Dispatch from Leila’s journal…

10 Things I’m Realizing are Self-Care

1. Telling people to f*ck off when they are draining my energy and giving nothing in return, consistently disrespecting my boundaries or invalidating my feelings. This goes for anyone, from family members to that asshat on Facebook who keeps asking you to explain how Black Lives Matter is different from the KKK.

2. Getting the medically recommended 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night.

3. Perusing Instagram only in measured doses.

4. Eating vegetables and drinking water. Honestly, my body wants and needs them. They do not have to be the only things I eat, but they have to be a decent portion of it.

5. Not judging myself for how I really feel and who I really am. Society is invested in my insecurity because people mired in self-doubt are easier to control. True power comes from self-love.

6. Daring to believe that my ideas are good, and pursuing them on that basis.

7. Trusting my instincts. Trusting my instincts. Trusting my instincts. TRUSTING my INSTINCTS!

8. Celebrating and documenting my physical beauty and the strength and sensuality of my body. Taking selfies (including naked selfies) that no one will ever see. Twerking in the mirror, masturbating at will.

9. Speaking aloud what I want out of life and what my dreams are. Dreaming isn’t just for kids, it’s for everyone.

10. Unplugging from social media and interacting with real people — going to a block party, taking a group class at the gym, dancing at a club, having coffee with a friend, shopping at a local business. Social media can’t ever substitute for human touch and connection.

Black Girl With Long Hair

Leila Noelliste, founder of Black Girl with Long Hair (April 2008). Social media, pop culture and black beauty enthusiast. bell hooks' hair twin...

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18 Comments on "Telling People to F*ck Off and 9 Other Things That are Self-Care"

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Wow, I relate so much to this!


These are all useful tips! My favorite is daring to believe your ideas are good enough. It’s so important to believe in yourself, if you don’t, who will? ?


Black Dharma Montgomery
Black Dharma Montgomery

I like it! It made me feel good when I read this. I also like that this list is in keeping with the choice to change up the things you guys post. I keep coming back either way, especially for the hair articles. Looking at the pics of the hairstyles and fashion choices feel like self-care.

prissy proper ?

love this! they’re all so true and necessary


Love this! It’s definitely a list we all can abide by ??

Guest Writer

This list is sooo good!


I agree with EVERYTHING!!!

Alice Kent

These are some of the things that I myself do especially the first thing. I have no problems with telling people to F___ off. Two of my favorite words. I don’t want your negative energy draining me. Taking care of yourself is so important, and until you love yourself you will never be able to truly love another.


My response— Thank You!

Adelle Williams

Thank you… thank you… thank you…




6+7 Absolutely!! I was on a committee and the leaders never listened to my experience-backed suggestions and opinions. Guess who’s event failed miserably?? I stayed away from those doubters from then on, knowing I could find better “friends.”


YES! This is VERY empowering! I love it.

Barbara Murray

#5 YES!!


Spot on!!!!!


Why dont the comments allow emoji?! My first comment had no question marks


??Yesssss ??????