This arti­cle is re-post­ed from ChocolateHairVanillaCare.com. We’ve dis­cussed the issue of “hair touch­ing” before, but it’s great to hear a unique point of view. 

Dear Peo­ple Who Have, or May, Come Into Con­tact with My Daugh­ter,

Thank you so much for your inter­est in my daughter’s hair. Yes, it is beau­ti­ful, we both appre­ci­ate your com­pli­ments. Yes, she’s very patient and has no prob­lem sit­ting to have her hair done. She’s been get­ting her hair done since she was very small and knows of noth­ing else; her hair regime is a fact of life and she doesn’t see it as the bur­den that you do. Nor do I.

While ask­ing me about my daughter’s hair, please do not start touch­ing it. Just because I am a vanil­la par­ent this does not mean that you have an “in” to touch choco­late hair for the first time. I have had too many peo­ple tell me, “Oooh, I’ve always won­dered what their hair felt like,” while paw­ing my daugh­ter. She’s not an ani­mal, she’s a human being.

We teach our chil­dren that strangers touch­ing them in inap­pro­pri­ate ways is wrong and that they should tell an adult imme­di­ate­ly. In our opin­ion, any­time a child is touched by any­one who feels that they have a right to do so, against the child’s wish­es and with­out the child’s per­mis­sion, is inap­pro­pri­ate.

You see, every chocolate/jam/cheetos hand­print on her hair from oth­er chil­dren and/or adults is a mark on her dig­ni­ty. She is small, but she does have per­son­al space and a sense of self-worth. When you invade that space with­out her per­mis­sion you are telling her that she has no rights to her body; that her desire to be left untouched is not as impor­tant as your curios­i­ty.

Even if your hands are clean, they still leave a an invis­i­ble mark.

If you are sweet and kind enough to ask my daugh­ter ahead of time if you can touch her hair, please do not be offend­ed if she says, “No.” She is not being rude. She has no oblig­a­tion to give the answer that you want. Her body is her own and if she does not want to share it with you at that moment, then please respect her rights. Don’t tell me that she’s being “dis­obe­di­ent” or “rude” or huff and walk away. In doing so, you are indi­rect­ly com­mu­ni­cat­ing that she owes you a piece of her­self for no oth­er rea­son than because you asked. She does not.

No, I do not do unique hair­styles for my daugh­ter to attract your atten­tion. I do them for her, to help fos­ter a lov­ing rela­tion­ship with her nat­ur­al hair so that she will grow up lov­ing how God made her, hope­ful­ly min­i­miz­ing any desire to alter her­self to match some­one else’s stan­dard of beau­ty. Do not tell me that if I didn’t want her touched that I shouldn’t be doing all these hair­styles that say “look at me, touch me.” Do not blame the vic­tim for your indis­cre­tion or lack of self con­trol.

If you are a teacher, please note that the first day of school is often very intim­i­dat­ing and mak­ing a real­ly big deal about hair – on that day, or any day – while invit­ing oth­er teach­ers and/or par­ents to come over to touch and fin­ger-through a child’s head of hair, can be extreme­ly over­whelm­ing. Yes, she may be one of the few choco­late chil­dren at your school, but draw­ing so much atten­tion to her will only high­light how dif­fer­ent she is. Although I can address the issue with you while I’m present, I put my trust in you that you will pro­tect my daugh­ter through­out the day. Allow­ing class­mates to put their hands in her hair or play with her beads is not only dis­tract­ing to the class, it is also akin to hit­ting; it is a vio­la­tion of my daughter’s per­son and I have to believe that you will do your best to keep this from hap­pen­ing. Just because it might not phys­i­cal­ly hurt her, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt her char­ac­ter.

I remem­ber back in the days of being preg­nant and how it used to both­er me when strangers would come and touch my bel­ly with­out my per­mis­sion. I know that peo­ple strug­gle with hold­ing back when their curios­i­ty gets the best of them, but nev­er­the­less it seemed only right to me that some­one should ask before plac­ing their hand(s) on my stom­ach.

But I am an adult. I have already formed my iden­ti­ty and self-worth and can hope­ful­ly express my dis­con­tent in con­struc­tive ways. Chil­dren are still learn­ing about them­selves in the world. They are not as cer­tain of them­selves, and if you cross a line they will often ques­tion the line, not you.

In con­clu­sion, I pray that this let­ter is well-received, that those who may have done this in the past feel con­vict­ed and think twice before doing it again. For those who have nev­er expe­ri­enced choco­late hair, may it be a help­ful insight into our beau­ti­ful world. For peo­ple who have recent­ly wel­comed a child with choco­late hair for the first time into your extend­ed fam­i­ly, may you respect the child’s per­son­al space and be kind and gen­tle with your ques­tions and curiosi­ties. For all, please remem­ber that you are help­ing to shape the char­ac­ter of the adults of tomor­row; if we can­not respect the bod­ies of our chil­dren today, how can we expect them to respect them­selves in the future?

Bless­ings,

Rory, Boo’s Mama

For more of Rory’s writ­ings check out ChocolateHairVanillaCare.com. Ladies, what are your thoughts?

Black Girl With Long Hair

Leila Noel­liste, founder of Black Girl with Long Hair (April 2008). Social media, pop cul­ture and black beau­ty enthu­si­ast. bell hooks’ hair twin…

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650 Comments on "White Mother’s Opinion on Touching Daughter’s Natural Hair"

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Bridge

WOW!!! One of only a gag­illion white folks that get it. She is a rare breed, don’t get it twist­ed, one of only a gag­illion!

Bridge

NO!!!!!!!! Ladies stop it!!!!!!! “There is no one is bet­ter than zero.” Our col­lec­tive his­to­ry here, gives us the right to deter­mine our own thoughts about our hair, skin and bod­ies! Just because one white woman appears to under­stand does not mean we applaud her! “Even if that were true”, you are g*damn right its true. I always have enough ener­gy to call white folks on their shit, they are trans­par­ent and I see right through them!

anastasia

Please con­tin­ue to call any­one out who needs schoolin’, regard­less of race:) And please remem­ber, to abstain from imbu­ing a group with so much pow­er that ulti­mate­ly ends in the out-group mem­ber con­sis­tant­ly being on the defen­sive and pow­er­less. Peace and Bless­ings y’all :)

cypress

Even if that were true one is bet­ter than zero. And for your infor­ma­tion, I know MANY White peo­ple who “get it”. We don’t like them gen­er­al­iz­ing us so let’s not do it to them okay? Peace.

anastasia
+ 1,000,000 This is not to under­state the prob­lem, b/c we all know that there is, yet, my hus­band of ten years “Gets it”. He has sur­vived a lot of dif­fi­cult lessons over the years to arrive at his cur­rent lev­el of under­stand­ing, but he most cer­tain­ly and hon­est­ly gets it. Let’s not for­get that there have been many oth­ers through­out his­to­ry who have got­ten it-reach one, teach one as the say­ing goes.….. And fact, an excel­lent exam­ple of one who get’s it is the author Tim Wise who penned “White Like Me” and many oth­er notable books on the top­ic… Read more »
Emme

While I like Tim Wise, he is a per­fect exam­ple of white val­i­da­tion that was dis­cussed above.

anastasia
@ Emme: I respect­ful­ly do not agree with you. The author was used as an exam­ple of Whites who do get it-noth­ing more and noth­ing less. Maybe you read his works and feel val­i­dat­ed, but I read his works and say ‘excel­lent research with though­ful crit­i­cal analy­sis, but here is where I may or may not dis­agree with said analysis’-yup, it’s that sim­ple. I respect Mr. Wise for his schol­ar­ship, just as I respect the schol­ar­ship of many deceased and liv­ing Black and non-black writ­ers in the study of social sys­tems. I real­ly do believe that some peo­ple just have… Read more »
Emme

Ermm.

I was not specif­i­cal­ly refer­ring to you, but it has been not­ed by a lot of peo­ple, even Tim Wise him­self, that a lot of his suc­cess is because peo­ple pre­fer to hear these things from him- a white male. He has built a career on dis­cussing racism in Amer­i­ca, some­thing is not per­son­al­ly affect­ed by.

Your last para­graph is sort of ridicu­lous. Whites DO have more pow­er so it is not a mat­ter of per­cep­tion. They are NOT supe­ri­or, but, col­lec­tive­ly, they are more pow­er­ful.

Cat

+1

Annie L.

2nd!

kisha

I am hap­py this lit­tle girl can call this woman Mama!!

Soundslikeramona

Great arti­cle! I loved it!

Rebeccah El

I thought this was a very hon­est post. I believe it even tran­scends race, there are many times we see things that we like n feel the need to touch it (them). How many times do we feel dis­re­spect­ed when we are touched with­out per­mis­sion? I think it is good prac­tice even for chil­dren we know to ask there per­mis­sion to see or touch any­thing to help them learn accept­able inter­ac­tions between them and oth­er adults or chil­dren. I thank you for help­ing me see things in anoth­er light!

CBoyce

I agree with this moth­er! She went straight to the point, and I just love it, that she is stand­ing up for her daughter’s hair!

Ladybug

Great arti­cle!

Jasmine

Oh, and I’m wait­ing for a white per­son to write into BGLH about how it’s not okay to use an afro wig as a sil­ly cos­tume, so that Jas­mine (the oth­er Jas­mine) can be jus­ti­fied. Because appar­ent­ly, when these con­cerns come out of the mouth of black and bi-racial women, they have no cred­i­bil­i­ty.

See here: http://bglhonline.com/2011/09/why-are-afros-considered-a-costume/

Kate

Geeze, what does that have to do with the price of tea in Chi­na? Stick to the sub­ject at hand.

Jasmine
First off, I can com­ment as I please. Peo­ple go off top­ic in the com­ment box all the time. It’s not unusu­al. Sec­ond­ly, my con­cern has EVERYTHING to do with the sub­ject at hand. How is it that, when white peo­ple make obser­va­tions, they shoot to the top of the cred­i­bil­i­ty list. But when black peo­ple say they same thing, they are auto­mat­i­cal­ly labeled as bit­ter, mil­i­tant or mis­guid­ed. I will say it (or type it) again: Black women lack self esteem, on many MANY lev­el. And tak­ing a relax­er out of one’s head is no indi­ca­tion that she has… Read more »
anastasia
Jas­mine you do have a valid point and I think many of us who par­tic­i­pate in this blog, whether we post or not, may agree.  I think what you speak of is whose ‘voice’ is heard the loud­est and giv­en the most cred­i­bil­i­ty. We see this often-for exam­ple- in the way “known” his­to­ry has been rewrit­ten and retract­ed to the ben­e­fit of oth­ers. But, the assump­tion that the major­i­ty of the pos­i­tive com­ments are due to lack of self-esteem and feindish love of white val­i­da­tion seems a lit­tle over-reach­ing to me to the point of stereo­typ­ing. Yes, we know there are… Read more »
Annie L.

Dit­to! I’m exhaust­ed read­ing all of this thread derail­ing.

Jasmine
I know I’m devel­op­ing a check­ered rep­u­ta­tion for being a gut check­er in the BGLH com­ment box. But I don’t care. I SIDE EYE all the peo­ple who yelled racism and suc­cubus when Liz — A BI-RACIAL WOMAN — said EXACTLY the same thing as this moth­er is say­ing!!! For evi­dence look through the com­ments here: http://bglhonline.com/2011/07/hi-im-liz-no-you-still-cant-touch-my-hair/ It is sad because I believe that black women’s self esteem is SO LOW that they can only believe/accept some­thing if a WHITE PERSON says it. This amaz­ing moth­er is say­ing what many nat­u­rals have been say­ing all along — that they DON’T like to… Read more »
June

I agree with you. I see this apol­o­gist atti­tude more in the nat­ur­al hair com­mu­ni­ty, which is more sur­pris­ing to me.

mek

Before I even read this arti­cle, Jas­mine, I recalled the one you are talk­ing about and the com­ments and thought to myself, “I bet every­one is going to love what this [white] woman has to say.” smh.

sarah
you know Jas­mine, before you make sweep­ing judg­ments of a seri­ous man­ner, i would sug­gest that you take into account just how large the read­er­ship of BGLH is and the fact that peo­ple make com­ments on cer­tain top­ics because they want to. so, the same peo­ple who made the com­ments on this post may not be the same com­men­tors of the oth­er post. per­son­al­ly, i only make com­ments if i can relate. i made no com­ment on this post ini­tial­ly because i don’t have a child and can­not relate. but, per­son­al­ly, i take no issue with peo­ple, of any race, want­i­ng… Read more »
MommieDearest

OMG, Jasm­nine I am SO in agree­ment with you on the “white val­i­da­tion” thing! Why does it take a white per­son to cosign on some­thing before folks “get it”? And it real­ly irks me that so many black peo­ple are guilty of this men­tal­i­ty.

I won­der if this let­ter would be as well-received and “fawned over” of the moth­er who wrote it was black. 

BTW the “choco­late” and “vanil­la” thing weird­ed me out too.

Jasmine

Ladies, excuse me. I linked to the incor­rect arti­cle. I should have linked to this arti­cle: http://bglhonline.com/2011/07/touching-natural-hair-without-permission-is-it-a-race-thing/

Auset
I liked the arti­cle, but I can see what Jas­mine is say­ing. White val­i­da­tion is real. It may not have been on BGLH, but I have read of black women not lik­ing their nat­ur­al hair touched, and peo­ple being like “Light­en Up! It’s just curi­ousi­ty. I take it as a com­pli­ment when some­one wants to touch my hair. Blah, blah, blah.” When I read this arti­cle, I thought, “Great points. But I hope that peo­ple don’t lis­ten to her only because she is a white woman.” And this is from oth­er Black women or Peo­ple of Col­or. And it’s not… Read more »
binks

Agreed! no offense but this lady isn’t stat­ing any­thing oth­er moth­ers or women in gen­er­al haven’t stat­ed time in and out before so to me it isn’t any­thing new under the sun writ­ten here. I appre­ci­ate her effect non­the­less

Jasmine
Thank you Auset. This is exact­ly what I’m talk­ing about. We need to pay more atten­tion to the pow­er dynam­ics of our racial/gender inter­ac­tions. Black peo­ple tend to view oth­er black peo­ple (and, sad­ly, some­times them­selves) as lower/subservient in the pow­er dynam­ic. It’s sad. And I see it alot on this site. A few years back, Leila post­ed an arti­cle about a black dad who was in charge of comb­ing his daughter’s hair. The response was pos­i­tive, but a bit tepid.  It was noth­ing com­pared to the post about Clifton Greene (I believe his name is) a white man who was in… Read more »
Oyan

100,000,0000,000+!!

Elle
@Jasmine this is a very inter­est­ing POV but I’m not sure I agree. I think a large part of it is that we think that oth­er black peo­ple *should* know how to care for their children’s hair and *should* under­stand our tri­als and tribu­la­tions, but on the oth­er hand, we are so used to white peo­ple not “get­ting it” that when one does, we auto­mat­i­cal­ly breathe a sigh of relief and yell, “THANK YOU!” because it lets us know that not all white peo­ple live in their bub­ble of supe­ri­or­i­ty and live life igno­rant­ly because they can. The same can… Read more »
anastasia
@ Jas­mine- yes, excel­lent point- mem­bers of a maligned group often eeri­ly rel­ish the val­i­da­tion of the majority/dominant group- but:  Elle is right on point, imo, with her analy­sis: peo­ple expect in-group mem­bers to know [the tyran­ny of the “shoulds”]and out-group mem­bers to be unaware or com­plete­ly unin­ter­est­ed about a set of knowl­edge, belief, atti­tudes, val­ues etc…but as Elle put so won­der­ful­ly: “we are so used to white peo­ple not “get­ting it” that when one does, we auto­mat­i­cal­ly breathe a sigh of relief and yell, “THANK YOU!” because it lets us know that not all white peo­ple live in their… Read more »
Dolores

I real­ly don’t think this woman, or any of us who have com­ment­ed on this arti­cle, are say­ing that what has hap­pened to the child is racist. I think the gen­er­al con­sen­sus is that the child’s per­son­al space has been invad­ed. In that regard, I think you’ve drawn a com­par­i­son with the pri­or arti­cle by tak­ing it out of con­text.

naddie

I for one have nev­er thought it was okay. Being the per­son who has white co-work­ers who feel the need to try and make my hair poofi­er because it is too “straight” for them. I shouldn’t have to teach oth­ers to be respect­ful, I have my own child to teach! I don’t go around touch­ing ANYone’s hair; cau­ca­soid, negroid, mon­goloid or any oth­ers. I don’t want to touch my daughter’s hair, LOL …

Cat
The arti­cle you post­ed is not in the same con­text as this one. The moth­er in this let­ter is defend­ing her daugh­ter, a child. Liz in the oth­er arti­cle is a grown woman fac­ing anoth­er grown woman.  In arti­cle, “Hi, I’m Liz. No, You Still Can’t Touch My Hair” I do not see where any­one in the *com­ments* said, “Oh, they’re just curi­ous.” “Oh, they’ve nev­er seen it before and we have to teach them.” “Oh, just give them a break, you’re being too scary and mil­i­tant.” — they all defend­ed Liz. I think you’re on the tak­ing things out of con­text… Read more »
Jasmine

I’m sor­ry. I linked to the incor­rect arti­cle. It should have been this one: http://bglhonline.com/2011/07/touching-natural-hair-without-permission-is-it-a-race-thing/

Oyan

I agree with you Jas­mine. I’ve seen sim­i­lar respons­es and cringed.

Warren Parker

“You see, every chocolate/jam/cheetos hand­print on her hair from oth­er chil­dren and/or adults is a mark on her dig­ni­ty. She is small, but she does have per­son­al space and a sense of self-worth.”

Stat­ed like a pro; I’d like to tell you, Rory, that this wis­dom should be uni­ver­sal. She’s a per­son, not a dol­ly!

df

won­der­ful mother…she knows she can’t empathize with her daugh­ter but the love for that child has opened her eyes to some­thing like this…one of the most invalu­able things in this world is the pure love of a moth­er :)

Dolores
Anoth­er thing is that I whole­heart­ed­ly agree with her about respect­ing a child’s per­son­al space (in gen­er­al and not just in regards to hair). In my par­ents’ cul­ture, it is respect­ful to embrace adults with a kiss on the cheek. I was a shy child; I didn’t like strangers, and I always hat­ed greet­ing adults with a hug or a kiss. I real­ly don’t think chil­dren should be direct­ed to hug or embrace adults unless they want to. It’s the same for babies. At times, they don’t want to be held by any­one oth­er than their par­ents. That’s why I… Read more »
Giulia

I clicked on the site link and the first ad I saw on the blog was…

“Get per­ma­nent skin whiten­ing”??

Talk about irony. *rolls eyes*

Yuupp
Ummm.… Are you sure you read that? She does have ads that are for for TEETH Whiten­ing. Also depend­ing on what ad sys­tems they use, some blog­gers do not have absolute con­trol over what ads are fea­tured because it’s like a ran­dom pick depend­ing on the larg­er ad sys­tem— some­thing like Google AdSense. I see many nat­ur­al web­sites still adver­tis­ing perms and oth­er hair straight­en­ers because of this. So see­ing that she has a black child and has a blog that encour­ages her self esteem I high­ly doubt she believes in skin whiten­ing or would accept the mon­ey. When she… Read more »
Giulia

Oh, I didn’t say it was the blogger’s fault! I know very well blog­gers don’t have much con­trol over what gets pub­li­cized on their blog.
And it was def­i­nite­ly a SKIN whiten­ing ad.

That said, the blog looks great. :) (Just the ad made me cringe for a moment).

Carla

I was just about to say that. When I ran a blog, it was a los­ing game chas­ing after cer­tain inap­pro­pri­ate ads and man­u­al­ly block­ing them in AdSense/AdWords.

Dolores

Her web­site real­ly has a WEALTH of infor­ma­tion about good hair care prac­tices. I do my own hair, but I don’t have chil­dren, but if I did, I think I would have to make some adjust­ments for my child’s hair rou­tine. I appre­ci­ate her let­ter, web­site etc., but the chocolate/vanilla ref­er­ences are a lit­tle weird and it kin­da makes me cringe. I’m not say­ing they are racist, just weird…

BlaqueInfinite

awww this was so lov­ing!

LOCALCELEB

My par­ents could have used some tips, as I was the “only” African Amer­i­can child in the city up through grad­u­a­tion. My moth­er tried, and had a few hits/misses as I would nor­mal­ly end up los­ing hair, after some­one would con­vince her that I need­ed a straight­en­ing comb or perm.. My hair was touched prob­a­bly every day I attend­ed school, includ­ing high school, it was like this crazy fascination..they would nev­er ask, they would just touch.. dur­ing class, track practice..whenever.. I wish I could have post­ed this let­ter in our school newslet­ter!

Susan

The “choco­late hair” phrase is extreme­ly annoy­ing. How­ev­er, I do agree with the over­all con­text of the let­ter.

Annie L.

Stand­ing ‘eff­ing’ ova­tion! Just an amaz­ing advo­ca­cy state­ment from a moth­er for her child, for all chil­dren that also applies to many adults, espe­cial­ly women. Beau­ti­ful girl and hair­styles on the site. This should be print­ed and mem­o­rized by oth­er chil­dren and adults the world over. Just bra­va again!

Rose Alexis
How lucky is this lit­tle black girl whose mum called her Boo! I punched a girl for cal­lig me a boo and oth­er racist names at pri­ma­ry school, lets hope she has bet­ter luck. And what’s all this about choco­late and vanil­la, it might sound sweet to some peo­ple but to me these are racist terms. I’m no choco­late hair or any­thing else. I’m not sure this kid is being taught any­thing use­ful about her­self or her black her­itage. And when the hell did it become polit­i­cal­ly cor­rect to use the term ‘nap­py hair’ nev­er mind print­ing it in big… Read more »
Jen

My daugh­ter refers to me as “choco­late” at to her­self as “caramel.” She refers to oth­er friends and fam­i­ly using sim­i­lar descrip­tors, includ­ing “vanil­la” and “dark choco­late.” I refer to peo­ple to her using the same descrip­tors. I have no idea why any­body would think they are inap­pro­pri­ate.

Emme

‘I have no idea why any­body would think they are inap­pro­pri­ate.’

Because every­one doesn’t have the same mind?

Audrey

+1

My sons call me dark brown, their dad­dy white and them­selves light brown. They also called me choco­late, and call them­selves “sug­ar” because they think sug­ar is light brown since we don’t use white sug­ar. I don’t have a prob­lem with the lan­guage used at all.

Lin

[imgcomment image[/img]

Man, I seri­ous­ly thought this was going to be a pos­i­tive post, with us all fawn­ing over a moth­er that real­ly “gets it.”
Guess I’m expect­ing too much, huh?

bee
@LIN — I know! I agree with you. Here this lady takes the time to get to know her daughter’s her­itage enough to learn how to do her hair which most non-black par­ents are NOT doing„ hell some black par­ents don’t even know enough about their own her­itage to pass on to a child besides what pop cul­ture throws their way I don’t think and instead of get­ting love she gets crit­i­cisms over sil­ly things like the use of the term choco­late and vanil­la. If she wants to call her kid choco­late and her­self vanil­la whats the big deal? Every­one… Read more »
cygnet
Unless I miss my guess, Rose Alex­is is from the U. K., not from the U. S. A. To her, “choco­late” and “Boo” car­ry the same impact as “nig­ger” and “coon” have to us when they come from the lips of a racial­ly prej­u­diced non-black per­son. And some peo­ple just don’t like the word “nap­py”, for the same rea­son. This par­tic­u­lar post was about an Amer­i­can white woman and her black adop­tive child. That being so, her use of the terms that set Rose Alex­is off is con­sis­tent with how U. S. Amer­i­cans use and under­stand them. She cer­tain­ly didn’t… Read more »
bee
@cygnet — first maybe you should fol­low your own advice and give rose alex­is some cred­it since i’m sure she knows that terms of endear­ment dif­fer across international/national lines and hope­ful­ly did not come to the con­clu­sion that a neg­a­tive term in her com­mu­ni­ty can’t be used quite benign­ly else­where and vice versa(and sec­ond you are assum­ing I am not from UK myself and know what racist terms are there­in used) fur­ther­more she said the term choco­late sounds racist ‘to [her].’ i did not see where she said its a com­mon­ly-accept­ed gen­er­al term used in her com­mu­ni­ty to den­i­grate Blacks… Read more »
cygnet
@bee: I gen­er­al­ly strive for clar­i­ty when­ev­er I com­mu­ni­cate, and espe­cial­ly when I com­mu­ni­cate in a medi­um such as this. Obvi­ous­ly I wasn’t clear enough for you, and I apol­o­gize for caus­ing offense; that was not my inten­tion. You say, “first maybe you should fol­low your own advice and give rose alex­is some cred­it since i’m sure she knows that terms of endear­ment dif­fer across international/national lines and hope­ful­ly did not come to the con­clu­sion that a neg­a­tive term in her com­mu­ni­ty can’t be used quite benign­ly else­where and vice ver­sa .…” First, I did give her cred­it. Go back,… Read more »
LBell
The only thing I kin­da-sor­ta agree with you on is the use of “choco­late” and “vanil­la” when writ­ing text meant for adults. Not sure where you’re from but “boo” has become a com­mon term of endear­ment amongst black Amer­i­cans. Usu­al­ly it’s used for a sig­nif­i­cant oth­er but still… Re the use of the word “nap­py”: I know this is still an issue amongst some but I real­ly don’t have a prob­lem with it so long as it’s not being used in a deroga­to­ry fash­ion. If you’re refer­ring to her prod­uct review of Hap­py Nap­py Styles moisturizer…here’s a pic­ture of the own­ers… Read more »
Nita
My only thought is that you said a brochure should be giv­en to non black par­ents who are adopt­ing black or bira­cial chil­dren but every­one needs help when it comes to doing their chil­drens hair I have met and know may black par­ents who don’t know what or how to do their chil­drens hair and I have met many black par­ents who have a lack of self love and destroy their chil­drens self image and con­fi­dence by adding sinthet­ic hair to their chil­drens or by giv­ing their chil­dren relax­ers to straight­en their hair way too ear­ly. I real­ly didn’t read… Read more »
LBell

When it comes to all par­ents, regard­less of col­or, know­ing how to do black children’s hair, I agree with you.

Most of my com­ment was in response to Rose Alex­is’. The last part was in response to Rory (the moth­er above). I’m not sure exact­ly how much more pos­i­tive you need­ed it to be. Per­haps you need to look up the mean­ing of “kudos”? Here, I’ll help (see def­i­n­i­tion to):

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/kudos

JL

oh dear, glass half emp­ty instead of half full?

bee

from a new mom’s per­spec­tive, espe­cial­ly one rais­ing abira­cial child. i loved this. i also loved her view of what a child is to the world. they are lit­tle peo­ple learn­ing about them­selves and how to oper­ate in the world who deserve their share of dig­ni­ty and respect, too often because they are chil­dren, peo­ple don’t think chil­dren deserve that lev­el of respect as well but a child who is not respect­ed does not learn self-respect when an adult. its great to know I am not alone in my think­ing about chil­dren. and i am in admi­ra­tion., :)

anastasia

Yes!! I agree :)

Audrey

Oh my! I love this!

Shelli

Dit­to to all of the com­ments!! This lit­tle girl is very lucky to have such a sup­port­ive mom and one who seems to have thor­ough­ly trained her­self on how to do her daughter’s hair. As some­one said above, have you seen the styles she has done on Boo?!?! GORGEOUS!!

sugarcoated

this let­ter is so touch­ing. i have nev­er been in sup­port of peo­ple touch­ing oth­er people’s body just because you admire them

sunshyne84

Beau­ti­ful! This goes for any child or adult for that mat­ter. Keep your hands to your­self is the first rule we learn in school any way.

Engee

Okay besides the fact that this let­ter is just plain AWESOME and that the kid is over­ly cute… have any of you checked out the hair­styles the lit­tle girl rocks on the pho­to gallery?? The cutest/hottest/fiercest hair­styles!!

I def­i­nite­ly have stolen some ideas!!!!! just plain awe­some.… Here is the link…

http://gallery.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/

anastasia

+100

Mom is no joke-those styles are just won­der­ful!! And yes, lil Boo is toooooo cute.…awwww.…i’m in love:) 

Big warm shout out to this lov­ing fam­i­ly!!

Carla

Thank you for writ­ing this. Your daugh­ter is so beau­ti­ful and its nice to see the care and atten­tion you put into her. I love her hair and her sweater!

Ashley
I love this. It’s amaz­ing to see that there are white women with black chil­dren that know how to take care of their childs hair AND respect the childs hair so much. Where I live, there are a lot of bira­cial kids (near­ly any­where any­more lol). Usu­al­ly the kid will have a head full of mat­ted hair or clear­ly dam­aged puff­balls. Some­times I want to snatch up the kid and throw some mois­ture in their hair. My broth­er-in-law does not know how to take care of my nephews hair and rejects what we try to do for his hair. If we put… Read more »
Marie

Love it! So well writ­ten & sin­cere. Both you and your daugh­ter are beau­ti­ful! Thank you for shar­ing.

JP23

YES!!!!!! I am so hap­py this lit­tle girl has some­one to advo­cate for her! This woman is just awe­some!

Jas

*picks up jaw* Oh my. I love it. I don’t know any oth­er way to put it. It makes my heart smile.

June

+ 1,000,000,000

naddie

+1

Crystal

Yes!! :) Wow!

babytmarie28

i agree!

Melissa

Cute lit­tle girl!

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