Style Icon Tori

Many nat­u­rals spend a lot of time, research and mon­ey seek­ing out the per­fect holy grail con­di­tion­er. This is the prod­uct that will give super soft hair and mois­ture for days. This is the prod­uct that will repli­cate the salon results. How­ev­er, the truth is that salon prod­ucts are often sold to con­sumers and many of these are real­ly not dra­mat­i­cal­ly dif­fer­ent from store bought prod­ucts. The real secret of super soft hair is more about tech­nique and less about prod­uct. Yes, it is true that your hair may pre­fer a par­tic­u­lar ingre­di­ent but it is pos­si­ble with the right process to get your hair super soft regard­less of the prod­uct. Here are the tips.

1. Do not skip sham­poo

How does this cre­ate soft hair : No build up on the hair sur­face means you get a very smooth strand to the touch.

Hair con­di­tion­er is the first thing many think about when it comes to soft hair but apply­ing hair con­di­tion­er to hair with a lay­er of oil and styling prod­ucts real­ly reduces its abil­i­ty to work as intend­ed. Find a mild sham­poo that you like and always use it dur­ing your main wash. If you choose to co-wash between main wash­es, this is fine, but using a sham­poo dur­ing your main wash will help fight build up and cre­ate a nice clean lay­er for your con­di­tion­er to work on.

2. Do not be heavy hand­ed with con­di­tion­er — Unrav­el those twists or braids 

How does this cre­ate soft hair : Hair con­di­tion­er coats hair with soft­en­ing ingre­di­ents and the more hair you have in con­tact with the con­di­tion­er, the soft­er it will feel.

If you are wash­ing your hair in large twists or braids, take the time to unrav­el each twist or braid and apply hair con­di­tion­er prop­er­ly to coat each strand of hair. You do not have to be heavy hand­ed with your con­di­tion­er, you just have to make sure you get every strand cov­ered . Plop­ping a large amount of con­di­tion­er on hair and try­ing to squeeze it through each large twist or braid is not the way to go. How­ev­er, do rebraid or retwist after the con­di­tion­er appli­ca­tion, if you intend to con­trol shrink­age.

3. Heat up your con­di­tion­er and keep it on for 20 — 30 min­utes

How does this cre­ate soft hair : Increased heat and addi­tion­al time (20–30 min­utes max­i­mum), increas­es the amount of con­di­tion­er that can deposit on the sur­face of hair. More con­di­tion­er on the sur­face equals more soft­ness.

Often in a salon, you will either have your hair wrapped in a tow­el after con­di­tion­ing and asked to wait or cov­ered with a plas­tic cap and placed under a hood­ed dry­er. At home, you can achieve the same effect by sim­ply heat­ing up your con­di­tion­er in a water bath and then keep­ing the heat in once the con­di­tion­er is applied by cov­er­ing your hair with a tow­el. Heat increas­es the amount of deposits on the hair sur­face from con­di­tion­er (adsorp­tion if you are in the know). Increas­ing your con­di­tion­ing time to 20–30 min­utes also increas­es adsorp­tion but after this time peri­od, there are no fur­ther increas­es.

4. Go easy with the leave in prod­ucts and stretch your hair out to dry

How does this cre­ate soft hair: Using a min­i­mal amount of leave in prod­ucts allows hair strands to be able to move past each oth­er and not be sticky. The lighter hair feels, the soft­er it feels. Also hair that is very kinky with small curls will feel soft­er when stretched com­pared to when allowed to ful­ly shrink.

Leave in prod­ucts are use­ful for main­tain­ing mois­ture but using a large amount can reduce the soft­ness of hair. Nat­u­ral­ly if you pre­fer your hair to be coat­ed with a prod­uct as it feels bet­ter, then that is ok for you.

If you have hair that clumps, please ignore this next tip, you should encour­age clump­ing and allow your hair to dry unre­strict­ed. If your hair has tight curls and mul­ti­ple kinks, allow­ing it to shrink ful­ly can cre­ate a very rough feel­ing tex­ture (‘bril­lo pad’), regard­less of whether you have fol­lowed the process­es list­ed above. This is the rea­son why many styl­ists will fin­ish hair with a light blow dry or twist out/braid out depend­ing on time and client’s desire. Stretch­ing out the hair increas­es the feel­ing of soft­ness.

Final­ly, one addi­tion­al tip that I can give for stretch­ing hair at home is that if you are choos­ing to air dry your hair in twists or braids, you can get a very good stretch and hair that feels very soft by stretch­ing in two cycles. First, apply your leave ins/oils to fresh­ly washed hair and braid or twist to dry. In the sec­ond cycle, unrav­el the dry twists or braids, rewet light­ly with water and reap­ply a small amount of leave in or oil once more. Retwist or rebraid and allow to dry once more to get to a real­ly good stretch.

Ladies, have you tried these tips? How do you get super soft hair?

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50 Comments on "4 Secrets to Super Soft Natural Hair"

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I lit­er­al­ly do the oppo­site of every­thing in this post to get soft hair. This real­ly shows that what works for one per­son might not work for oth­er peo­ple.

Tonya Pierce-Barganier
Tonya Pierce-Barganier

Any sug­ges­tions on why my hair is hard on top and soft under­neath … Nat­ur­al 3c type

Jessica Williams

OMG!! You have the most beau­ti­ful hair I have seen in a while!! Absolute­ly gor­geous!!


Amaz­ing! Its in fact remark­able para­graph, I have got much clear idea con­cern­ing from this para­graph.

chidinma Obinnakwelu

so hw many time do i need to deep con­di­tion?


After look­ing over a hand­ful of the blog posts on your site, I real­ly appre­ci­ate your
tech­nique of blog­ging. I book marked it to my book­mark web­page list and will be check­ing back soon.
Please check out my web­site as well and tell me your opin­ion.

Crystal P. Brock

The hair style was so nice and very inter­est­ing because you can make your hair won­der­ful. This kind of hair style was real­ly great and i love a lot of hair style like in the style icon. :)


hey my hair is break­ing like nobody’s busi­ness and its relaxed now i want to start afreash and have nat­ur­al hair please help a sis­ter out


I like the Tran­si­tion­ing area of this site (Under Hair Care). Under there check out “Tran­si­tion­ing 101: Every­thing You Need to Know About Tran­si­tion­ing to Nat­ur­al Hair” — I think that’s a great start­ing point. Keep brows­ing sites like this one and also check out youtube for oth­er nat­u­rals for ideas as you start your nat­ur­al hair jour­ney. Good Luck! :o)

Con­grat­u­la­tions on your deci­sion to go Nat­ur­al because the chem­i­cals are no good for your hair and can affect your body neg­a­tive­ly in many ways too. I hold Hair Today and Hair Tomor­row Nat­ur­al Hair Care Events in Lon­don (UK) that would be great for you to attend. I used to relax my hair for many years and then tran­si­tioned back to nat­ur­al hair over a peri­od of 2 yrs. If you do not live geo­graph­i­cal­ly close to where my Events/Workshops take place, you can surf the net and read blogs and try to research as much as you can about… Read more »

[…] Culled from Black­girl­long­hair […]

All the prod­ucts I use make the hair soft after they are rinsed out. I use Pielor smooth and soft­ness sham­poo (mild for­mu­la­tion) ORS Replen­ish­ing con­di­tion­er, When I deep con­di­tion I use Kane­chom Jaboron­di and Acai hair masks. They make my hair real­ly soft and easy to d’tangle, comb and style. not only are they mois­tur­iz­ing hair masks but when I air dry my hair it shrinks and forms per­fect curls. To main­tain the soft effect of the prod­ucts I use, I most­ly just spritz with water and some­times mix the water with anoth­er mois­tur­iz­er. I don’t use any prod­uct until… Read more »
Hel­lo ladies, I just did my BC on 12/9 btw it was the worst and great­est expe­ri­ence of my life but now after a week I am strug­gling with this bril­lo pad on my head. I have been using shea mois­tures sham­poo once or twice a month I cow­ash dai­ly with cold water and I use shea mois­tures con­di­tion­er twice a week, I also use jamaican cas­tor oil (coconut) but I am still hav­ing trou­ble with keep­ing my hair soft and not mat­ted look­ing when I wake up in the morn­ing. I am so lost on this nat­ur­al process and… Read more »

Don’t use cold water to wash your hair!
Cold water clos­es the cuti­cles and stops mois­ture from com­ing in.
Warm/Hot water opens the cuti­cles and let’s mois­ture in.
Think of it like shin­gles on a roof; when the slates are raised (open) water can go in and make the house wet, when the slates are low­ered (closed) water can’t go in and the house stays dry.

So this is what I rec­om­mend you do:
Wash your hair with very warm water, not hot or it will scald your scalp. Apply a sealant of your choice (coconut oil, cast­er oil, etc.) Then rinse your hair with cold water.
I hope that helps!

Try using Coconut oil the night before wash­ing your hair. I go to a Indi­an Store and buy Vati­ka (my favorite); Pro­tec­tive styling goes a long way…try some some twist and still mois­tur­ize dai­ly. I will twist my hair and in the morn­ing I will spritz it with a mix­ture of water and aloe vera juice (1 part AVJ to 2 parts H2O), rub some oil on my hair (jojo­ba, olive oil, or sweet almond oil) and seal with a small amount of but­ter. Be sure to wrap your hair up at night. Stick with it — it gets eas­i­er.… Read more »



You have to do some kind of pro­tec­tive style like ban­tu knots or twists. That molds the hair and does­nt allow it to be so dry. Ofcourse a leave in helps also. I per­son­al­ly like Aveeno


I find what helps me is not to wash or Co-wash dai­ly. I Wash once a week or every two. For the most part I keep my hair in pro­tec­tive styles such as braids or weave. If I wear my hair out which is most­ly in spring and fall I make sure I oil me hair and then at I put cas­tor oil on my tips! Hope this helps

After my big chop, I couldn’t wash/cowash every­day!! I only washed once a week or so. Once you put a prod­uct in, it’s there and each morn­ing I wet my hands or sprayed water in my hair and worked to get my desired look. That keeps your hair from exces­sive build up. Your prod­ucts you list­ed are great ones-but may not be what works to achieve the soft­ness you real­ly want! I’m no expert, I’ve used a lot of tri­al and error in these 13 years. OAN-I love wigs!! In win­ter I rarely wear my hair out!! So if it works-… Read more »
I would sug­gest try­ing Gio­van­ni smooth as silk deep con­di­tion­er. It gives so much mois­ture after you wags your hair that you do not need much after. I rec­om­mend apply­ing it and then detan­gling and leav­ing it in for about 30 min under a dry­er not too hot just warm. Or with­out a dry­er for one hour. Then apply your cas­tor oil (small amount) and you should be good. Trust me, I strug­gle with extreme­ly dry and brit­tle hair, mat­ted in the morn­ing. I nev­er sleep with wet hair and this is the only thing that works for me. You… Read more »
I use cre­ations gar­den leave in and I seal with coconut oil. This is what works for me.I usu­al­ly use cas­tor oil more so on my scalp because it’s great at pre­vent­ing a dry scalp and some­times i get a lit­tle heavy hand­ed so my twist outs don’t look all that. Maybe you need a leave in or a butter!*just a thought* :) btw I get my cre­ations gar­den leave in at tj maxx for a cheap­er price if you were won­der­ing. I used to use the Gart­ner fruc­tis one but want­ed to try some­thing new. I had to mix… Read more »
Bang bang

I just feel like cry­ing… I’ve been nat­ur­al for almost a yr now but my rou­tine is wash con­di­tion corn­row and weave.. I’m so frus­trat­ed as it’s long enough at this point to style it with­out a weave but the tex­ture is for­eign to me. It’s hard, nappy/very small tight curls, and I’m ready to slap a perm it. Ladies please help I wan­na stay nat­ur­al but idk what to do, how do I man­age?

Thanks so much for this info on how to take care of nat­ur­al hair . I’m mow in my 5th month no perm com­ing from a wave neuvo..and it’s hard for bc I hv to moister­iz­er in my hair to keep it from being puffy, I’m Not ready for the Afro look…so I keep it tied down with a wave scarf , so far it works for me my nat­ur­al hair is more wavy then the permed hair..b4 I was only wash­ing my hair once a month but and my growth was at a stand still bit now that I’m… Read more »
Simple Natural

Some­times it’s not about what to put or not to put on our hair, it’s more about well being too. So many of us nat­u­rals neglect this part, it’s about eat­ing more fruits and vegs, exer­cise reg­u­lar­ly, drink more water, sleep 8 or more hours a day and also keep­ing our­selves clean includ­ing our hair by wash­ing it more often than once a month, just an idea, not try­ing to judge any­one, hope it helps : )


An out­stand­ing share! I’ve just for­ward­ed this onto a col­league who was doing a lit­tle home­work on this. And he actu­al­ly ordered me din­ner because I found it for him… lol. So let me reword this.… Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spend­ing some time to talk about this mat­ter here on your web site.




Do what works best for your hair. I dis­cov­ered that the water where I live is hard. I could nev­er under­stand why my hair felt rough even after try­ing a vari­ety of sham­poos and con­di­tion­ers. Many of them were well know organ­ic prod­ucts. I even tried cleans­ing con­di­tion­ers. Noth­ing caused my hair to feel as soft and mois­tur­ized as pre-poo­ing at least 3X a month. I now have soft healthy nat­ur­al hair.

Esther B.
Ladies, I need your help. I don’t know where else to go so I fig­ured this is as good a place as any. My baby girl (now aged 3) is mixed. My hus­band is black and I’m white(well, I’m semit­ic / mixed real­ly). Judg­ing by your style icons, I’d say her hair is 3B to 3C.  Here’s the prob­lem: I have no clue how to prop­er­ly care for her hair and when I took her to a salon, the lady told me to ‘relax’ it. I def­i­nite­ly don’t want to pump my kid with 10 thou­sand chem­i­cals, and I real­ly don’t want… Read more »


First of all you need to find a good organ­ic nat­ur­al oil. Make sure to test the oil for 24 hours before you use it on your daugh­ter hair to pre­vent any aller­gic reac­tion. Extra vir­gin Coconut oil is usu­al­ly the oil most nat­ur­al go for because it helps pre­vent pro­tein loss and hygral fatigue. Apply the oil on your daughter’s hair overnight if she is com­fort­able enough to sleep with plas­tic cap on the night before her sham­poo day. If not just put her pil­low in a plas­tic bag and add an old t-shirt or tow­el as a pil­low… Read more »
Esther B.

Thank you very much. I sup­pose I will have to get her used to this and make it fun for her. 

… and I’ll need to learn how to style her hair :P all I ever do to mine is wash it. 

You were very help­ful, Lin­da. Thanks again!

Simple Natural
Do what is best for her hair and keep it sim­ple. For me what I do with mine, as I go to the gym and swim a lot + work, I haven’t got enough time to spend on my hair. So I start by wash­ing my hair with a good mois­tur­is­ing sul­phate free organ­ic sham­poo, rinse, then I apply the reg­u­lar con­di­tion­er which is from the same brand, leave it for about 5–10 mins while I’m tak­ing show­er then when I’m done with show­er, I rinse my hair with medi­um cold water, squeeze excess water from my hair then apply… Read more »
Lara Love
Cur­rent­ly, I’m cow­ash­ing. I was sham­poo­ing before but if fig­ured I should co wash or at lest try it. I use Suave Nat­u­rals trop­i­cal coconut con­di­tion­er to co wash and I deep con­di­tion with TREsemme’s Nat­ur­al con­di­tion­er. My hair retains mois­ture well. My length too. I only sham­poo once a month now with Curls creamy cleanser. My hair is fine. I used to sham­poo with Shea Mois­ture reten­tion sham­poo and my hair felt dry so many times even if I mois­tur­ized it. My hair did retain length, but the dry feel­ing I hat­ed it. I’m 21 months post relax­er and… Read more »
Ola Mae

This arti­cle is so true! A friend asked me how do I care for my hair regard­ing length and keep it so soft. I told her that the best thing I do for my hair is to deep con­di­tion. My hair is always soft and that has a lot to do with it. Even when I was relaxed I always deep con­di­tioned my hair. It wasn’t until I had stopped that I my hair start­ed to break off.


Hi there! This is my first com­ment here so I just want­ed to give a quick shout out and tell you I tru­ly enjoy read­ing through your posts. Can you rec­om­mend any oth­er blogs/websites/forums that go over the same top­ics? Thanks a lot!

robbin melton

Total­ly agree with most of this, espe­cial­ly about the sham­poo­ing. I have touch­able, soft hair by deep con­di­tion­ing, sham­poo­ing twice (first time is to remove prod­uct, oil, dirt),conditioning once a week. My hair moves, has tons of lus­tre and looks, feels and smells healthy. See way too many dried up nat­u­rals!!!!


This arti­cle is on point, but I have one addi­tion­al tip that worked well for me. If you don’t already eat a ton of fruits and veg­gies, try incor­po­rat­ing more of them into your dai­ly meals. I find that my hair is shinier, soft­er, and less prone to break­age when I’ve been munch­ing on green things :)


I’ll make bor­row­ing mon­ey easy and amus­ing for you… Even over­draft could be very much in just the same cat­e­go­ry, being expen­sive more­over full with restric­tions.


My reg­i­men is def­i­nite­ly sim­i­lar to this: I sham­poo, rinse, con­di­tion­er (stay on for 30 min­utes), hot oil treat­ment (not a lot of oil), braid up hair, take down in the morn­ing and style as usu­al. It takes a lit­tle longer but I’m real­ly patient with my hair. My hair comes out look­ing full, soft and shiny and it stays that way for weeks (two most­ly).

This arti­cle makes a lot of sense. Today I untwist­ed my hair, deep con­di­tioned on dry ish hair, did some house­work and then washed it out with a clar­i­fy­ing sham­poo as it was time. Then I spayed a bit of leave in (water based) and I’m cur­rent­ly air dry­ing in the band­ing method. I touch my hair and it is ridicu­lous­ly soft! The dif­fer­ence is usu­al­ly, I’d slap on tonnes of leave in and seal with oil and THEN air dry in the band­ing method and it didn’t stretch as much. I will also be using mois­tur­is­ing sham­poos (maybe mixed… Read more »

DO NOT try the con­di­tion­er option. Reg­u­lar con­di­tion­ers are ONLY designed for quick, on-then-off appli­ca­tion and NOT intend­ed for pro­longed, 20–30 “deep con­di­tions.” Use an ACTUAL deep con­di­tion­er. Reg­u­lar con­di­tion­ers are made to quick­ly close the cuti­cle of the hair shaft after the sham­poo opens it. Deep con­di­tion­ers are made specif­i­cal­ly to deeply pen­e­trate the cuti­cle and close it. A reg­u­lar con­di­tion­er will NOT work the same way if you leave it under the dry­er, it’ll only dam­age the hair from mis­use of the prod­uct.

This infor­ma­tion is from a Tri­col­o­gist, by the way!


This is not true for me. I start­ed apply­ing heat to all my con­di­tion­ers around this time last year and the results have been all pos­i­tive. I am 4 and a half years nat­ur­al with MBL hair btw.


I agree Hairouna, 20–30 under the hood­ed dry­er works for me as well, I do make sure it is a thick­er con­di­tion­er more so than a thin one. I do agree with the sen­ti­ment of Alice, leav­ing them in overnight makes my hair far too soft, almost to where I need to do a pro­tein treat­ment lol. Only thing I leave in over night now is Hen­na and coconut oil for the pur­pose of pre­poo­ing.


I always love your arti­cles!

This is one of the main rea­sons I can’t com­mit to cow­ash­ing. And I’ve tried the “shampoo/condition-while-in-twists or braids” method and I nev­er under­stood how it worked for so many peo­ple because I could nev­er ful­ly rinse out the prod­uct and I’m not about to sit under the show­er (and water is expen­sive where I live) for an inces­sant amount of time. 

I’ve also noticed that not apply­ing con­di­tion­er to drip­ping wet hair yields bet­ter results.

And thanks for the addi­tion­al tip regard­ing stretch­ing hair!


Your Arti­cle makes sense. As a nat­ur­al hair­styl­ist, prod­ucts used on your hair is very impor­tant to achieve healthy, soft and man­age­able hair. Not just Sul­fate Free but parabens, wax­es, dyes and oth­er tox­ic ingre­di­ents to be of con­cern.


Great arti­cle!


Learn some­thing new every time! #awe­some!


When­ev­er I see that pic­ture of Tori, I always dou­ble take because she looks SO MUCH like Lau­ren Hill, & I’m always like, “Whoa, BGLH got Ms. Hill to chat about nat­ur­al hair?!!?? Sii­i­ic­c­ck­kkk.” ;p


Girl, you made lit­er­al­ly LOL!! Thanks for the com­pli­ment. Ms Hill is beau­ti­ful. :)


this entire arti­cle is my reg­i­men all the way through.Its true. Thats why i dont do co-wash­es. In fact as soon as I sham­poo my hair gets real­ly soft & even a lit­tle silky.its amaz­ing