*UPDATE* Corey’s wife, Chut­ney, has respond­ed to this piece. Be sure to check it out here.

By Dr Corey Guy­ton of The Gen­uine Schol­ar

When I met my wife, she was every­thing I want­ed in a wom­an. She was edu­cat­ed, Black, took great care of her­self, and had long flowy hair.

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When I first met her

As a young­ster, I was always encour­aged by old­er men, my peers, and even some wom­en to find a wom­an who had “good hair”. Equipped with this advice, my wife’s hair was the icing on the cake to com­ple­ment her oth­er won­der­ful qual­i­ties.

After dat­ing for a while, my world got turned upside down as my wife uttered the­se dread­ful words…”I am think­ing about going nat­u­ral”. At this point I thought, what is a man to do when his wife is think­ing about get­ting rid of the icing on the cake? Now, I had seen tons of wom­en who were nat­u­ral and I admired their look (one of those wom­en being my moth­er), but for some rea­son I did not feel nat­u­ral was for my wom­an.

As the days went by, I pro­gres­sive­ly start­ed research­ing as much as I could about the entire nat­u­ral process to fig­ure out what in the heck my wife was about to do to her­self. As I learned more and more about the process, my mind start­ed play­ing tricks on me. The ques­tions in my mind began to trans­form from being about why my wife would want to be nat­u­ral to why did I want to keep her from being nat­u­ral. This is the point I start­ed eval­u­at­ing myself instead of my wife.

So the mil­lion dol­lar ques­tion is why did I want to keep my wife from embrac­ing her nat­u­ral hair?

Inse­cu­ri­ty
The truth is that I was inse­cure. I was inse­cure in the fact that my wife had to cut her hair. I was inse­cure in the fact that she would have a TWA (Tiny Weeny Afro).  And I was inse­cure in the fact that she could pos­si­bly look dif­fer­ent. The under­ly­ing issue was that I was not com­fort­able in my own man­hood, because sub­con­scious­ly, I felt I would be less of a man if my wife did not have long flowy hair. It was not about her, it was about me and my inse­cu­ri­ties.

Blind­ed
I was blind­ed by so many things includ­ing Euro­cen­tric val­ues, the media, and my own peo­ple.

  • Grow­ing up in a coun­try where the stan­dards are based on Euro­cen­tric val­ues, I fell into the trap of think­ing that my def­i­n­i­tion of beau­ty was sup­posed to be the same as their def­i­n­i­tion of beau­ty. This false sense of under­stand­ing lead to me hav­ing the spir­it of oppres­sion towards my beau­ti­ful Black sis­tas, includ­ing my wife. Sad­ly, I tried to place those Euro­cen­tric val­ues on my Afro­cen­tric queens.
  • I was also blind­ed by the numer­ous images of “beau­ty” that were por­trayed in the media. Any­time I would see a Black wom­an who was in movies, music videos, pageants, or on any day time tele­vi­sion, she had long flowy hair. This played into my psy­che and caused me to think that the­se wom­en were the def­i­n­i­tion of beau­ty.
  • Final­ly, I was blind­ed by my own peo­ple (includ­ing myself) who con­stant­ly dis­played self-hate. The men con­stant­ly spoke about how wom­en with short hair or non-straight hair were nap­py head­ed and sis­tas put tons of weave in their head for the pur­pos­es of “increas­ing their beau­ty”. We cre­at­ed the thought that we were not beau­ti­ful the way God cre­at­ed us.


 The Real­i­ty

Cut-again

This is Her Today (4 Years Lat­er), Look­ing Spec­tac­u­lar

I am blessed to have a wife who chal­lenged me by not giv­ing in to my inse­cu­ri­ties. Her jour­ney of redis­cov­er­ing her­self was a piv­otal point in my life because I also dis­cov­ered myself through the process. I broke free of oppres­sion and am now one of the biggest advo­cates for my beau­ti­ful sis­tas return­ing to their nat­u­ral roots. Since the blind­ers are off, I would not want my wife to be any way oth­er than nat­u­ral.

Moral of the arti­cle is broth­ers sup­port our beau­ti­ful nat­u­ral queens and sis­tas embrace your nat­u­ral beau­ty!

For more of Corey’s writ­ings, check out his web­site The Gen­uine Schol­ar. Also check out his free e-book Sup­port­ing Your Queen on Her Jour­ney of Return­ing to Being Nat­u­ral.

Black Girl With Long Hair

Leila Noel­lis­te, founder of Black Girl with Long Hair (April 2008). Social media, pop cul­ture and black beau­ty enthu­si­ast. bell hooks’ hair twin…

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199 Comments on "How Insecurity Almost Prevented Me From Supporting My Wife’s Natural Hair Transition"

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Lampito

Wow!
Your wife looks gor­geous!

It takes many a life­time to eman­ci­pate them­selves from men­tal slav­ery.
Many peo­ple actu­al­ly nev­er achieve that men­tal lib­er­a­tion, so con­grat­u­la­tions to you for decol­o­niz­ing your mind and then, as a con­se­quence, for embrac­ing your wife for who she is nat­u­ral­ly.

Live long, well, and mind­ful­ly.

Rachel

Great arti­cle. Good for Mr Guy­ton. Our abil­i­ty to love and accept always starts with our­selves, not our spouse. Love­ly cou­ple, I must say Mrs. Guy­ton looks so much more youth­ful and vibrant with her nat­u­ral hair, sue prac­ti­cal­ly glow­ing!

Erica

I agree, she does look won­der­ful with short nat­u­ral hair!

Nappy 4C Rocks

let the com­ments begin!

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