No Whining, No Moaning! Taking Responsibility for 4C Natural Hair

Share Button

By Abii A. of www.bidsingraceland.com

I’ve been natural now for nearly 16 months — I big chopped in January 2010. This is my second and final time going natural. My hair is of 4b/c texture and I love it, absolutely love it! I didn’t always, but the further I get into my journey, the love just grows daily. When I style my hair, people ask me “How did you get your hair like that?” and “I didn’t know you would be able to do that with your type of hair”. Sometimes it hurts when people close to me make offensive remarks about my hair but I have to remember that in a way, in my own little social circle, I’m a bit of a revolutionary. No one, and I mean no one, wears their hair natural! And if you do, it’s because you’re mixed race and even then, a weave or a relaxer is preferable. I am just talking about my own little petite social circle, not the world so hold off on any snarky comments ;p

The point of my message is that people need to start taking responsibility for their hair. I’ve realised that a lot of black women just don’t know how to do their own hair, relaxed, natural, texturized whatever, no-one knows. Aside from the people who say they would go natural but for the “bad or “difficult” texture they would have, you also have those who say that they would go natural but they don’t know a stylist that can do their hair. Or worse, people who have gone back to relaxers because either salon maintenance got too expensive (natural tax and all) or they were convinced by the hairdresser to get a relaxer or texturizer or something.

How hard is it to do your own hair? I’ve even seen posts on this site where people have written to say that 4c texture is the most difficult. I’m not going to lie and say when I first went natural, it was a walk in the park, because it wasn’t. The first time I went natural, I wanted my hair to look like Kelis’ and when it didn’t, I succumbed the relaxer a year later in defeat. But I had false expectations of my hair. Now I’m loving the journey of learning new things about my hair. I have realized that my hair is never going to look like Kelis’ without some form of roller or twists or (God forbid!) a curly perm! lol But I’m learning what it can do naturally and with a bit of manipulation. I have to put in the time to learn my hair and time is something that is quite precious to me as I work very long hours at my job. However, I put in the time anyway.

I wish people would stop moaning about their textures or the lack of stylists or whatever and just take the time to learn their hair and take responsibility for their own hair. Once we start doing that, the love will begin to develop and I honestly think we will be happier people. God didn’t make a mistake when he made me with my hair texture. That’s not to say that people who have relaxers or texturizers are rejecting God – no way! I’m just saying that I’ve wanted to be natural for a very long time and I’m not going to let society’s or my own ignorance in respect of my hair texture stop me from achieving my natural goal. I’ve had long healthy relaxed hair and I loved it. Now I’m looking forward to living the rest of my life with long healthy natural hair. (I like long hair, sue me! haha!)

This is something that has been on my mind for a very long time and I just wanted to share it.

Thanks for the honesty, Abii! What are your thoughts ladies? If you have 4c hair, are you guilty of complaining at length (virtually or otherwise) about how difficult it is to manage? And do you think the online natural hair community encourages “kinky hair complainin’ “? (yeh, I just made that up…)

Abii is the author of Bids in Graceland

Share Button
Black Girl With Long Hair

Black Girl With Long Hair

Leila, founding editor of Black Girl with Long Hair (April 2008), social media and black beauty enthusiast. When I'm not here, I'm blogging at my new mommy site, babyandblog.com

 

154 thoughts on “No Whining, No Moaning! Taking Responsibility for 4C Natural Hair

  1. I love my hair… I’m 4b/4c over most of my head (I do believe… I’m still in my first leg of being natural. I’m about 7 months along now) and LOVE my hair. I only wish it was longer so I can do more. But I find that in my opinion, my hair isn’t that hard to manage. Maybe it’s because I know that if I slick it up with a cheapo condish and don’t try to be in denial and face it otherwise, the comb will go through like butter. I’ve found ways to deal with my hair… Sometimes I am guilty of wanting 4A. But I also find myself loving my hair as is, and natural hair in general. I can’t wait to get to know it better. I think that our society does justify hate of 4C hair, but I also think that people with 4C hair could deal with it and love it if they just knew the ways to do it.
    [


    Thumb up Thumb down +5

  2. Great article. I have been “natural” mostly all my life always loved my 4 hair. I never realised was such a big deal what texture we have until this huge wave of “naturals”. I think all curly tops ;) are beautiful. It is all about loving ones self and being happy. I wish every person meeting their hair for the first, second, or third time the best of luck. Thank you all for sharing.

    Thumb up Thumb down +6

  3. I have 4c hair. I’m almost fully natural and trim the rough ends myself. My hair doesnt feel half as coarse as it used to be when i was smaller. My mother and hairdressers just did not know how to take care of my type of hair. These last few months i have found it really isnt that bad. But patience is key or i’ll rip my hair out. I

    Wen i wash myhair i oil it while wet and then patiently detangle with a wide tooth comb. It works wonders as my hair absorbs the water and oils. I was surprised wen i could put the top of my hair in one.

    Thumb up Thumb down +15

  4. I have 4c hair all around (maybe a lil 4b in the back)and Im in love with my hair. Just the other day I was with my aunt who finally showed off her new wig she ordered, which just happened to be a afro (the very length and hair type of my hair)! Seeing that made me love my hair even more than I already do!People are actually paying for hair that God blessed me with??lol!! Despite my days where me and my hair go to battle I love it! I constantly have ppl come up and ask me about my hair products or my hair journey.Sometimes it gets aggravating seeing my sister with 4a hair try products that have failed for me work for her, but I try to stay encouraged by looking at other women on youtube with my type. 1.5years since my 2nd chop and seeing my hair healthy, growing and natural… lets just say I dont have much to complain about.

    Thumb up Thumb down +10

  5. This article was everything I have felt and wanted to say. I did a Brittney Spears melt down shave and cried. My friend kept telling me to own it. After a month I decided to do some research and watch some videos to learn what the hell to do. In my Jamaican culture my hair isn’t considered “good hair”. My mother n I always end up in arguments about this phrase. It’s hard trying to own it when you hear a lot of negative comments. What is making my year and a half journey possible is my boyfriend. He loves it which made me start to look at my hair and say, not bad. I’m now falling in love with my hair. N I’m looking forward to when it grows longer but I’ve learned to not stress that either. If it grows it grows

    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  6. Hi everyone.. I have been natural for about 5 months now. When I first began, I was so discouraged…because of the texture of my hair. My entire adult life, I have been an eat, sleep, everything weave type of girl. However, with everyday that passed, I began to love my hair. My hair is super thick and growing up, my hair was always referred to as “nappy” or hard to manage. During my second month in my natural state, I did a Google search on “how to manage 4c natural hair.” This is the forum that I found the most helpful. There is so much helpful and encouraging information on this site! I can honestly say that once I started caring and “being responisble” for my thick, and beautiful hair… then was when I understood the term of “natural beauty”.

    Thumb up Thumb down +4

  7. I know exactly what you mean. I constantly have a love hate relationship with my natural 4c hair. I’ve been natural for over two and a half years and involuntarily been big chopped twice. Both time was due to a barber cutting my hair instead of trimming the 1/4 to 1/2 inch spilt ends. I haven’t been too a barber since the last incident back in February of 2012 during Black History month no less how ironic! As my hair grows it tends to change it preference of products. What use to work on my shorter hair don’t work on my longer hair any more such as the Taliah Wajidd th Great Detangler. Being a guy I always get a few negative comments that I need a haircut, seems like there is a false representation that a guy cannot have long natural hair without being deem unkept. Than it also doesn’t help that I come from a family who hair is either perm or straight. Either my black family members with relaxers or my native American family members. If that wasn’t bad enough I have moderately to severe chron’s disease and some of my medication has broke my hair. If I knew half of what I know now about natural hair products my shoulder length hair probably be mid back length but for now I’m just glad my hair is still overall healthy and I don’t let anybody’s negative insults phase me. Attach are pictures of my 4c hair including one with my hair recently flat iron two months ago.



    Thumb up Thumb down +16

  8. I know this might sound bad but I honestly HATE my 4c hair. I’ve always like long curly hair but my hair is rough and it grows out and not down and that’s the part I hate!!! I would love my hair if it would hang and not grow out!

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • @Moeshawn, I recommend reading/watching about other people with 4c hair as they can be a great sense of inspiration, motivation and help you realise that your hair is as beautiful as any other type hair. I always Liked my natural 4c hair after the big chop. But I did not Love my natural hair UNTIL after three years being natural.

      Thumb up Thumb down +5

    • I know I’m late but moeshawn, all our hair grows up and out.That’s how it is.When Afro curled hair reaches a certain length, it’s not able to stand up anymore unless you use hair spray to make it stand up.

      Thumb up Thumb down +6

    • oh, uhm, actually, dont worry about the hair standing up, as time goes by and given youre taking care and treating your hair well, it will grow. as it grows, gravity will have it’s way and your hair will start to hang. but it wont happen over night. patience is always necessary :) but dont worry, just love your hair and it will love you back. trust me

      Thumb up Thumb down +1

  9. Pingback: Taking responsibility for our hair | Bids in Graceland

  10. I have 4C hair and I go through mix emotions. I have been natural since 2011. There are days I hate my hair because it is so tight and coil and feel that God has punished me some how. I keep it moisturized but as you stated in the article I take responsibility for my hair and learn about my hair.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  11. I am on the same exact journey and probably about a year behind you Abi! But I love it more and more each day. Keep at it and will be right here supporting you journey! Share you blog please. :)

    Thumb up Thumb down 0

  12. Love the article. I have 4c hair and yes I find it unmanageable sometimes especially as it’s still pretty short. I’ve however FINALLY learned how to do flat twists (yay me! lol) and I find that this is a much healthier way to keep my hair stretched and therefore easier to handle. My hair DETESTS heat, no blow-drying/ flat-ironing for me.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  13. The article entitled No Whining, No Moaning! Taking Responsibility for 4C Natural Hair was a gut wrenching title for me to read because I have the dreaded 4C hair. My hair grows out instead of downwards. Parts of me would have preferred that I was blessed with anything under 4C because 4C breaks easily and tends to be more coily. I have been natural since possibly 2011 and it’s been an okay journey. I had a relaxer when I was a pre teen so I guess this is still a coming of age for me when it comes to my natural hair. I make sure to keep it moisturized but at the end of the day I do hope that the curls would loosen somehow over time.

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

  14. I think no matter what hair type you have you will always run into a bad hair day lol but that’s not a reason to hate your hair. I know from experience 4c hair can be a struggle but once you get the hang of how you are supposed to treat it it will eventually grow and retain moisture! Lol it is a wonderful feeling

    Thumb up Thumb down +2

    • @Tammy thank you for the encouragement. I hope to be well experienced with my hair by the five year mark and I hope that by then my opinion of my hair and its tight coil texture will be of a more positive one.

      Thumb up Thumb down 0

  15. Pingback: Taking responsibility for our hair | Bids in Graceland

  16. I feel all of your pain! But it’s worth the struggle to come to a place of self acceptance. It’s only then can you truly be at peace with yourself. I have thick, strong 4B/C hair with literally 3 coils of 4A in the centre of my head. I used to ping these tiny springs back and forth and wish and wish my whole head was like that. But it’s not. And that’s ok. When I first big chopped I used to pray my hair grew out thick so I could have a big Afro. Now it’s so thick but with 75% shrinkage which means that even though it’s collarbone length blown out, in its natural shrunken state I can’t even put it into a high puff! FRUSTRATING! Especially when you see other chick all like “yeah, I just washed my hair and threw it into a pineapple!” I WISH!! But…it’s ok. It’s a gradual process and I really do love my hair, you just have to keep on owning it and taking responsibility for it.




    Thumb up Thumb down +1

  17. My oldest daughter has what seems to be 4a/b & c hair, and we have had some battle royal-es during her 10 years. I have 3b/c hair and so do my two other daughters, so wrangling my eldest’s SUPER THICK armpit length hair has been quite a learning experience. But I’m so glad I never gave in an relaxed her hair like so many moms have. I am confident that she loves the texture of her hair and frequently asked to wear it stretched and loose.

    Thumb up Thumb down +1

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Image Upload

You can add images to your comments by selecting them below.