True story: Texturized at 2, big chopped at 4

E. Lewis 16 July 2010 at 12:13 pm Permalink

She’s such a doll!! The sad thing is that this is becoming a norm in our society. You have no idea how many moms I had to turn down to “fix” their little girls’ hair. It’s saddening. Thank God she has a great aunt!!

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Jarquisha Hollings 16 July 2010 at 12:43 pm Permalink

Thanks for posting this story. For the past 2 yrs my sister has regretted making this decision when it came to my niece’s hair, but the decision to do the big chop was just too much for her to process. When I did my big chop in January after a nearly 2 year transition and became the local spokesperson for Natural hair, my sister gave me the charge of caring for her hair. The coming years will be a challenge but in the end I hope to teach her to appreciate her texture and the power of what’s in her head and not what’s growing from it.

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Katie 16 July 2010 at 1:00 pm Permalink

What a cutie-pie! She is lucky to have an aunt who can help.

It is sad to see very young children with relaxed, and often very badly damaged, hair. Every time I see that, I have to stop and think of the hundreds of moms I have heard from who not only have the courage to go against the tide and keep their children’s hair natural, but who are working hard to learn how to keep hair and scalps happy. That gives me a lot of hope.

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Vonn 16 July 2010 at 1:22 pm Permalink

My niece has a head ful of natural hair that tangles very easily. Ever since she was almost 2 my sister has been complaining and threatening it with a texturizer. Being the concerned aunt that I am (:) ) I volunteered to take full responsiblity for her hair. I have been the only one combing, washing, styling and buying products for her hair for one year. However, it is not enough. My sister is still ready to “put something in her hair”, because she says she cannot take fighting with my niece. She is very tender headed and combing her hair means lots of tears and noise. My sister is also very busy and has another head of hair to do. To be quite honest, my sister is taking the easy way out, because she does not feel she has the time to learn my nieces hair. I have done everything I can to show her the easiest way to deal with it, but she is convinced that something must be done. She constantly says that she LOVES my niece’s hair texture, but just wishes that she could easily put it into a ponytail “like the mixed kids” . I think many people feel this way about their children’s hair which is why so many run to the texturizer/relaxer. I agree that it is very sad. If I ever have a little girl I hope her hair is as nappy as mine and I will show everyone that our hair is not a curse.

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Leslie 16 July 2010 at 1:33 pm Permalink

I never understood why my mom felt the need to relax my hair. I mean, she grew up in the 60′s and 70′s. Her senior pic had an afro in it. She could have taken care of my hair naturally. However, I would have probably been made fun of in school, as the girl with the ‘nappy’ hair.

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jlowman1 16 July 2010 at 1:40 pm Permalink

She’s is such a beautiful little girl and I’m glad she had an aunt to intervene. I was relaxed at a very young age and its sad because as a child you have NO control over what happens to your hair. I wish you and your niece the best of luck and I hope you can teach your sister as well throughout her little girls journey.

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justicefighter1913 16 July 2010 at 1:51 pm Permalink

Whooo Weee!!! Go auntie! Go auntie! I’m glad that she has and auntie like you to educate your sister and save her head/hair before any further damage was done :)

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Bianca 16 July 2010 at 1:55 pm Permalink

How cute is she! YOU GO GIRL!

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Cheeky 16 July 2010 at 2:14 pm Permalink

What a cutie pie!!!! Although it is unfortunate that mom believed that she could not handle her daughter’s hair, that belief is not uncommon. With companies marketing relaxers for children and to children, it is clear that many people just do not understand that it is still a chemical process that you are putting on your child’s head and that it is completely unnecessary. I applaud the mom and the natural auntie for doing the BC on sweet little K. I think it’s great that mom realized that this was a mistake and made a change. That’s all anyone can do.

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Jasmyn 16 July 2010 at 2:25 pm Permalink

Like Jarquisha said in the post, her sister couldn’t handle the natural texture. That’s always the underlying reason why little girls are permed at early ages. Mothers often don’t want to put so much time and effort into a small head. It all goes back to being acknowledged on the proper way to care for natural hair.
Reflecting upon this, I hope to be like her for my friends and family members: the one to help them appreciate their hair and realize the importance of patience and dedication when it comes to natural haircare.

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donna 16 July 2010 at 2:40 pm Permalink

She is so cute! And what a wonderful auntie she has to care for her hair.

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LaNeshe 16 July 2010 at 2:49 pm Permalink

That is where our hair hate comes from. So early in life we hear “Your head so nappy, you need a perm (relaxer)” and then it takes a long time for most people to understand (if they ever do) that that isn’t the only way to deal with hair, and that hair can be beautiful when not straight. It is so sad.

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Janay 16 July 2010 at 3:02 pm Permalink

I can relate to this story, this past January my mother put the same just for me texturizer in my then 6 year old sisters hair. She claimed it would be easier for her to manage it. Now every morning she flat irons her hair, and does not use any heat protectant at all.My sisters hair has broke off tremendously and is very uneven. Every time i try to say something about it, either my mom or my other sister tells me to mind my business and say i think i know everything since i went natural, which was the end of january. I just want to help what hurts even more is my little sister tells my mother she wants her straightend because she does not like her hair. She said to me once after i washed my hair ” what are you going to do with that nappy head”. What can i do?

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Mavis 16 July 2010 at 4:25 pm Permalink

Thanks for sharing I wish the best for the cutie and her family! I remember when my mom put heat on my hair at the old age of 10. It seemed like a right of passage and I was so excited about all the approval and compliments I received. Looking back though, I cringe at the thought that adults praised my hair in its unnatural state rather than its natural healthy state. hmm.

My friend just launched a line of natural (certified) hair care products for kids. I with her the best and hope that parents take the route of healthy natural hair for their kids instead of trying to make it something it’s not.

here’s the link to Cara B Naturally: http://www.mycarab.com

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thelady 16 July 2010 at 4:27 pm Permalink

this is how the self hate starts and I’m glad her aunt was able to intervene on her behalf

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D 16 July 2010 at 4:50 pm Permalink

And this is the very reason I sometimes HATE being a Black woman, because of this utter retardation on the parts of Black women. Ridiculous. My mother put a perm in my hair at 10 and did not teach me how to care for it nor did she pay for regular touch ups. As a result of the perm I suffered irreparable breakage to the edges of my hair and I am still bitter to this day about it.

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CashmereCurls 16 July 2010 at 5:05 pm Permalink

This is a vicious cycle. When you are raised on relaxers and hot combs and weaves/extensions and have no idea what your real hair looks like or how to take care of it, there is no way that you can pass that knowledge onto your daughters. I’m sorry to say that I have seen worse than this. I saw a little girl sitting in a stroller who had ratty extensions braided into her hair. The really cheap looking ones that are like $4 a pack. How that is better than natural hair I will never understand but I wish that little black girls were allowed to wear their hair natural and then when they are older (say 16) and they decide they want to try something new with their hair it should be their decision. I don’t like that people are conditioning their girls into thinking that there is something wrong with their hair before they have even had time to appreciate it and forcing their viewpoints on them. Kudos to the aunt for being a good natural inspiration.

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LBell 16 July 2010 at 5:29 pm Permalink

I wasn’t going to respond because I didn’t know if I could do it without ranting, but then I saw D’s comment and had to say something.

D, I’m sorry about what happened to your hair. I don’t know how old you are, but PLEASE understand that 1) not all black women are hair-retarded (to borrow your term) and 2) the actions of black women who are hair-retarded doesn’t have to reflect on you unless you LET it. Being a black woman is a WONDERFUL THING. Don’t let other people’s effed-up thinking and effed-up acting sway you from that.

Now…deep breath…

Disclosure: I am not a parent. I am an aunt to a little girl who is 4 years old and natural. Her mom and other aunt are also natural, as is her maternal grandmother. In short: My niece is surrounded by four grown women who LOVE and UNDERSTAND the hair they were born with. And for the record, we are all straight-up-Motherland-nappy.

Very simply: Any parent who has Internet access has ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE for using a chemical on a child’s head. There is WAYYY too much natural hair care information out here. (Google “children’s natural hair care” and watch what comes up.)

Sadly the real thing preventing parents from getting educated is their fear of being judged by their family and friends for not keeping a child’s hair “well kempt” which, STILL, in 2010, usually means “not nappy.” It’s a LOT easier to go with the flow than it is to go against it…it’s called human nature and that’s why you’re seeing so much damage at such young ages. If everybody’s hair is damaged, then it’s no big deal, right? We can just blame it on the “curse” of our genes.

Most black folks know better than to broach the subject of hair with me. Obviously. :)

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michelle 16 July 2010 at 5:58 pm Permalink

I can relate to this article, before I dedided to go natural at 30 years of age, I too used the same hair softener that was used on the child above. I had to ask myself how did the product make my hair more “manageable”. The maintenance that I endured trying to keep the “wet and curly” look was more than if I just would have learned how to take care of my own coils. I used to look at coily/kinky/afro hair like something was wrong with it..and that is truly what the problem is amongst “us”. We have to see our hair as not only beautiful, but as “normal” too. It took me untill age 30 to discover that I had been brainwashed into believing that there HAD to be something done to kinky hair.

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Ari 16 July 2010 at 10:19 pm Permalink

I don’t know any other race of people, besides blacks, who put such corrosive, highly dangerous chemicals in a toddlers hair. The scalp is one of the thinnest areas of skin and can absorb products easily. These little childrens scalps and brains are not even fully developed yet but we are placing sodium hydroxide on it. Just for Me and all of these other “kiddie perm” brands should be shut down my the FDA immediately! These companies are in very high demand and will do anything for a buck. It’s like they are capitalizing on black peoples insecurities about their childrens hair.

There have been scientific studies that prove pregnant women who bleach, perm (as in curly perms usually used by women of other races) and color their hair are allowing dangerous chemicals to enter their bodies through their scalps and cause harm to their unborn baby. Now, imagine putting those chemicals directly on a babies scalp! That is what you are doing when you place sodium hydroxide or its so called “milder version” the texturizer on a 2 year olds scalp. There have been no studies done on the adverse effects of chemical relaxers on pregnant women, possibly because we are apart of a small national population that uses these chemicals. However, can you imagine what a relaxer can do to a pregnant woman and her baby?!

Why in god’s name does a 2 year old need straight hair?? They are so adorable, innocent and sweet at that age. Why in the world does a little black child need to have straight hair that young?!?! Please, some one explain this to me! That is the time to let them enjoy their hair in its natural state. If not, then when can a little black girl ever be fully comfortable with herself?

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Tiffany 17 July 2010 at 9:14 am Permalink

Wow I wouldn’t do at all. I would let her make her own decision when she was aware and understood the consequences.

Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany

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Jade 17 July 2010 at 10:25 am Permalink

Ari,

The reason why blacks are most likely to use such corrosive chemicals on hair is because are hair is the most different from the so-called “standard” of straight, sleek hair. Many other ethnicities who happen to have extremely coily hair get relaxers as well!

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Black Married Momma 17 July 2010 at 1:00 pm Permalink

This is a great example for all those who condone, apply or support “texturizers” to see the true damage being wreckoned on the hair. They are no less damaging or any more palatable than an all-out relaxer, and there is absolutely no reason for these chemicals to be applied to a child’s hair.

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Nina 17 July 2010 at 1:06 pm Permalink

Man, I should not have read this post. It sent me straight to Facebook to check up on a family member who was threatening to relax her 5 year old’s hair. She did it :(. I warned her against it, as did her mother (albeit backwardly because she called the child’s hair nappy in the same breath) and her sister was dead-set against it and even called her on the fact that she (the mother) did not have a perm as a child and had no idea what it was like. I sent the mother links to many natural hair sites specifically for children, but I don’t live close enough to do anything on a regular basis so I doubt she even opened them. The pictures are so tragic. The little girl is BEAMING. When the mother’s sister commented that she “hope(s) that’s not a perm” the mother responded that she wasn’t a “hair expert” like her sister and that the kids were teasing her. Will she get implants if kids tease her for having small breasts? Where does it end? It’s tough enough for her now, and her mother is teaching her to change herself for others at 5. I can’t lie, I’m all about natural hair and hope mine sets a good example for my family, but what hurts most is that this is really not about hair. It’s about self-esteem and what we do every day to build or break it in ourselves and our children.

Another example, a friend who is a pediatrician has a patient that ate relaxer as a small child. Tore her insides up. When I asked if the girl’s hair is relaxed, she hung her head and whispered, “Of course.” To me, it’s not about straight hair, it’s about the things we go through to get it. It’s not just tragic that we don’t think that we’re beautiful as we are, but that we think we are flawed, and even worse that we owe it to someone else (anyone else) to “fix it”. I wish we felt the same kind of social pressure to clean up our environment, fix our schools, educate ourselves, lead active/healthy lives or eradicate poverty. I guess hair is just easier to control…

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Leo the Yardie Chick 17 July 2010 at 2:38 pm Permalink

This is also part of the reason I’m on my Journey to the Big Chop after 15 years of relaxers (Mum sent me off to do it when I was 11). If I’ve ever blessed with a daughter, I will be able to show her than there is nothing wrong with having naptural hair AND I will be able to use the knowledge I’ve gained to care for both her hair and mine.

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Ari 17 July 2010 at 6:55 pm Permalink

@ Jade

I know other ethnicities do use relaxers, but I don’t know of any besides those of African descent, who apply it to the scalp of their 2 year old baby. These kiddie relaxers such as Just For Me are marketed to little black girls and their mothers. You can tell from the colorful packaging to appeal to younger customers and the pictures of young African American girls with straightened or loosened hair from the chemicals. Not one little girl on the relaxer/texturizer box has natural afro textured hair. The products promise to “….mildly loosen curls and kinks that cause hair to tangle and break during combing”.
http://www.jfmvipclub.com/products.html

Well, the hair wouldn’t break, tangle or get very dry if you comb it properly (like starting from the bottom of the hair and working up to the scalp) and keep it well moisturized. And you are right. Our hair is not the so called “sleek and straight standard”, but it is some how better to damage the child’s hair just to pull a comb through it like another race or ethnicity? We are black people! Our hair doesn’t lay flat naturally and it is beautiful. Now if you prefer the straight look and want a relaxer that is fine, but please do not expose your baby to these damaging chemicals.

My issue is not with the use of relaxers. If you want to use a relaxer as a grown adult, or at least when you are old enough to know what it is, then by all means go ahead. My issue is with the use of relaxers and harsh chemicals on the young and underdeveloped head of a little 2 year old because the mother is too lazy to learn how to properly care for afro/curly textured hair. These chemicals are no joke. There is no reason for a child that young to have to have these dangerous chemicals applied to their scalps on a regular basis so young.

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Melissa 18 July 2010 at 4:04 am Permalink

Yikes! Too bad the little girl had to go through that.
I have a two year old and cant imagine putting a relaxer in her hair. Yes it can be a challenge at times (not b/c of her texture so much) but b/c she hates to have her hair combed or washed. Sigh.

Anywho, what ever the challenge it is not enough for me to want to dump a bunch of chemicals on her hair. I can’t even comprehend that.

BTW my little lady’s hair is growing really nicely and very healthy despite the long stretches with out combing or washing.

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beadgyrl 18 July 2010 at 11:23 am Permalink

First I want to say, what a little cutie! She is adorable and I loved how she posed for the top picture. Secondly, I will say I don’t know why young black children have to be conditioned so early to not be familiar with their natural hair texture. I think in my youth, (as an almost 40 year old). Most, not all black moms were more willing to deal with their daughters hair. My mom never relaxed me and my sister’s hair. She let us make our own decision when we became older teenagers, and of course we did, because we though having straight hair would be cute, and thus started relaxing to fit in with others. But as children, mom always washed, conditioned, combed, greased, and braided our hair every Sunday night so it would be ready for school on Monday morning. We wore scarves to bed to keep it neat and she re-braided it as needed. My sister now has two twin daughters, my nieces, and she does the same thing. They are both nine years old, and they have never had any relaxer, or texturizer in their hair. They have beautiful natural hair. I am so sorry this little young lady had to go through this, but I am glad she has an auntie who cares enough to cut that mess out and care for her hair. I hope one day all black women will wake up and stop abusing our hair, and stop abusing our daughters hair as well, out of ignorance, and laziness. We don’t realize how we deny ourselves a head full of gorgeous kinky curls, when we use all these toxic, and harmful products and practices, just for the sake of thinking it looks good. Be encouraged out there! :)

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Angel 19 July 2010 at 11:12 am Permalink

Gosh I felt really emotional when reading this, poor little cutie I am so glad she is loving her BC.

When will we stop harming our children with these dangerous chemicals. At least give them the chance to decide.

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April 19 July 2010 at 11:31 am Permalink

THIS is the VERY REASON why I went natural…I was perming my hair one day when @ 2 my oldest said “Mommy,I want str9 pretty hair like yours” I NEVER realized how when I TALKED about my “naps” or very coarse hair..that she listend and internalized my wack thinking at iwas talking about hers…BOTH of my girls were blessed with very Curly THICK, GORGEOUSE HAIR… that might take us the whole weekend to stlye, braid or pigtail out..but NOW they both appreciates that MOMMY’s hair looks like theirs!

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LHDC 19 July 2010 at 11:32 am Permalink

I don’t know if this is a “trend” but I have two daughters of my own and have NEVER, EVER thought to put any type of chemical in my girls’ hair. In fact, I have made it a point since day 1 to make comments and remarks about how beautiful their hair is each time I wash it, detangle it or style it. I engage my husband as well & often times he compliments their hair on his own.

My girls are a bit older than 4, but I can clearly see how much both of them love their hair – when it is braided, twisted, bunned, their yearly flat iron, and even loose – natural coils and ALL! I let my girls play in their hair, feel it. I deliberately point out to them and show them hair that is “like” theirs on TV, in books & magazines AND I intentionally seek out dolls that are not only Black, but have hair similar to theirs as well. Honestly, I think all that helps.

My youngest (4 at the time this pic was taken) requested to wear her hair out for her pre-school graduation and I let her! Mind you, we live in the suburbs of a metro area that only has about 10% total Black population….here’s a pic of my baby in her cap and gown: http://tinyurl.com/27tc7nz

The way our daughters AND sons feel about OUR hair, like everything else starts at home. And in my opinion, nothing or no one impacts a child’s self-esteem and self-worth more than her/his own parents.

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serenissima 19 July 2010 at 1:30 pm Permalink

@beadgyrl:

‘My mom never relaxed me and my sister’s hair. She let us make our own decision when we became older teenagers, and of course we did, because we though having straight hair would be cute, and thus started relaxing to fit in with others. But as children, mom always washed, conditioned, combed, greased, and braided our hair every Sunday night so it would be ready for school on Monday morning. We wore scarves to bed to keep it neat and she re-braided it as needed.’

this is my EXACT story. i have a TON of hair and i am extremely tender-headed… it was a struggle every Sunday between my hair, my mom and the comb and i always ended up in tears but my hair got done in gorgeous two-strand twists that lasted a week at the very least.

by junior high my hair was mid-back length and all i wanted to do was wear it long and straight for graduation. i convinced my grandmother to give me a perm one summer and my mother was LIVID. while i luckily retained most of my length, now that i have gone natural again and see the rapid growth and improved health of my hair, i can only wonder what would have happened if i hadnt relaxed for ten years… and how would my mindset have been if i had never believed that the only way to wear my hair for that ten years was straight?

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Nettie 22 July 2010 at 4:21 pm Permalink

As a mom of two girls (and two boys who I want to choose partners based on something better) this makes me crazy!! My oldest is 9 and she is already exhibiting feelings of wanting to be like her straight haired friends. Some of these girls have moms who take care of their relaxed hair well, but some have hair that is tragically broken like the little girl above. The worst is when they slap heavy extensions in to “save” it.
This was the main reason I was glad I was natural when she was a baby. But I didn’t have blogs, vlogs and youtube to encourage me to stay that way. After years of perming the break, cut and regrow cycle is becoming more frequent. Turning 30 seems to have changed my hair completely. So, I have decided to transition again, partly to show my girls (and boys) that my “real” hair looks just like theirs and partly because my hair is just a mess with this perm now.

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Joy 26 July 2010 at 1:55 pm Permalink

She is SUCH a cuteeee! I’m glad she handled her BC like a big girl, and I hope she rides this wave of naturalista beauty, confidence, and strength like the Black princess she is! From all the other concerned aunties out there, thanks for stepping in there when you did!

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EbonyLolita 29 September 2010 at 10:09 pm Permalink

Your niece is gorgeous. Thank God for auntie!!! By your hands her hair will grow healthy which makes it “Good”

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dora97129 9 October 2010 at 1:47 pm Permalink

bonjour,je la maman d’une petite filles de 8ans,ces cheveux sont naturel j’ai demander conseil a un magasin qui revendait les produit just for me!,j’ai demander a la vendeuse un lait coiffant elle ma proposer cette marque la mais j’ai utiliser le produit y a 2 jrs et j’ai coiffer ma fille pour l’école et se matin je la décoiffe ses cheveux fument je ne conprend pas pourquoi ,pouvez vous m’aider s’il vous plait a trouver une solution .je vous remercie

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Andrea 29 October 2010 at 8:44 am Permalink

@dora97129, A quelle produit just for me avez-vous utilise? Aussi, je pense qu’il n’est pas beaucoup de gens ici qui parlent francais, donc ca sera difficile a obtenir une reponse. pourtant, j’espere que je puisse trouver une response pour vous.

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Jaz 15 November 2010 at 12:17 am Permalink

she is SO lucky to have an aunty like you! It only takes 1 person in a child’s life to make them feel special, to teach them that they are naturally beautiful. she is beautiful

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The Beautiful One 19 November 2010 at 5:53 pm Permalink

Awww, what a beautiful little person, so cute. :)

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Le Le 6 October 2011 at 1:53 pm Permalink

I wish she’d do an update post on how the little girl’s hair has grown, how she feels about her hair, and how the mom feels about her daughter’s hair, too, with pictures.

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Jarquisha 6 October 2011 at 3:45 pm Permalink

I will very soon!

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Byoteenapp 20 November 2011 at 7:41 pm Permalink

Unfortunately I have a best friend who put a perm in her god-daughters hair before the child was 1 year old. I couldnt believe it! I kept asking her if she was for real,…until I saw the little thing at church one Sunday. I was so upset! The sad thing is her mother is a beautician who doesn’t believe in natural hair or it’s upkeep. I gave her a jar of Kimmaytubes leave in conditioner that I’d bastardized, but she threw it away. The girl just turned two and she now has less hair than she began with! I won’t judge the mother but she is definitely passing on her distorted view of beauty. As for my BFF,…she can never touch the hair of any girl-child I may have!

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Charmaine 23 November 2011 at 12:28 am Permalink

It hurts my heart to see very young girls with relaxers. When I was pregnant with my daughter I vowed to never put chemicals in her hair regardless of what her texture may be. Unfortunately, when I was deployed and she was with her god mother she put a texturizer in her hair, which she didn’t even need, and her hair was terribly damaged. Thankfully I was able to not have to cut so much and just nuture her hair better myself. My daughter is the reason I’m natural because I want to set that example. I can’t teach her to love her beautiful brown skin and her thick curly hair, if I’m not showing her by example.

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