What keeps you going when you’re struggling on your natural journey?

Angelina 28 February 2010 at 1:45 am Permalink

You have to remind yourself how far you have come along, good or bad, with your natural hair. If you reach for the “creamy crack” you have to start all over again to break away from the “lye”.

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Ariel 28 February 2010 at 2:00 am Permalink

Knowing that my hair will be healthier without a relaxer. My hair is a lot thicker and stronger than it has ever been.

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Jarquisha Hollings 28 February 2010 at 2:12 am Permalink

There were times during my first transition when I couldn’t deal with the stress of having two textures. So I caved and got a relaxer. Immediately afterwards my next transition began. I toyed with heat styling several times in that 9 month period but never was tempted to relax again. Now that I’ve done my big chop and can’t rely on the length of my relaxed ends I get frustrated. So I just braid it up in the front and throw on one of my homemade crochet hats. Accessorizing makes even the worst hair days bearable.

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keyz 28 February 2010 at 2:14 am Permalink

1.I don’t look lyk everybody else
2.I know my hair will get to a crazy long length n no time.
3.I feel lyk Beyonce in ‘ego’ video every day I wear my hair out!!

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Jesmimi 28 February 2010 at 2:27 am Permalink

I remember how horrible it was to lose my hair in bunches, to be burned by the relaxing cream and then have huge scabs on my scalp, and how unhealthy and damaged my hair was. Sigh. I remember all that and then I attempt to pacify my hair again. Lol.

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Michaela 28 February 2010 at 4:21 am Permalink

I remember that God made my hair this way for a reason. Not to just go and get it relaxed. If i made it this far then i can keep going. theres always something to do with it whether its in an all out fro or a pin up style. its as simple as spraying water on it and gettin a wide tooth comb.

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Nadine 28 February 2010 at 8:20 am Permalink

I remind myself of the disadvantages when using relaxers, for example the thinning of hair over time, hair loss, burning, changing the basic structure of the hair shaft which decreases the strength and elasticity. I just think that these things are not worth going through just for an ‘easier life’. If you take the time to learn what products your hair likes and dislike, things will eventually get easier. Patience is key. Personally I like the fact that this is the real me, and I’m proud of that.

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Kinky Rhonnie 28 February 2010 at 9:05 am Permalink

The thought of spending five hours in the hair salon every two weeks is enough to make me never want to go back. lol

Also, I find relaxed hair to be BORING!

I envied natural hair for many years prior to embarking on my own journey.

I celebrated my two year anniversary on February 17, 2010 and there’s no turning back.

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misslycia 28 February 2010 at 9:20 am Permalink

I transitioned my hair for almost a year, which seemed like a long time. Whenever, I had a “crazy” hair day in the past, I thought about how long it would take to grow my hair out again, and I reminded myself that relaxers are irreversible.

Lately, I have accepted that my hair is stubborn (lol), so I let it do it’s own thing. I go with the flow. If it wants to curl, that’s fine. If it wants to stand out in a million different directions that’s fine too. Embracing my hair’s independence has saved me from a lot of frustration.

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IU 28 February 2010 at 10:02 am Permalink

For me it’s many things but the one that sticks out the most is knowing what’s actually in a relaxer. I can’t imagine how anyone with that knowledge would do that to themselves. Yes there many unhealthy aspects of our world that we have no control over but to (knowingly) pay to have toxic chemicals put on your head is just wild. Even sadder is the fact that the most dangerous relxers are made for children (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzGY7iW2MdQ). Not my video but has a great message.

Relaxing is just not an option to me anymore. If worst came to worst and I genuinely felt like I could just not deal with my hair, I would leave it short indefinitely and probably get it braided every once in a while.

Besidese, really LOVE natural hair. Everything from completely organic locs to huge/shrunken fross to every kind of twist/braid imaginable.

I also know that everything that I’m going through with my hair is nothing more than others have gone through and come out with long, beautiful, natural hair.

I’m also a full-time collge student and that that is enough to keep me busy. Whenever I find myself focusing too much on my hair I go do homework. (There is ALWAYS plenty to do.) :)

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Freda 28 February 2010 at 10:50 am Permalink

When I absolutely don’t feel like dealing with my hair and its routine that lasts hours I remember that its not that much different than when I was relaxed. I’d sit in the salon for hours and half of that time was waiting! I rationalize that a 3-4 hour mini twist session is a lot up front but during the week it takes maybe 5 minutes to refresh and style. I also remember that my hair is unique so when I step outside I know that I won’t look like the majority of black women (with relaxed tresses) or other naturals for that matter. There is nothing like a natural and healthy beauty that stands out from the rest!

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S. 28 February 2010 at 11:23 am Permalink

I think of Esperanza Spalding!

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Vanisha 28 February 2010 at 11:48 am Permalink

i’ve never thought about going back to relaxed hair. so i never get that discouraged.. if i’m having a hard time combing it then i just wont bother with it that day lol. moisturize it and leave it :]

i love my hair

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Snoe_flake 28 February 2010 at 11:52 am Permalink

There are several things that keep me motivated to stay natural:
1) I have become a different person since I BC’d (Jan 06, 2010), there is this sense of comfort and gladness that I don’t want to give up
2) It’s my strong personal preference not to perm my hair, I just don’t want to
3) Lets be real sister girls, being a Natural Hair Girl totally rocks! We scream and radiate confidence and strength. Enough said!

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Melinda 28 February 2010 at 11:54 am Permalink

All I have 2 do is remember the awful smell of lye, the endless hours and hours at the salon only to look like everyone else!! With my natural hair, if I have a bad hair day it is nothing that water (imagine that) can’t fix!

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Ashley 28 February 2010 at 12:57 pm Permalink

When I first cut off my relaxed ends, I had 3 inches of hair. My hair hadn’t been that short since I was a toddler and I didn’t think the length looked good on me. I tried twists and was still unhappy. I wasn’t tempted to get a relaxer or braids but I was very frustrated. My sister and my older cousin kept reassuring me that my hair looked good and that it would grow to the length I wanted in no time. They told me to be patient and within two weeks I found ways to style my hair in a way that made me happy.
I miss the shorter hair sometimes because I went through a lot less product.

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Ashley 28 February 2010 at 1:04 pm Permalink

The one thing that keeps me from going back to the relaxer is remembering all the scabs and scalp burns I used to get when I was relaxed. Whether I scratched my scalp or not, I would have burns. THAT keeps me natural.

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Amma Mama 28 February 2010 at 1:13 pm Permalink

The thickness and fullness of my hair prevents me from getting a relaxer. Sometimes I wanna relax my hair and then I think of how thin & flat my hair was and how I HATED that.

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Amma Mama 28 February 2010 at 1:14 pm Permalink

O yea and then I go on BGLH and other hair blogs for my daily dose of motivation b.c sometimes I feel like I’m the ONLY natural girl.

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Jc 28 February 2010 at 2:32 pm Permalink

I think this is known as a bad hair day. I never have any of these for several years because I’ve realized they usually stem from a lack of patience or over-expectation from my part. I want to do my hair to do something it cannot do (for example when it was shorter try to pull it into a bun when it blatantly could get there) or when it grew longer and I was still on short hair mentality thinking I can cornrow my hair in an hour only to find I had had barely parted it after 15 minutes.

I had terrible relaxed hair and I am now addicted to my natural hair, consequently it would be beyond illogical for me to consider relaxing my hair because of a bad hair day. Usually going back to a five minute hair do works. Simply bun it and leave it alone, find something else to do.

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Michelle 28 February 2010 at 2:39 pm Permalink

i think about the first bc i did back in 98 and how awesome my hair would be now if i dnot gotten frustrated and relaxed. i look at photos of other naturals to encourage myself. i also note the milestones.

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SBF 28 February 2010 at 2:40 pm Permalink

I think to myself that rejecting my natural hair is not much different from rejecting my skin color. I would never think of doing that. So I have not contemplated going back to a relaxer. I do sometimes catch myself thinking that my hair doesn’t look professional. That’s something I’m working on — reminding myself that my image of professional hair must not be defined by western ideals of beauty.

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kechy 28 February 2010 at 2:58 pm Permalink

the pain and expenses of not being natural is my motivation. also my wonderful brother- he gives me the strength to continue. he tells me, to see it a way of life rather than some job or thing. he also tells me to see it as part of me not something i can do and dump at will.
hope that helped.

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pulchri2dinous 28 February 2010 at 3:30 pm Permalink

The thickness of my hair.

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Shenna Nanette 28 February 2010 at 3:38 pm Permalink

Chris Rock’s ‘Good Hair’

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Melissa 28 February 2010 at 4:04 pm Permalink

When I remember my bad hair days with relaxed hair I know I can stick with my natural hair! If I have no patience headbands and hats do the trick.

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Chrissy 28 February 2010 at 5:22 pm Permalink

My sister is natural also and is one to call when I need words of encouragement. I also have to remind myself how far I have come and think how when it looks good it looks GOOD!

The first time I went natural 5 years ago, after about 2 years I gave up and got a perm, BIG mistake. My hair broke off so bad and it was a mess. Everytime I want to give up I refer back to that time to remind myself to keep going.

I also go to natural hair websites such as this one for inspiration.

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BlaqInfinite 28 February 2010 at 5:30 pm Permalink

It’s really quite impossible for me to go back to relaxers at this point; not at all an option. So for me, just have to grin and bear the bad days, and learn to work with it. I don’t really have bad hair days anymore though-that’s the benefit of dreds.

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Nicole 28 February 2010 at 7:02 pm Permalink

No matter what your hair decides to do or not do, I think looking in the mirror, and realizing that I’ve never looked more like “me” than I do now might be one of the most rewarding parts of being natural.

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Cygnet 28 February 2010 at 7:06 pm Permalink

I have a saying that I’ve coined: Simplicity is the best expression of elegance. I’ve never been one to appreciate having to work too hard to look nice, especially when it’s me making my own way hard. In thinking about it only yesterday, I came to the conclusion that if my mother hadn’t had a Jheri curl put into my hair when I was 13, I probably would never have departed from wearing my hair unprocessed. I don’t suggest that I knew any better than most how to care for my hair, but by the same token, what I was doing up until then was, I felt, working okay for me, and I would have happily continued doing it, probably.

And once I got into young adulthood, I began to want to wear my hair natural, but by then I’d become accustomed to the seemingly relative ease of wearing curly perms, and I’d lost the art of dealing with my unprocessed hair. I also tried a couple relaxers at various times and lost my hair to breakage both times. So when, after growing chemicals out of my hair one time, I got tired of having to work so hard to comb my hair, I decided to try a texturizer, which I did for several years. But in all this, I never lost the desire to wear my hair without chemicals. I even began doing serious research into it, months before I even had the thought of beginning my last transition. When the day came that I made up my mind, I decided to make it up for good.

So when my hair starts giving me fits, I take a deep breath, grab something moisturizing, and try to calm it down. In the early days of my transition, and when I’d finally done the last of my series of little snips—I could never bring myself to do a BC—when my hair was the shortest it had been since I was a baby, I constantly reminded myself that my hair would grow when I wasn’t looking. And it did. Now my TWA isn’t so teeny anymore; I can stretch it in the back to 2-3 inches below my cervical spine (below the base of my lowest neck bone), and I’m all about length retention now. Thoughts about returning to chemicals? Why?! Where am I gonna go? I don’t want my hair to be straight, I like it curly. I don’t need to chemically straighten my hair so I can put it on a hot cylinder nor even on uncomfortable rollers or rods to re-curl it. I have curls simply because that’s how my hair already grows, and nothing I put into my hair to clean or care for it hurts my skin, nor do I have to hit myself in the head if my scalp itches. Styles aside, caring for what I already have, the way it is, is the height of simplicity to me. And, I repeat, simplicity is the best expression of elegance :-).

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tiredofthebs 28 February 2010 at 7:08 pm Permalink

The thousands of dollars I’ve spent on hair cuts n products, the years I’ve spent learning about it n how to care of it, the understanding that any hair goal(mines to have healthy long natural hair) comes with time, the feeling that my hair is a tie that binds me to something beautiful, the strenght I’ve gained from wearing my hair in a texture that is not accepted by many people around me, the understanding of y why my late mother n grandmother never permed their hair, and the fact that I love my hair.

I’m glad I answered this questioned, it forced me verbalize why I refuse to give up on my hair journey, even on the days when I feel like crying n shaving my head!

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katie 28 February 2010 at 7:17 pm Permalink

i look at your site, lecoil, etc. and ask mommy what she thinks of my hair. she’ll never tell me anything bad. even if she doesnt like it, she loves me regardless– and i love me, regardless. :)

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tiredofthebs 28 February 2010 at 7:52 pm Permalink

The thousands of dollars I’ve spent on hair cuts n products, the years I’ve spent learning about it n how to take care of it, the understanding that any hair goal(mines to have healthy long natural hair) comes with time, the feeling that my hair is a tie that binds me to something beautiful, the strength I’ve gained from wearing my hair in a texture that is not accepted by many people around me, the understanding of y why my late mother n grandmother never permed their hair, and the fact that I love my hair.

I’m glad I answered this questioned, it forced me verbalize why I refuse to give up on my hair journey, even on the days when I feel like crying n shaving my head!

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My Natural Me 28 February 2010 at 8:27 pm Permalink

I talk to my hair.I also look at pics of “good hair days” and look for the inspirations from other followers!

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Nisus 28 February 2010 at 9:35 pm Permalink

I think about all the people watching me, waiting to see what I will do with it next. I think about the “I told you so” looks from associates & family, and satisfaction of my co-workers when I wear it straight. I think about that next day when it’s back kinky and fabulous and would not trade it for straight hair in a million years. I remind myself that I can always cut it back short or get a weave.

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bee 28 February 2010 at 9:44 pm Permalink

hair growth! and the many comments i get when people see my hair…

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Jennifer 28 February 2010 at 10:08 pm Permalink

What helps me is knowing that I had these same days when I was relaxed as well. Hair is its own entity sometimes. Does what it wants to. It’s always beautiful, though.

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LBell 28 February 2010 at 10:55 pm Permalink

I’ve now been natural for more than half my adult life so it’s safe to say that I’ll never go back to the perm.

Besides the fact that
1) I never liked straight hair on me, even as a permie
2) Perms made my already fine strands even finer (= breakage city)
3) I was never good at self-perming
4) I never liked spending 4+ hours in a salon for a procedure (touch-up/trim/shampoo/condition/style) that took 90 minutes if that
5) I don’t have room in the budget for relaxer touch-ups (which for me were once every 6 weeks like clockwork)

Besides ALLA that, I live in a part of the country where it’s hard to find good stylists for PERMED hair, much less natural hair. And even though there are some braiders and “weave-ticians” here, I REALLY dislike added hair so they’re not an option either.

This isn’t to say I don’t still have bad hair days, as others have mentioned. In fact I’ve had a bad hair month (so much for black history, lol)…but perm or fake hair don’t even cross my mind as possible alternatives.

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lina40 28 February 2010 at 11:20 pm Permalink

- i think of all those curling iron burns I got on my nape, neck, nose, cheek, forehead, and temples when I was relaxed

- i think of those sore spots on my head that hurt when I pressed on them after a perm

- I think of how much vaseline I applied to the scabs so that they dont hurt as much when I tried to comb my hair into a style

- I think of how many years my hair only grew from chin length to neck length and back to chin length again.

- I think of all the fumes, funny smells, questionably santitized hair tools and not so experienced stylists that always told me that my hair was too thick and that I NEEDED a relaxer or a hard press to manage my hair

- I think of the smell of burning hair as an African braider singed my permed hair while finishing my box braids, and then unable to speak English to tell me that she was done and how much the style cost.

It doesnt take much to snap me back to natural, as much as the struggles may annoy me. I can always do another BC and just wear a wash-n-go. I am no longer afraid of the beginning anymore. Sometimes when you walk a new path for a while, its not so scary to take a detour anymore. Definitely a confidence builder over time.

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Akia 1 March 2010 at 2:50 am Permalink

Betty Davis is my laptop desktop! I look at her!

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Sofullsista 1 March 2010 at 8:07 am Permalink

I have accepted my natural hair on its good days and bad days – that’s what keeps me from turning back. By having this acceptance and thinking it is truly beautiful, I know I don’t want to change ANYTHING! I also listen to Donnie’s Cloud 9 song – so uplifting, he says, “Why be a chameleon and wear it bone straight? When it’s so much stronger when its in its natural state!” LOVES IT!!!

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Dannie 1 March 2010 at 9:23 am Permalink

I love my natural hair, and when I think back to being bald head, with see-thru hair, there is no way that I would ever put a relaxer on my hair. I would risk heat damage first. But overall, I just remind myself of how healthy my hair now is and how I want it to stay that way.

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Erika 1 March 2010 at 12:56 pm Permalink

I am so not tempted to got back to relaxing my hair. It isn’t even an option. I actually have nightmares about accidentally getting a relaxer. I love my hair. I love the versatility of styles I can achieve now. I like the fact that my hair growth doesn’t get broken off by chemical treatment.

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Pam 1 March 2010 at 5:44 pm Permalink

I remember my last salon visit and the tears I shed because of the bad burn and then getting a weave on top of that. Their is no going back to screaming “please wash it out wash it out”.

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Enny 1 March 2010 at 8:02 pm Permalink

I remember being BGLHer of 2009.
I think about how many more people look up to me for being a natural.
I recall how much more monotone and difficult my relaxed hair was.
And lastly, I look in the mirror and see how gorgeous my hair is.

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Robin 2 March 2010 at 12:08 am Permalink

I became natural due to a massive scalp infection that acquired during my freshman year of college; in order save my skin I had to shave all my hair…buzz cut. That day was one of the happiest days of my life. I never liked relaxed hair and had always wanted to get rid of all of it, but was never allowed to touch my hair. When I got the buzz cut I felt free and happy…I felt like a weight had been lifted off my psyche. On that momentous day, I told my mother, “I will never get a relaxer again and from now I’ll be taking care of my hair.” So whenever I’m frustrated with my hair, I just think back to where I used to be as a person and look at how much my natural hair has allowed me to grow as an individual. The transformation is beautiful, no matter how rocky the road gets.

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Meika 2 March 2010 at 2:09 pm Permalink

I just think back to how I would curl my hair and the curls would drop within a couple of hours (my hatural hair can hold curls for days when I blow it out). I love, LOVE big hair and to get that affect I do twist outs and knot outs. Big hair would be nonexistent if I went back to relaxing.

I also remind myself of how itchy my scalp would be after a relaxer, not because I had dry scalp, but because I was allergic.

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