NotCinderella.com Pastor Desiree Allen
NotCinderella.com
Pastor Desiree Allen

One of the chief criticisms of Christian culture is that it’s too judgmental. That sins are often ranked from ‘best to worst’ and judged accordingly.

So when Harlem, New York pastor Desiree Allen went public with her pregnancy and refused to stop preaching as a result of it, many commended her. Allen points out that male pastors often get women pregnant, but can continue to preach because their indiscretion can be hidden.

“After the initial shock was joy. Yet, underneath something else was lingering. Anger? No. Disappointment? No. It was pure and utter dread. Not at being pregnant. Not at whether or not I would be a good mother. What had my stomach turning, other than nausea, was me being pregnant AND a pastor. Let’s face it. The church has not had a good track record of accepting unmarried women who got pregnant. If you’ve been in church for any period of time you’ve heard or witnessed the aftermath. Shunning, slut shaming, being sat down from your position, having to go up in front of the church and confess your sin, etc. etc. No one can be naïve enough to say this type of stuff doesn’t happen in church. An ugly truth is people in church leadership have sex outside of marriage, affairs, do drugs, drink, so on and so forth. Generally, these are not considered acceptable acts. BUT I have seen many churches turn a blind eye to this behavior, because it can be hidden. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. To be pregnant is a very visible indication of a private act and for some reason provides people with more of a need to respond.”

Ultimately Allen decided that she could not continue living in a state of shame and condemnation.

“I realized I had some baggage and I wanted to deal with this pregnancy on my own terms regardless of how people felt or responded. In those first few months I decided I couldn’t carry the weight of others’ opinions and judgments including my own. I also had to confront the ways in which I judged others based on their decisions and actions. I decided I was going to walk with my head held high, because I was proud and excited to be pregnant. Often, when people think you’ve done something wrong or have sinned they want you to walk around with your head low in guilt. Otherwise, how would THEY know you were sorry? Well, I wasn’t sorry or ashamed. Shame and happiness cannot reside in the same place. I decided to only surround myself with those who had positive energy. I knew there would be rough days, but I also knew the good would outweigh the bad. So when the first comment was made about my pregnancy being an abomination I wasn’t bothered, because it wasn’t MY truth. Plus who uses abomination anyway? Can we say antiquated?

I had a choice on how to define my own happy and write my own story. I thought about the women who were belittled in their churches for being pregnant. The women who felt abortion was a better option than humiliation. The girl or young women of a pastor forced into abortion, because the family couldn’t handle the shame. The woman who left the church permanently because the members couldn’t accept her child. The woman who watched the same people who loved her each Sunday avoid her like a plague. The woman who would give up everything to be pregnant regardless of the circumstances and still finds her womb bare. So many women who may have made a different choice if they understood the power they had. If someone had told them, it was ok to make the best choice for them ignoring the outside voices. It would get better. They could outlive this. I understood what some people thought, what some scriptures said, but also the validity of my own experience.”

Allen’s church community ultimately surrounded and supported her, and she plans to continue preaching through the duration of the pregnancy, as well as after.

You can read her full story here.

Elle

Elle is the editor and creative director of the YouTube channel and blog, Quest for the Perfect Curl at www.questfortheperfectcurl.com. Her channel focuses on natural hair, beauty, and fitness. She loves products that smell like dessert, yoga, and glitter. Follow her @qftpc.

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167 Comments on "‘I Cannot Carry Your Judgment’: Pregnant and Unwed NYC Pastor Says She Refuses to Be Shamed Out of the Pulpit"

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VoiceofReason

People fail to realize that pastors are human. Their flock puts them “up there.” They are human and flawed, as we all are. I don’t have a heaven or hell to put her in.

Pamela Cotton

What does the Bible teach us about, adulterers and fornicators according to the Word the will have their part in the___________
unless they repent…

MsQTcut3

??? This is exactly why I couldn’t wait to get away from Christianity and all its hypocrisy and foolishness. It literally takes a pastor to experience real life to exhibit any compassion and set aside shaming and condemnation.
This is like a theif preaching about all the sins but stealing, or a Killer preaching about everything but murder. Can’t we just put this obviously b.s religion business aside and exist as empathetic beings together?

Melecia

Getting away Christianity is the worst mistake you could have made….it is turn away from Christ who died for you…He is your only hope return to Him

Aaron
My dear lady, it is not Christianity that is hypocritical. It’s certain individuals who claim to be Christian that do hypocritical things. If you and I both examined ourselves, you’ll find that Christian or non-Christian we have personal standards that we ourselves fail to keep and make convenient changes or excuses to avoid acknowledging that. This woman may have failed to be accountable as a pastor by pointing the finger at male pastors messing up (some of them, not all) but she is not Jesus. Look to Him in His Word & what He did for you on the cross… Read more »
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Truthteller

This is a bunch of BS!!. How you gonna be a pastor and CHOOSE to get pregnant out of wedlock. Then turn around and condemn the church for believing what god said about it just to make yourself feel better? This is what you call selective Christianity or better fake christianity or she may not be a Christian at all. Just because you call yourself a preacher don’t make you a Christian. Real christians live to please God not themselves Thank goodness god loves unconditionally.

TWA4now

It’s NOT about shaming her. When we mess up, God’s purpose and plan still continues in our lives.

AC Forver

t’s not that Christianity is a joke but the way people who proclaim to be Christians. People are doing whatsoever they like and triumphing it in the name of Christianity. Read your bible ! She is out of order for being a female preacher (not my opinion) but it’s in the bible.

TWA4now

That’s a tough call. It depends on what church…some expose the sin and ask the person to “step down” for awhile. It’s not per day about judgement….none are perfect…but accountability. I hope she and the baby are healthy.

A.P. Millz-CT

LOL… this is why I can’t with so-called Christians.. She probably shamed a few women in the past for the same acts..

4C-beautifully
The church is such a joke. Three months before she got pregnant I’m sure she was teaching and preaching that sex outside marriage is a sin. Then she too got busted. These preachers are such hipocrits. Male and female. Females aren’t supposed to be preaching anyway according to the very book they preach from. Church is a joke. A pick and choose what best suits you smorgasbord of a pyramid scheme. Bet the baby shower will be lucrative… In Jesus’s name. In the real world she shouldn’t be shamed. Christiandom however is an ever evolving world of whatever works for… Read more »
Glojean ShortStuff Flannagan
Glojean ShortStuff Flannagan
The TRUE BELIEVER’S church is not a joke really. It is the folk that perpetrate a fraud that makes the supposedly house of God look bad. There are a few preachers that are serious about God’s Word and they do not play. The bible says “Study to show thyself approved”. I for one am very observant and will not sit under a preacher that does not take his position serious or teach according to the the bible. God is the judge of us all and those people that stand in the pulpit and lead God’s people astray will have to… Read more »
Ria Pendergrass

*hypocrite*

Kinsmankid

Did you have a bad experience at a church? What the deal?

michelle_mixon
I think we’d be hardpress to find anyone who HAS NOT had a bad experience from a church “the church”. I think God is trying to get us to separate him from man. Flesh will fail you everytime. Relationship with him is waaaaay more important than religion. Some people go to church religiously. Having a form of godliness…..we have to get our relationship with HIM right and it’s sad to say but it’s not found in the four walls of a church. Jesus spent very little time in the synagogues. There was so much hyprocrisy in the church. He was… Read more »
Kinsmankid
You really didn’t answer my question, but that’s okay. Your choice. From my experience, church is not the horrible place that you make it out to be. My church and others like it do great things in their communities through ministries in education, health and serving the poor. We church people also comfort families in the time of death, service the sick and shut in and celebrate joyful times such and marriages and births. Having a personal relationship with God is most important. It’s good to be in fellowship with other believers. We can grow spiritually together and serve the… Read more »
Yup, I said it

You act like Kandi is a Trump or a HIlton. Bob Whitfield make $30 million and its gone now. So I believe that yes she made coins in the 1990’s but it wont Rothchild type coins so those Bravo checks are nothing to shake a stick at.

Itumeleng

Ah, the white man’s religion again :sigh:

When will black people wake up?

Granger

Christianity isn’t the white man’s religion lmao it was in Africa centuries before it went to Europe. Why do people keep saying this?

Glojean ShortStuff Flannagan
Glojean ShortStuff Flannagan

“Study to show thyself approved.” People Christians because they believe and follow Christ.

Ria Pendergrass

Because they heard some other ignoramus say it. When they stand before God on Judgment Day, they won’t be talking that mess. ?

Crimea River

Because it wasn’t “in Africa centuries before it went to Europe”.
Roman Empire ruled over every country in that region before, during, and after Jesus’ life and death. Crucifixion was primarily a Roman custom. There is no way in hell (pun intended) that Christianity came before Jesus who lived under Roman (Caesar’s) rule.
Educate yourself, don’t pass on ignorance. If you read the New Testament, The Roman Empire is all up in there. Pontius Pilate was a Roman.

taylormade1

The Romans may have crucified Jesus but he was not White. You’re just prejudiced

Crimea River

I never said Jesus was white, I never mentioned anything about color. You have no idea what color I am but you call me prejudiced. Against who? And why?

Kinsmankid

White man’s religion. Really?

Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas
Taneesha Culture Clash Thomas

God bless u pastor…the sin was in the act…but the baby is a blessing regardless…no need to sit in judgment for 9 months to please people…as long as you’ve reconciled ur forgiveness with God…you’re good

laolamvaed

ahh no,what is the problem that she is unmarried but has a partner right? becuase if that is the case, she needs a piece of paper to be. in wedlock? or is she promiscuous and don’t know who the baby daddy is? in this case get your behind off that pulpit. lol. this is a non story if she has a committed partner the end.

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