Loving your hair through the awkward stages… *Update*

18 February 2010 ~ 37 Comments

Loving your hair through the awkward stages… Update

********************UPDATE**********************
Okay, so I’m going to update this post with some of the best advice I’ve heard from the comments section.
When you are having a rough time with your hair some good ideas are to…

1. Put in braid/twist extensions so that you can have a ‘break’ from your hair. Just make sure they aren’t too tight, and that you’re tending to the hair underneath.
2. Avoid mirrors (LOL!!!) Or at least avoid excessively looking at them and searching for flaws.
3. Wait for Spring. The winter blues can hit hard (especially in snowy places like Chicago) understand that your ‘blah’ attitude about hair might be an extension of your ‘blah’ feelings about the winter season.

What do you guys think? A good list?

******************************

One of the challenges of being natural is loving your hair at every stage. When we do the ‘big chop’ we press the re-set button, and have years of hair-growing to look forward to. But the exilheration and joy many feel after they cut off that last lock of relaxed hair can give way to frustration as time passes. Our hair hits awkward stages, we suffer hair damage, we get bored with our hairstyles.

I know that I’m currently growing out a terrible trim I did back in October. And that (coupled with Chicago winter weather… which I LOATHE) has got me kind of frustrated. Add the fact that, because it’s so cold I’ve been inside a lot and subsequently put on a few extra pounds (booo!) and sometimes I have a tough time being happy with what I see in the mirror.

So how do you keep yourself motivated when the going gets tough? How do you appreciate yourself at ANY stage — even the homely ones?

37 Responses to “Loving your hair through the awkward stages… Update”

Jc 16 February 2010 at 4:18 am Permalink

A pot watched never boils. I suggest braid it up or weave it up, provided you can find a good salon and you can commit to the one month/two months no free hair.

I actually used to braid my hair quite a lot in the early years (I did it myself) but I then became addicted to free hair so braids can’t last more than two weeks with me. It sort of doesn’t pay off anymore to sit for a day doing the braids only to miss my free hair and take them out after two weeks. However I definitely used extension braids a lot in the first 3-4 years of being natural especially when I was bored or not patient enough.

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Steph 16 February 2010 at 7:24 am Permalink

If my hair is not making me feel pretty on a particular day, I make sure I look pretty in other ways. I did my third BC last year. Since it’s back short, sometimes it makes me feel masculine. (hopefully just a mind thing!) So I make sure to put on makeup and wear cute clothes to compensate. I also give myself positive affirmations and remind myself that we are usually our own harshest critic, and it’s not that bad after all… so rock that hair!

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SofullSista 16 February 2010 at 10:31 am Permalink

I’m at an awkward stage now since my hair is too long for quick afro styles but too short to bun. Thus, it’s been tough finding cute protective styles. I just remind myself how fierce I’ll be when my hair is healthy and long. I’ll rock an out style once/wk to remind myself of my big lovely afro. I also don’t let the cold snowy weather get me down! I’m in a couple of sports leagues to help keep me active b/c I hate working out indoors and I’m too cheap to pay for a gym, the sports leagues help me continue to like what I see.

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vonnie 16 February 2010 at 10:52 am Permalink

I swear that I wrote this! I’m in chicago too, lol, is every web natural here?? We need to do a meetup when it’s warm, because Vonnie doesn’t leave the house in snow! :)

Back to the question, I honestly just keep it going. There are days where I feel hideous, have a pimple, hair doing it’s own thing, feel fat, bored, blah blah, and really, what can I do? I just search the net for hair inspiration, make myself something yummy to eat, and maybe apply a face mask. Then go to sleep and hope when I wake up that a miracle has occurred ;)

http://socialitedreams.wordpress.com

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AfroKisses 16 February 2010 at 11:14 am Permalink

I have often asked myself this question…My hair is still short(I bc’d in July) but It’s growing out of a painfully awkward stage and I love it but I almost feel hesitant that it will somehow manage to find another awkward stage to throw me into. I contemplated cutting it all off again several times(I am a young lady of extremes). However, for every day that I was horribly frustrated with my hair there was a day that I wouldn’t have it any other way. I took the awkward hair as an opportunity to focus on other aspects of my style and it may sound like no big deal but now that I’m starting to occasionally impress people with my fro I am now rocking some fierce earrings and I have learned to do eye-makeup! Something that small always made me feel better…and lots of talks with myself,lol. I also chose not to discuss my hair with others when I didn’t feel good about it, since I didn’t need their input and now that they see that it has grown so much they like it anyway :P(fickle people!)

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lovescrescendo 16 February 2010 at 11:45 am Permalink

As of tomorrow, I will be a 2-month natural (after a 6-month transition)! The shortness doesn’t bother me too much since I can manipulate it. One thing that motivates me is the oncoming warmer seasons where I can literally wash and go with my hair dripping wet if I wanted to. Right now I’m dealing with the awkward short sticking-up-everywhere twists. I’m wearing a hat as we speak. (Btw: This cold weather should be illegal) Long story short, always look forward to the future. I made my decision to go natural and I know more perks will be coming my way!

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Afro_Puff_1985 16 February 2010 at 11:53 am Permalink

You honestly must have been reading my mind. I’ve been going through that stage for about a year now. When I first cut off my hair, my baby afro was chillin. It was easy to take care of and the curls were popping. Then when my hair grew and combine with my lack of hair skills I was was in a funk. I just couldn’t do anything with it. Now I’m slowly getting over that funk. I learned how to twist and I love to do twist outs and just rock out my puff. Today I’m really happy because I just did my first blow out in a long time and I love the length. I’m wearing it in a pony puff which makes me want to cry because this is one of my hair goals. I can’t wait to see how long my hair will be in a year. But to also help me get over my funk of hair, i’ve been getting my hair braided in micros and such. It gives my hair a break through the winter months and it allows me to play around with different styles without hurting my hair. Since I’m very careful with who braids my hair and I condition it. I found that since I’m in IOWA. I know the cold is off the chain since I’m from Jersey. That I needed to change my hair routine cause of the cold. So I condition with braids which I didn’t start doing until now. So that is my journey in 5million words and less. LOL!!!!!

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Black Girl With Long Hair 16 February 2010 at 12:03 pm Permalink

@JC… Girl I am SOOOOO with you!!! I think I might do a post about that next. I really do think that putting in braid/twist extensions (and dare I say it — weave) is a good way for naturals to get a well needed and well deserved break! As long as they aren’t done too tight, and you do your best to care for the hair underneath, I do think it is the way to go!

@Vonnie… Yeh girl we DEFINITELY need to do a meetup. I just discovered a BGLHer who is from the West Side where I’m at! (It seems most Chicago naturals are from the South Side, lol) But yeh man the winter times are rough on the hair and just rough in general. I’m holed up in my apartment anxiously waiting for Spring! It was getting warmer, and then we had that massive snow like two days ago. Booo!!!

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ada 16 February 2010 at 12:15 pm Permalink

this is such a timely post. today I unraveled my twist and it looked a hot messs, knots everywhere.*insert face of horror*. and I had to be in school in couple of minutes..i think my boyfriend noticed how dejected I felt and made a comment. he said “natural hair is much cheaper to mantain right?”. I lol’d inside and immediately became shy, because I showed a vulnerability about how I felt about my hair when usually I am the natural hair nazi, who would cut anyone who dared say anything nasty about my hair.
I put on a beanie, with my satin bonnet inside to protect my hair. and then made a hump in front witt my hair. I applied some eye shadow, which I usually dont do on a regular day to make myself feel a tad better.

sometimes it just sucks, especially at this akward stage of length and then the shrinkage.

i’ll be fine

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Nicole 16 February 2010 at 12:19 pm Permalink

I just remember that this too shall pass, it’s a growing/learning process and I’ve come to accept that my hair won’t always look the way I want it to, maybe even crazy, at a particular time. Often enough, no one really notices but me.

Aside from that, nothing makes me feel good about myself like a good workout; but that doesn’t mean that’s always what I want to do.

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Sandy 16 February 2010 at 12:26 pm Permalink

@Jc

Yes. Yes. Yes.
Braids work.
They’re a perfect protective style for the winter months.
I was preparing to go in for surgery in November, and I knew that the post-surgery recovery process would take a while and that my currently awkward hair would definitely go neglected & unloved, so I went to the local Senegalese braiding salon and had my hair braided (i.e., extensions). My hair is STILL in those same braids, and I plan to take them out on a Sunday during the first week of March. If I could leave them on longer, I would, but I miss seeing, complimenting, and fondling my own cottony goodness of 4b hair.

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Armani 16 February 2010 at 12:44 pm Permalink

i stay away from the mirror…

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revolution girl 16 February 2010 at 1:35 pm Permalink

my hair is currently in its “awkward stage” after i did my big chop for the 2nd time i july. i liked it when my head was completely shaved and when it started to grow back a little, but now it’s at this stage where i feel like i can’t do anything with it and i’m just waiting it out. i expect by august it should be the length it was before i cut it, although i’m going to wear it out once i go home for the summer (may 7th, i think). right now i’m wearing braided extensions, mostly because it’s cold, i feel that my haie is “awkward” and because it’s easier to deal with while away at school and gives me time to figure out styles to wear once my hair grows out more–i can’t wait to do a twist-out! i do love my natural hair, and i can’t even imagine going back to relaxers, but the awkward stage can be very annoying and discouraging.

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Ambrosia 16 February 2010 at 1:51 pm Permalink

READING MY MIND! I did a big chop after only a month of transitioning. I loved my TWA. I felt fierce! Now, my hair is not long enough for a bun or puff and the cold winter is taking its toll. I have been FRUSTRATED! Big Lesson:Winter is no time to experiment or make big changes with your hair. I took a deep breath and went back to the tried and true products that I KNOW work for my hair. Health is more important than length for me so I just want my hair to be the best it can be. Today I’m having a soft yummy, fuzzy curl day and I’m gonna let my crown do it’s thang!!!

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Black Girl With Long Hair 16 February 2010 at 1:53 pm Permalink

Ambrosia (and everyone) You’re right. This definitely could be extended winter blues… and the fact that winter is a sucky time to experiment. Hiding your hair is a great winter regimen.

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Sharon 16 February 2010 at 2:02 pm Permalink

I’m definitely at that awkward stage right now. I heat damages, my hair, so I’m still growing that out. It’s tempting to just BC again because then it was so much easier to style, but I decided to work with the length I have now.

Trying different styles with my hair helps keep things interesting. I did a roller set a couple of weeks ago and that turned out really well. Today I’m about to rock a twist out, once my hair dries.

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AMarie 16 February 2010 at 3:17 pm Permalink

Whooo this piece spoke to me. These days I just keep my hair up in flat twists… need to protect my ends in this cold weather. I love love love my hair. It is my crown and I wear it proudly!

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B 16 February 2010 at 4:44 pm Permalink

Hi. I’m a lurker here, but I’m 3 months into transitioning and I feel like every other week is an off week. I love the feel and the sight of my new growth peeking out from underneath, but I’m just frustrated trying to find new ways to style the two textures and to keep them healthy. I’m not ready to BC yet (I’d like to transition for about a year) but I know I’m in for the long haul and a good deal of it will be difficult. I’m still trying to work out a regimen that works for my very dry hair and the winter is messing me up! LOL. I’m excited about the process, learning for the first time to take care of my hair, seeing my hair for the first time since I was 12, and seeing beautiful black women in their variety of natural textures (and I mean that, I feel like every single natural on the web is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen-its our natural texture because it just works for us!), but I know it’s going to be hard. I’m considering getting a sew in myself just as a protective style and to give myself a break before I tear out all of my hair.

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Critique Direct 16 February 2010 at 4:55 pm Permalink

I loved your blog theme! Did you develop it yourself or is it downloadalbe from somehwere?

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Black Girl With Long Hair 16 February 2010 at 5:23 pm Permalink

@Critique Direct… It was designed by Shari Neal. Check her out here http://www.sharineal.com/

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Tiger 16 February 2010 at 5:57 pm Permalink

I’m at the awkward stage as well and I got frustrated with the same style. My stylist told me to put some color in my hair, but I was sightly confused because I was assuming natural was no chemicals at all and thought color was a chemical. So I put a red rinse in. I like it for now, but we will see how long that last. I did the BC in August of 09.

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Christy Hyman 16 February 2010 at 6:27 pm Permalink

Went to fabric stores and wrapped up the head….

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Robin 16 February 2010 at 11:51 pm Permalink

Oh, the winter blues do suck! I’m at a stage where my hair is falling out and thinning more than it has ever and it seems that it hasn’t grown at all!! I’ve also gained a few pounds and feel unattractive at times, but I just keep telling myself, “I am beautiful and God didn’t make any mistakes on me.” As far as dealing with my hair, I’m doing the castor oil challenge and keeping it in large braids. I then wrap my head with a black satin scarf and place a cute knitted bonnet over my head. I pull the bonnet back slightly to expose the front of my hair, but let the rest of the bonnet hang. Sadly, right now I only have one color, but luckily it is versatile and plus I go to a small liberal arts college where no one really cares about how you look on a daily basis. lol Good luck with conquering the blues!

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nikki 17 February 2010 at 3:03 am Permalink

When I first did the big chop i fell in love with how easy my hair was to maintain, but around the 3-6 month mark oh how awkward I felt with my twa that I had no idea of how to style or take care of. During that point I basically just started to experiment with different hairstyles and accessories and I eventually found what worked.

Right now I’m in Chicago too and I’d like second your loathing – it’s cold and it sucks – and so I’ve been doing twists since December because it’s easy to maintain and I can keep a hat on with them. It’s not my favorite style on me and every now and then I feel a bit blah, but I just try to pin them in a new way or add an accessory here and there and whenever that doesn’t work I just put on some makeup to make myself feel cute. I really can’t wait until April when I can do my twist-out without freezing though.

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janeymac 17 February 2010 at 7:07 pm Permalink

Today, I wore my twists to work and some guy said I looked like a big d&ke, and used those words, because my hair is really short. It was some white guy. I’m still in sophomore fro phase and is currently hiding my hair. How do you maintain the confidence in spite of negative comments?

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NappturallyHappy 17 February 2010 at 11:32 pm Permalink

My hair, which was growing really well for a while, is now barely shoulder length straigtened. At one point, I had my natural hair past bra strap (when straight). I developed split ends after a recent flat iron and I had them cut off because I refuse to have unhealthy hair on my head in the name of length. I’m so mad at myself because I worked really hard to keep my hair healthy and I really want to grow it back to my permie length. I should not have had it flat-ironed. I’m not too mad though. Gives me a chance to rock some fros for a while, something I kinda missed as my hair grew out.

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Chocolatycotton 18 February 2010 at 8:38 am Permalink

I read this blog and several other hair blogs, but I’ve never posted. I’m sitting here running late for work because I’m at an “I hate my hair stage” and trying to figure out what to do with it. It’s definitely at an awkward length (longer than twa and too short to pull back). The length (or lack of) coupled with the temps in the NY/NJ area is definitely frustrating. My “go to” styles like bantu knot outs just don’t work the same.

This topic was truly timely for me and reminds me to hang in there with my hair.

Spring and a little more length are right around the corner!!!!

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lovescrescendo 18 February 2010 at 9:37 am Permalink

@janeymac Just ignore the negativity. It comes with just about everything you do. If you love your hair, then why does anyone else’s thoughts matter? Be proud that you’re different. If people aren’t jealous of you now, they will be when they see your hair at its full potential. Just stay positive :)

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Sandy 18 February 2010 at 12:40 pm Permalink

@janeymac

I think what a lot of us learned from the John Mayer fiasco is that “some white guy’s” opinions do not the truth make.
Sometimes those opinions also do not make any kind of sense.
More often than not, those opinions are better left unsaid.
Some white guy’s opinion about your hair may hurt, but you can always counter with a confident state of mind and metaphorically “brush that dirt off your shoulder.”
Confidence can be difficult to summon up when people around you seem to be putting you down, but always remember that criticism too will pass.
We get rejected one day, and we’re praised or complimented the next.
The bigger picture is this: We have bad hair days. We may or may not have look-like-a-big-dike hair days. We have good hair days. We meet stupid, insulting people. We meet smart and praiseful people.

Your world — your life — is too big to let the smallness of one person’s small-minded actions snuff your self-esteem.

Try to keep your head up and above the small stuff.
Be OK with the fact that you feel hurt.
Be astounded that folks in the world can be so cruel.
As a result, remind yourself never to be so cruel.
Seek answers from your BGLH network of sisters.
Be OK.

Hugs.

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Tiger 18 February 2010 at 12:40 pm Permalink

So I’m new to the natural thing. What is TWA?

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Amma Mama 18 February 2010 at 3:59 pm Permalink

Tiger: Teeny Weeny Afro

That is a GREAT list Leila!

I agree with it all.
Right now I have Senegalese Twist in my hair. Its very cold here in MD and we had severe snowstorm/blizzard last week. The worst snowstorm in 90 years so I’m glad to not have to deal with my hair. I’m cold..lol

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Jc 18 February 2010 at 5:26 pm Permalink

@tiger – TWA – teeny weeny afro – when you chop off all the relaxed or damaged hair and have very little hair

@janeymac -Many times the reason why negative comments hound us is because we think that there is some truth to it or think it ourselves. I think there are very many different types of confidence which can get us through different stages in our journey. Sometimes you have to fake it and eventually this can build into true confidence. You have to question your own internal dialogue and commit yourself to seeing your own beauty as real. You need to seek out positive people who uplift you and wish happiness for you. These steps will drown out any negativity that you may feel and also any expressed to you. I agree with Sandy, stick around here, you’ll be fine!

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janeymac 19 February 2010 at 3:22 pm Permalink

I’m faking it till I make it. I just spent the night babying my TWA even more that night. I love my hair, and it makes me feel beautiful…it’s just at that sophomore phase right now. I’m thinking that it’s a challenge from the universe to see if I’m truly serious about remaining natural. I’m just gonna keep going and loving what I have.

Thanks everyone.
Peace.

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Black Girl With Long Hair 19 February 2010 at 4:44 pm Permalink

@janeymac… it’s funny you said that. just the other day my boyfriend referred to being natural as ‘wandering through the desert’. some people’s ‘desert wandering’ stages are shorter than others, but i think that most (if not all) naturals go through it.

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AdriB 20 February 2010 at 4:12 pm Permalink

My best way to get through my awkward stages is to BE FIERCE!!! Get out that blow dryer, let your hair get as big and wild as possible, put on some cool big earrings, lip gloss, and act beautiful. People totally buy into it. You have no idea.

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Jessica 6 March 2010 at 1:01 am Permalink

Usually I just skim through these blogs and only read ones that -jump- out at me so I can get new ideas to try out and yours did just that. Thanks for this one – it is actually a real good read! Do you have a subcribe area so I can link to it to follow you? Let me know – thanks.

Jessica

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