These days my gut protrudes out as far as my ass, and getting jeans over my thighs is a matter of prayer. Welcome to my life, where the snapback is slow and treacherous.

I had a baby in December, and I have two kids already, a four year old and a two year old. They are brilliant. They are beautiful. They drive me fucking insane.

When I am not thanking God that they are at school driving their teachers insane, I am at home. Writing articles for this site, whipping shea butter for this one, running back and forth between my computer and a commercial-sized mixer like a demented pastry chef.

*This* is the world in which my snapback will take place. The twilight zone of ‘3 kids under 5’, the unforgiving land of ‘breastfeeding a newborn’, where showers are an irregular delight and diastasis recti is a regular topic of conversation.

I go on Instagram and see sexy women in sexy neon spandex filming their sexy workouts. Meanwhile I count the steps to and from my kids’ school drop off as cardio, while praying none of the parents notice I’ve been wearing the same outfit for weeks.

There is no meticulous documentation of progress. No cropped ‘before and after’ photos. I use the glimpses of myself in the background of family pictures to see how far I’ve come.

‘Oh Look! In this January photo where my baby is coughing directly into my mouth my thighs look a little heavy. But in *this* March picture where I’m bent over picking up laundry while my kids smile on the couch, my silhouette is slimmer!’

Look, I’m going to lose this weight. I’ve done it twice before. But it won’t be cute. It will be a gradual, frazzled, sweaty affair. If I’m losing an ounce a week, I’m doing good.

My snapback after baby #1. It took me 14 months.

And until then it’s stretch pants. Glorious stretch pants that I pull on first thing in the morning and wear everywhere until the seams give way to the tension of my inner thigh.

It’s laughing throughout all of this, because let’s be honest, it’s pretty damn funny.

It’s refusing to panic, because all these extra jelly ain’t changed the fact that I’m fine.

Black Girl With Long Hair

Leila Noelliste, founder of Black Girl with Long Hair (April 2008). Social media, pop culture and black beauty enthusiast. bell hooks' hair twin...

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16 Comments on "My Snapback Won’t Be Quick, And It Probably Won’t Be Glorious"

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Stacy Harris

THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!!!!! in words FACTS!

Aisha O.

OMG Leila, you’ve got me doubled up in laughter over here!! This whole snapback body thing is a joke and I’m SO over it. They claimed it’ll take me the same amount of time that I carried my boy to lose the weight. Well, he’s turning 9 months next week and the hanging tummy is still, well…hanging. I recently realised I’m actually ok. My body went through the miracle of pregnancy and birth and I have a gorgeous little human to show for it. YES!

Sherry

Potty mouth, no need for those words.

TWA4now

Humor mixed with real life! So true ๐Ÿ™‚

Alex

Never had kids and not planning on any, but this is hilarious to anyone trying to change their body and anyone who knows a parent. That Kermit meme at the end had me rollin’.

Alison

It might not be quick, but it will be glorious just because you did it ๐Ÿ™‚

Brandy

I think you need to stop looking at pictures that may not ever be who you are. I am a mother of two and teach Pilates. I tell my clients stop wanting other bodies…enjoy yours for all you know your potential could be better than those pics.
Itโ€™s not what isnโ€™t, itโ€™s what you wish was that makes unhappiness.โ€ Janis Joplin

Justice Petty

You teach pilates. What about the mothers who don’t teach pilates and who are not into fitness. She never said that she was unhappy.

Jenee\'

As a young woman whose never had a child, I found this article a revealing reminder about the sacrifices mothers give just to birth life. Thanks for the pics and transparency to share. ?

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