Amer­i­ca is obsessed with the con­cept of black women’s unlove­abil­i­ty. Head over to Google news and type in “black women” and “mar­riage” and you’ll be hit with a bar­rage of over-analy­sis on why no one wants us for mar­riage, in online dat­ing, any­where — and this fas­ci­na­tion is strange see­ing that black women are a mere 6% of the Amer­i­can pop­u­la­tion. MadameNoire writer Chris­tine Mwatu­ru­ra came up with the inge­nious plan of chang­ing her race on a dat­ing site to see exact­ly what life is like on the oth­er side.

I cre­at­ed Online Stephanie to see if the grass is green­er on the oth­er side of the racial divide. Stephanie is an unas­sum­ing look­ing, mod­er­ate­ly attrac­tive white woman with dark brown hair and a warm smile. Her per­son­al­i­ty and hob­bies are exact­ly iden­ti­cal to mine: she lis­tens to Bey­on­cé, prac­tices yoga and is a self-described health enthu­si­ast. She’s look­ing for the same type of guy as me: at least 5’9”, ath­let­ic build, col­lege edu­cat­ed with no kids.

So accord­ing to the “com­mon knowl­edge” that black women are vir­tu­al­ly ignored on dat­ing sites, Mwtu­ru­rua should have been flood­ed with a bar­rage of eli­gi­ble bach­e­lors and mar­riage pro­pos­als, right? Um… actu­al­ly no. This was her tal­ly at the end of the week.

Num­ber of Pro­file Views
Stephanie got 27 views in one week. I got about 34 views per week.

Low-Grade Inter­ac­tions Received (e.g. winks, pho­to likes, and favorites)
Stephanie received more inter­ac­tions than I did on a per week basis.

High-Grade Inter­ac­tions Received (email)
Stephanie received 5 emails in one week com­pared to my abysmal 1 email per week.

Qual­i­ty of Emails
Stephanie’s in-mail mes­sages were gen­er­al­ly craft­ed bet­ter. Men would actu­al­ly take the time to write an entire per­son­al­ized para­graph to intro­duce them­selves, where­as a good por­tion of my in-mail was inco­her­ent gib­ber­ish like: “How you are beau­ti­ful eyes and your beau­ty beloved charm­ing you the most beau­ti­ful angel.” Say what?

Qual­i­ty of Sug­gest­ed Match­es
Stephanie got more slight­ly bet­ter look­ing match­es than I did. She also nev­er ran into an issue where a match’s pro­file specif­i­cal­ly exclud­ed her race from the eth­nic­i­ty pref­er­ences, in com­par­i­son to me where I’d often see Black women specif­i­cal­ly exclud­ed from eth­nic­i­ty pref­er­ences.

And while Stephanie’s out­comes were bet­ter than Mwtururua’s, at the end of the day none of the new prospects were good can­di­dates for her.

When com­par­ing both online dat­ing expe­ri­ences, the most curi­ous thing that came out of it for me was that even though my num­ber of per week pro­file views beat out Stephanie’s, this did not trans­late into more inter­ac­tions. It seems like men are hap­py to look at a Black woman but won’t ini­ti­ate flirt­ing. On the flip­side, men are spurred into action when pre­sent­ed with a non-Black face… As a whole, Stephanie’s online dat­ing expe­ri­ence felt bet­ter than mine, but only mar­gin­al­ly so. At the end of it all, of the men who had ini­ti­at­ed some form of inter­ac­tion, there wasn’t a sin­gle guy whom I would have picked for a date. Stephanie would have end­ed up watch­ing Net­flix alone on a Fri­day night, just like me. So yes, even though there is a per­va­sive dis­count applied against Black women online, maybe the result of it doesn’t mat­ter all that much in real terms. Online dat­ing sucks… for every­one.

We agree.

Read the full sto­ry here. Ladies, what are your thoughts?

Black Girl With Long Hair

Leila Noel­liste, founder of Black Girl with Long Hair (April 2008). Social media, pop cul­ture and black beau­ty enthu­si­ast. bell hooks’ hair twin…

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25 Comments on "This Black Woman Changed Her Race on a Dating Site and the Result Was Surprising"

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[…] or an aca­d­e­m­ic schol­ar to notice the tide in Amer­i­ca has shift­ed. Whether you want to talk about the abysmal dat­ing scene for edu­cat­ed women of col­or in major met­ro­pol­i­tan areas, the dif­fi­cul­ty in find­ing a job that does not suck your soul out […]


[…] or an aca­d­e­m­ic schol­ar to notice the tide in Amer­i­ca has shift­ed. Whether you want to talk about the abysmal dat­ing scene for edu­cat­ed women of col­or in major met­ro­pol­i­tan areas, the dif­fi­cul­ty in find­ing a job that does not suck your soul out […]


[…] or aca­d­e­m­ic schol­ar to notice the tide in Amer­i­ca has shift­ed. Whether you want to talk about the abysmal dat­ing scene for edu­cat­ed women of col­or in major met­ro­pol­i­tan areas, the dif­fi­cul­ty in find­ing a job that does not suck your soul out […]


[…] a Black woman the first thing she asks is how many kids do I have and how many baby­ma­mas? With oth­er races I don’t have to wor­ry about those ques­tions.” “Black women don’t want to date me because […]


From the results I’m will­ing to bet she chose a white chick that looked Lati­na or was a light­skinned black woman she deemed white. She should run the exper­i­ment with a skin­ny blonde under the age of 25 that’s who gets the most atten­tion. I did once and the mail­box was gush­ing like a geyser. On top of that the men would offer gifts like crazy but I sus­pect­ed it was a way to gain her home address.


give a P.O. Box lol


I feel like more fac­tors and vari­ables need to be con­sid­ered. I think if you are under 30 are skin­ny, very light-skinned and or look like Bey­on­cé white men will be inter­est­ed in you. If you live on a bad side of town and have a low­er finan­cial sta­tus you can for­get about meet­ing a qual­i­ty white man except for sex not mar­riage. Black men are gen­er­al­ly look­ing for oth­er races that are not inter­est­ed in them.

Miss Bosha
Inter­est­ing! I use a few online dat­ing sites and I am a dark­er-skinned black woman. I get between 2–7 mes­sages a day depend­ing on the site, all races of men con­tact me. How­ev­er, I’d say most­ly Black & Span­ish men con­tact me, and when oth­er races con­tact me they tend to be think­ing sex first. Asians rarely ever con­tact me. Sur­pris­ing­ly, Mid­dle East­erns do. But with all oth­er races (except Span­ish) I feel as if they look at me like I’m some sort of exot­ic ani­mal to be had, and white men in par­tic­u­lar come off as if they are… Read more »
I hon­est­ly do NOT believe in the whole “unlov­able black woman” thing on no one want­i­ng to mar­ry black women. I’ve said for years its not true. I have an ehar­mo­ny pro­file and on my pro­file I made it clear that I exclu­sive­ly date black men. I get a lot of pro­file views and mes­sages when I’m actu­al­ly on ehar­mo­ny. If you have not logged onto ehar­mo­ny in awhile it shows this. I don’t mind online dat­ing I just have to get up the nerve to actu­al­ly com­mit to go out on a date with some­one I’m speak­ing to online.… Read more »

Yes, there are some men (black includ­ed) who will pass us up. But who cares about them?! I’d encour­age any woman who pur­sues online dat­ing to real­ly take time and craft a gen­uine and hon­est pro­file. Let it show your per­son­al­i­ty! The right man will come…and bonus–you’ll know he can read. haha


Real­ly a good post ! eye open­ing !

Philly Jawn

not sur­prised

I won­der what site she used because I have done the same exper­i­ment on pop­u­lar sites includ­ing apps and whether I fill in the pro­file or not men are real­ly thirsty for white women black men includ­ed. Pos­ing as a white woman I received all types of mes­sages and was in shock that a lot of men are will­ing to do any­thing and every­thing for a com­plete stranger who they nev­er met let alone even had an ini­tial con­ver­sa­tion with and as a black woman I don’t receive as much atten­tion or the same type of atten­tion online. I will… Read more »

Spe­cif­ic exclu­sion of race in a dat­ing pro­file? I’m both offend­ed and thank­ful.


It depends on the site, your age, your city, there are far too many vari­ables. I’ve joined many sites, I’m 25 and the best results I’ve had is on
I was ini­tial­ly look­ing for a site based on my reli­gion and found this site kept me busy answer­ing to many mes­sages. Not say­ing it isn’t true. I just feel like it needs to be test­ed more. I know too many of my friends who have had many pos­i­tive expe­ri­ences through online dat­ing.


So much of this is sub­jec­tive any­way. Her opin­ion of attrac­tive men, her opin­ion of good men, her opin­ion of good emails. It’s just inter­est­ing, noth­ing fac­tu­al or even very insight­ful.


Eh. I’m luke­warm on this. Wasn’t the study (or stud­ies, I can’t recall) that claimed Black women were the least desired in online dat­ing also claim­ing that Asian women–not white women were most desired. With Lati­na ( White or Mes­ti­zo, not Afro­l­ati­na of course) women com­ing in sec­ond and White women falling some­where after them. With those stats in mind, these results are not all that sur­pris­ing.

But it was an inter­est­ing exper­i­ment nonethe­less. I wouldn’t take it too seri­ous­ly though.


Oh I remem­ber it was stats tak­en from the OkCu­pid site


your hair has flour­ished!!! love the col­or too…did you pose for a stock pho­to shoot?

Justice S

Wow that’s fun­ny con­sid­er­ing I met my guy online and he is actu­al­ly white.Still not suprised

Claudette UK

That’s real­ly inter­est­ing.

Nikki Miller

That’s a pic­ture of me from YEARS ago!!! But the arti­cle isn’t about me, lol :)


We thought it was a stock pho­to!! Oh no!

Kaila Smith

These results are sur­pris­ing at all…


Weird…I was on a site and the blog­ger claims there was anoth­er ‘study’ rank­ing Asian women as the least phys­i­cal­ly desir­able by all men, includ­ing Asian men…so are any ‘stud­ies’ real­ly cred­i­ble in this huge ass coun­try and planet…man…just live your life and don’t be scared or intim­i­dat­ed to min­gle with everyone..don’t seg­re­gate yourselves…more options more fun.