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Pho­to Source: broswithfrosandcurls.tumblr.com

The con­ver­sa­tion about nat­u­ral hair often revolves around wom­en and the strug­gles they face to accept their nat­u­ral tex­ture, but men strug­gle too.

Beau­ty blog­ger Tia Williams recent­ly post­ed a con­ver­sa­tion she had with close friend Kib­we (NOT pic­tured above!) who is grow­ing out his type-4 hair as a sign of accept­ing it for what it was. Here’s a snip­pet of the con­ver­sa­tion:

Kib­we: Lis­ten. As a black man…a black man who’s hair doesn’t wave if I rock a du-rag to bed…your hair is this thing com­ing out of you that you have to hur­ry up and get rid of before every­one sees it. If I have even a mil­lime­ter of new growth, I look like a slave. It’s “peasy,” “beady-beads,” “taco meat.” It com­mu­ni­cates “urban,” there’s no oth­er option.
Me: Fair enough.
Kib­we: I’m sick of the Ceasar. I need to see my hair. I need to learn to react pos­i­tive­ly to it, because the cul­ture is not affirm­ing me. If I keep cut­ting it, no one will adjust their thinking…including me. It’s like when you’re a wom­an who feels gross with­out lip­gloss or some­thing. You should try skip­ping it to learn to love your­self with­out it.
[In my head, I’m like “umm…never, bud­dy.”]
Kib­we: Also, just from a fash­ion point of view…I always want­ed to have the “scruffy” option. White cul­ture has the “scruffy guy you still wan­na f*ck,” like John­ny Depp. Black cul­ture doesn’t. Locks and twists are just start­ing to kin­da become cool, like with 2 Chainz and Wayne and Wale. There’s Lenny, but he’s always been the excep­tion.
Me: Yeah, it’s like the whole dirty chic thing nev­er works on black girls. We can’t wear f*cked-up Uggs, or super-messy pony­tails. We look home­less.
Kib­we: We’re expect­ed to be clean cut, so as not to offend non-minori­ties. There’s no lane for a non-con­ven­tion­al black man (espe­cial­ly not for a gay one). Not if you wan­na keep your job.

Click here for the full arti­cle on ShakeYourBeauty.com.

And please share, ladies, have you wit­nessed men who strug­gle to embrace their nat­u­ral tex­ture?

Black Girl With Long Hair

Leila, founder of Black Girl with Long Hair (April 2008). Social media, pop cul­ture and black beau­ty enthu­si­ast. bell hooks’ hair twin…

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51 Comments on "Do Men Get Insecure About Having Kinky Hair?"

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Sheree
I’ve been think­ing about this sooo much since I start­ed wear­ing my hair out!! I would love to find some back­ground on why it’s so impor­tant for black men to get rid of their hair as soon as it starts grow­ing out. I feel they suf­fer from a lot of sup­pres­sion of what’s nat­u­ral­ly them just like black wom­en do but (at least in Jamaica), it’s large­ly ignored. I had a friend who, close to the end of high school, start­ed grow­ing out his hair into a big afro. There were girls and guys (espe­cial­ly girls) who used to tell him… Read more »
Michelle

Okay… not only in Bar­ba­dos, doesn’t make me feel any bet­ter that black men suf­fer this way out­side my coun­try though :(

Kenneth Wilson

There should be no injus­tice done. If men are afraid of wom­en with long hair it’s only because they have a prob­lem with them­selves. Do not be afraid of your wom­en, praise them. Nat­u­ral hair is what you want. Not the fake. Hang in there, you are loved for you.

eidole

I live in France and I can relate on what you said!
Guys, most­ly africans, relaxed their hair. Westin­di­an guyS dont do that, they love to put corn­rowns, locks or leave their hair in pony­tails.

Natalie
I’m sure that black guys in the UK can be inse­cure about kinky hair and I think it depends on what area you work in on how it is accept­ed. If you work in a bank or busi­ness where you are rep­re­sent­ing your com­pa­ny then you have to have hair that is pre­sentable. How­ev­er my broth­er has locks and he used to work for a high end car firm as a sales­man pro­vid­ing he looked pre­sentable it was OK. On TV you see black guys wear­ing canerows alot and on the street guys will go out with a du-rag or a… Read more »
William Dockery
Good day ladies and gents.Too Answer the above ques­tion about why men don’t let their hair , i will start with this. In,many cul­tures hair rep­re­sents fem­i­nal­i­ty, men gen­er­al­ly keep their hair short to avoid con­fu­sion with wom­en. Sec­ond­ly men,were gen­er­al­ly seen as war­riors so to have long hair would present an obsti­cle dur­ing war, a dis­ad­van­tage. You could be restrained by it. Final­ly as a black man for most its been ingrained in yes since we were chil­dren to go to the Bar­ber­shop and get a hair cut. Most moth­ers were sin­gle moms and did not have time to… Read more »
Beautyintheeyes
You are so right! This arti­cle got me won­der­ing until I saw your com­ment. What of Africa where there isn’t much on the issue of long hair/short hair? Men in Africa (I’m African), or most part of it, cut their hair it is not about accep­tance. It is a sign of mas­culin­i­ty. Ladies are sup­posed to wor­ry about hair and beau­ty, the men have no time for such. African-Amer­i­can men should no that their cut­ting their hair may not be as a result of their past, but the cul­ture where they were orig­i­nal­ly from (Africa). Men wear­ing long hair or wor­ry­ing… Read more »
Candise
I don’t think its just black men, I think its all men in gen­er­al, but black men espe­cial­ly. Hair is beau­ti­ful, but since way back in the day, like most things when it comes to beau­ty, long hair has been asso­ci­at­ed with fem­i­nin­i­ty. The hair was cut to sep­a­rate the men from the wom­en, to make men look more pre­sentable, for a lot of rather stu­pid rea­sons. But why? Why should men not embrace their beau­ty? If hair was only meant for wom­en, then only wom­en would have hair and all the men in the world would be bald or… Read more »
Mercy
I’ve won­dered quite a few times myself. After see­ing actors like Matthew McConaugh­ey, Ash­ton Kutcher, many white rock singers and oth­ers over the years I won­dered why black men cut their hair so low! More White men are secure with hav­ing hair near their shoul­ders or at least grown out to right below their ears. They’re not con­sid­ered too fem­i­nine for hav­ing hair that is more than 3 inch­es long! Intrigu­ing when you think of oth­er races’ and cul­tures’ ide­als in gen­der roles. Samoan men pride in their hair. Like Kib­we men­tioned, I’ve over­heard many guys in high school speak… Read more »
Beautyintheeyes
Some things you have to under­stand: .White people’s cul­ture is not same to yours. .whether white, black, green, or blue, a man with too much hair is more of a fem­i­nine attrib­ute in many cul­tures, whether or not Ash­ton Kutcher and the rest are crit­i­cized for it does not change the fact. .Hav­ing long hair in men is not a sign of secu­ri­ty, how can you even see that as a sign of secu­ri­ty or inse­cu­ri­ty? It’s sim­ply a choice. How about say­ing the men with longer hair are inse­cure and does not want to show their skulls because it doesn’t have… Read more »
Mercy
There’s a tribe whose faces I could nev­er for­get. I was watch­ing a fea­ture on Nat­Geo years ago and I could nev­er for­get the Wodaabe after all of the­se years. Although I for­got their name, i nev­er for­got their rit­u­al and that the men grew long hair. That held my admi­ra­tion because the­se men’s tex­ture was sim­i­lar to mine’s and it looked great on them. There’s also the Masai tribe. Their men grow long hair too. And I’m sure there’s many oth­er African tribes whose men grow long hair too. I remem­ber years ago a lot of black men wore… Read more »
wie kann ich schnell abnehmen

I am delight­ed that I detect­ed this web site, pre­cise­ly the right infor­ma­tion that I was search­ing for! .

Young Black Man
Long hair and short hair does not define a man, nor does it make him more fem­i­nine or mas­cu­line. Hair is an exten­sion of the body and brain, noth­ing else. If you’re too scared that your man­hood would be jeop­ar­dized for grow­ing long hair than per­haps you need to recheck your sex­u­al­i­ty. As a young black man myself I have worn both short and long hair.  I have grown the afro, had braids, short cuts, soup bowls, waves, shaved com­plete­ly bald, and I cur­rent­ly have locks of hair a few inch­es past my shoul­der. Speak­ing from my own man­ly point of… Read more »
MichelleF

Thank you very much, this is by far the best respon­se I have seen.

rainbow

Had no idea that was why black men were get­ting ceasars. I see men with kinky hair out and scruffy look and they look hot! Check out Richie Drenz!!

iammastar21

I love black men with long nat­u­ral hair as long as it’s clean trimmed and well main­tained not dirty tan­gled and a wild mess. Big afros braids and dread­locks are sexy on black men when they main­tain it well. Short clean cuts are nice too though but I go crazy over a black man with long nat­u­ral hair.

BaldheadedFoo

There is WAY too many bald-head­ed black dudes out there. Glad to see bruthas mix­ing it up more. Hope the trend of grow­ing out hair becomes more pop­u­lar. With all the milk duds walk­ing around you could open a can­dy fac­to­ry.

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