relax, John Mayer’s penis shouldn’t define you!

kechy 13 February 2010 at 2:21 pm Permalink

as for me i never thought john mayer was a good musican. he’s just a copycat and by the way lets look at it this way…..A WACK MUSICIAN WHO FEELS HE ISN’T GETTING ENOUGH PRESS GOES ABOUT SAYING NASTY THINGS APART FROM THE THING HE SAID ABOUT BLACK WOMEN, WHAT OF THE JESSICA SIMPSON CRAP HE PULLED. TO ME ITS NOT ABOUT US BLACKS OR WOMEN BUT HIM. HIM BECAUSE HE ISN’T HAPPY WITH HIMSELF. HIM BECAUSE HE IS DEPERATE FOR ATTENTION.
LADIES, THERE ISN’T ANY NEED TO VENT. WE LET PEOPLE LIKE HIM GET TO US. THERE IS NO NEED FOR US TO BLAME ANYBODY. LETS JUST SIT DOWN, RELAX AND THINK OF HOW TO BETTER OUR LIVES. DON’T LET HIM MAKE US SAD. HE’S JUST LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. HE’S WHACK, HE KNOWS IT, DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT AND IS VENTING OUT. LET’S JUST ENJOY OUR LIVES AND LEAVE PEOPLE LIKE HIM ALONE.

kechy 13 February 2010 at 2:22 pm Permalink

DESPERATE*

Nikki 13 February 2010 at 2:24 pm Permalink

I’m not diggin’ anything. Truth be told, my il na na isn’t keen on him either. Now, if The Rock had said it, I’d be upset. John Mayer, eh, not so much.

MyssReceB 13 February 2010 at 2:51 pm Permalink

As a young black women I was very hurt by what John Mayer said. But, I am not hurt by the fact that he perfers white women, whatever he is into that is his business I could care less. But, what really caught me off guard was the words “white supermacist” and “David Duke”. After researching I found out that supermacist meant one who believes that a certain group is or should be supreme and David Duke was a grand wizard of the K.K.K. So basically what he said was my d**k hates and considers black women to be unequal to white women (when really he could of just said “I am not open to black women” and left it at that). What also upset me was when he said I have a “bennetton heart”, because how can you use the most racist terms ever then say you have a bennetton heart? What John Mayer said was twisted and cruel and as black women we shouldn’t just say “oh it’s just a joke let it go”, open your eyes and your ears we are the butt of this sick joke! I also question PlayBoy who also considers white women to be above black women and why they felt it was nessecary to ask such a question out of all races they just had to put black women on the spot. Yet the bottomline is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion(this is America after all) but that doesn’t mean we have to respect it or just take it as harmless joke when its not!

The Notorious Z.A.G. 13 February 2010 at 3:13 pm Permalink

It wasn’t a joke, it wasn’t offensive to me in the least. LOL@ people being so outraged at this. I mean… He said that some Black women are attractive to him: he even named a few. But he just doesn’t have sex with Black women. Okay…so what? What do you care who he’s getting it on with?
And quite frankly, I’m the same way. I know some pretty hot White guys, Asians and the like… Johnny Depp? *sigh* would I ever have sex with them?? Probably not, because I have a Bennetton heart and a Jim Crow vag. People need to get over it…

The Notorious Z.A.G. 13 February 2010 at 3:16 pm Permalink

PS- considering the fact that he’s f*cked over all the White gals he dated anyway, Black women should be happy!

Memaysha 13 February 2010 at 5:05 pm Permalink

@The Notorious Z.A.G.

LOL! Same here. I’ve seen some good looking white guys, but I have a black nationalist va jay-jay.

Vanisha 13 February 2010 at 5:38 pm Permalink

im still not up to date on this story lol i need to hear what he said

92 Responses to “John Mayer=epic fail”

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