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No Whining, No Moaning! Taking Responsibility for 4C Natural Hair

• Jun 2, 2011

By Abii A. of www.bidsingraceland.com

I’ve been natural now for nearly 16 months — I big chopped in January 2010. This is my second and final time going natural. My hair is of 4b/c texture and I love it, absolutely love it! I didn’t always, but the further I get into my journey, the love just grows daily. When I style my hair, people ask me “How did you get your hair like that?” and “I didn’t know you would be able to do that with your type of hair”. Sometimes it hurts when people close to me make offensive remarks about my hair but I have to remember that in a way, in my own little social circle, I’m a bit of a revolutionary. No one, and I mean no one, wears their hair natural! And if you do, it’s because you’re mixed race and even then, a weave or a relaxer is preferable. I am just talking about my own little petite social circle, not the world so hold off on any snarky comments ;p

The point of my message is that people need to start taking responsibility for their hair. I’ve realised that a lot of black women just don’t know how to do their own hair, relaxed, natural, texturized whatever, no-one knows. Aside from the people who say they would go natural but for the “bad or “difficult” texture they would have, you also have those who say that they would go natural but they don’t know a stylist that can do their hair. Or worse, people who have gone back to relaxers because either salon maintenance got too expensive (natural tax and all) or they were convinced by the hairdresser to get a relaxer or texturizer or something.

How hard is it to do your own hair? I’ve even seen posts on this site where people have written to say that 4c texture is the most difficult. I’m not going to lie and say when I first went natural, it was a walk in the park, because it wasn’t. The first time I went natural, I wanted my hair to look like Kelis’ and when it didn’t, I succumbed the relaxer a year later in defeat. But I had false expectations of my hair. Now I’m loving the journey of learning new things about my hair. I have realized that my hair is never going to look like Kelis’ without some form of roller or twists or (God forbid!) a curly perm! lol But I’m learning what it can do naturally and with a bit of manipulation. I have to put in the time to learn my hair and time is something that is quite precious to me as I work very long hours at my job. However, I put in the time anyway.

I wish people would stop moaning about their textures or the lack of stylists or whatever and just take the time to learn their hair and take responsibility for their own hair. Once we start doing that, the love will begin to develop and I honestly think we will be happier people. God didn’t make a mistake when he made me with my hair texture. That’s not to say that people who have relaxers or texturizers are rejecting God — no way! I’m just saying that I’ve wanted to be natural for a very long time and I’m not going to let society’s or my own ignorance in respect of my hair texture stop me from achieving my natural goal. I’ve had long healthy relaxed hair and I loved it. Now I’m looking forward to living the rest of my life with long healthy natural hair. (I like long hair, sue me! haha!)

This is something that has been on my mind for a very long time and I just wanted to share it.

Thanks for the honesty, Abii! What are your thoughts ladies? If you have 4c hair, are you guilty of complaining at length (virtually or otherwise) about how difficult it is to manage? And do you think the online natural hair community encourages “kinky hair complainin’ “? (yeh, I just made that up…)

Abii is the author of Bids in Graceland

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156 Comments on "No Whining, No Moaning! Taking Responsibility for 4C Natural Hair"

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vonnie
Guest
i get annoyed with detangling sometimes, but otherwise i don’t complain much about my hair. it’s great showing folks that black girls can have healthy long hair 😀 and with EVERY texture, at that. I have 4a hair and it’s down my back now, this blogger has 4c hair and it’s WAY down her back: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfN8m38mvUI I do think that sooo many more black women need to learn how to care for their hair, relaxed or natural. either learn how to care for it or stop whining and accept whatever it does, but have to pick a side lol. can’t… Read more »
Alisha
Guest

Oh my goodness, I got so excited watching that YouTube video! Her hair looks amazing!

vonnie
Guest

super inspirational right!! i loved that video.

*ps i thought when we put youtube links it shows the video in the comments? let me try diff link

http://youtu.be/HfN8m38mvUI

Alisha
Guest

I might have to bookmark that, Girl! It’s my inspiration now!

sarah
Guest

you have to put in httpv instead of the regular http

Khy
Guest

Thanks for posting her video! I know have a natural hair idol.…someone with the same texture as mine. FINALLY!!!!!

boho.barbie
Guest

I have 4b/c hair and I agree detangling is a pain. Also I could do without the shrinkage but I love my hair and nobody can tell me I don’t have good hair!

Chimmy
Guest

yes shrinkage is a pain, but it’s a Godsend for my head of hair. It helps me fake fullness lol. It’s both nice and annoying at the same time 🙂

luvmylocs
Guest

thanks for posting. i hadn’t checked out her youtube in awhile. her hair is long!

Rhea
Guest
I also love watching kimmaytube on youtube. I know that the most frustration that I have ever had with my hair is when I was trying to make my hair do something it wouldn’t. I wanted to make my hair bone-straight like some of the girls who processed the crap out of their hair at my college. But now that I am using protective styles and keeping my hair moisturized, I love my hair more than ever. I agree that the ignorance that black women have of their hair makes them slaves to the “creamy crack”. I can’t wait until… Read more »
Tikvah
Guest

The woman in the youtube video you posted has beautiful hair, but her profile says that she has 4a/4b (predominantly 4b) hair, not 4c hair. Although, I have 4c hair and I think that properly maintained 4c hair can be very long when stretched.

Tikvah
Guest

OK the reply thread is displaying a bit confusingly…so, just to clarify, I am responding to “Vonnie.”

Lena
Guest

4B & 4C are pretty much the same. 4C doesn’t really exist.

antonia
Guest
i have 4b/4c hair and 2 of my closest friends went natural before me with various textures and extremely thick and fast growing hair. i set the proper expectations for myself and expected the “worst” meaning my hair being the complete opposite of my ideal hair. also in my research of how to care for my hair post BC made me really happy with the decision to go natural for reasons other than the physical appeal. i love big hair, no matter the texture and now 15 months natural i just have to have the patience to get the length… Read more »
nylse
Guest

i believe you are correct in your assessment, however i want to know about your dress — it’s lovely and unique.

vonnie
Guest

i second that! was admiring her dress too lol…so classy and pretty

Gisele
Guest

me too! i got so caught up leaving a comment earlier that I forgot to mention what had attracted me to comment in the first place: the gorgeous girl and lovely dress.

Jc
Guest

Yup can I please ask too about the dress. It is gorgeous!

Cherie
Guest

Haha, I was thinking the same thing!

Chimmy
Guest

ditto, that dress is out of this world gorgeous!

CupOf*T
Guest

U2- I WANT THAT DRESS! Not to detract from the hair comments I agree with that- but the dress is beautiful girll!

Fro
Guest

Well said Abii.

Yolanda
Guest

I love this article. I feel the same way towards my 4B/C hair. Im glad someone else gets it.

Koli
Guest

4c is SOOOO difficult!

Melinda
Guest

I agree. I stopped wearing wigs and weaves just about 2 weeks ago. I haven’t relaxed in 5 years, and I’m discovering my 4c hair for the first time. I have absolutely no idea what to do with it. I’ve done a roller set, twist out, braids, whatever i had to do to get it looking presentable, and everything has failed. I may have to go back to relaxers because this experience is not good. And… I’m okay with complaining; it feels good to vent.

Sha Boogie
Guest

I agree with Abii.. I just BC’d my locs after 11 years and am just now really getting to know my hair! *hangs head in shame* lol. I was washing and double stranding it every week.. but I wasn’t really getting my hands in it and styling because I had that “this is going to be difficult” thought. This week I finally deep-conditioned and have been trying different styles (puff, fro hawk, etc..) and I have to say I’m loving it! What a difference it makes.

luvmylocs
Guest

i can relate. locs can make you lazy on hair care. it’s been 4.5 years since i cut my locs and i’m STILL trying to figure it out.

Sha Boogie
Guest

I now realize just how lazy I was being with my locs! I was going MONTHS between washings, lol. *yuck* Now, I’m actually doing maintenance. The only thing I hate now is that people keep asking me ‘what I’m doing’ as though I can only wear locs ::side eye::

Cassie
Guest

I completely agree with you. People always moan about kinky hair. I have kinky hair, and I find it easy to manage. Maybe I’m blessed with an ability to learn quickly? I don’t know. I never get when people complain about 4b 4c hair. Shrug.

Kris
Guest

I complain about my hair all the time. I see nothing wrong with it. If it’s just hair, people are free to discuss it whatever way they choose, people are free not to listen lol. Everyone takes a different path with her hair, but I’m only concerned about my own. *shrugs*

binks
Guest
Agreed! And one has to remember that complaining or voicing your grievance is NOT always a negative thing as long as the reasons behind them are valid. Think about it, if nobody had any complaints or stayed mum about their hair when they are dissatisfied with their hair journey or how to manage it then blogs, books and youtubes channels wouldn’t be needed. So it is a catch 22. If these mini problems/complaints aren’t stated then how would people ever learn to get to the level of knowing their hair or useful information/techniques gets passed around for your problem? Not… Read more »
Monique, Sofull Sista
Guest
I echo the thoughts of Kris — I don’t see anything wrong with complaining to an extent. Most 4c people complain because we imply that our hair is more difficult, and let’s face it — “difficult” is relative. If I know it takes me 2+ hours to detangle my hair, and I know it takes the other girl with 3c hair 1 hour or less to me — that’s because my hair is more difficult to manage. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it IS more time consuming. Time is precious, and 4c hair requires more time than looser… Read more »
luvs
Guest

co-sign!

Alisha
Guest

I really liked this post, and Abii’s picture is adorable… and I’m so feeling her dress! I LOVE it.

Gisele
Guest
I know this thread is about 4b/c hair but any kinky hair involves more work than the hair of other races and that is my chief complaint to friends and family alike. My hair is a 4a/3c combo of fine strands and even though detangling just involves running water over my hair when loose, I can’t get over how much lifetime I lose (1/2 hour to 1 hour per day) in caring for and moisturizing my hair. Playing with one’s hair is nice enough, but its frustrating knowing you have no real choice but to devote time each day to… Read more »
Kurly Kels
Guest

People do complain about having kinky hair and even let it detour them from going natural! It saddens me to see or hear people talk like that. I totally agree, it is time for us to stop running away from what we really look like and start walking toward what nature intended for us all.

Krys
Guest
I have this type of hair texture and I love it. I don’t wish that I had a different curl pattern. I was excited to see my hair. I’ve loved my hair from the very beginning of my journey. I think I may have approached going “natural” differently than others though. I didn’t have to look very far to see what my hair would potentially look like, I just looked at my brother’s hair, LOL! Very nice read though… My only frustration is with my own lack of creativity. It has nothing to do with my texture but rather my… Read more »
Chimmy
Guest
amen to that, my problem is a combination of creativity and lack of skills. I have learned how to flat twist and how to even put yarn twists in my hair, but I have yet to perfect it. That’s the hardest part. I want my hair to look lovely but I have such a hard time getting it to look neat. My parts are awful and for some reason no matter how close I get to the scalp when installing my yarn twists, they look as if they were done months prior. It really urks me that I try so… Read more »
Krys
Guest

Have you thought about getting doll baby? I’m seriously thinking about finding a doll baby with a texture that resembles mine to practice on.

I lack skills too. Some people are born with that type of skill set. I’m not one of them but I’m determined.

Practice makes perfect! 🙂

Nichole
Guest

I learned how to cornrow on straight-haired barbies so a doll baby of similar texture is a wonderful idea!

Haduko
Guest
Yea I agree. Styling my own hair came natural to me but when I accepted my hair and all it’s gravity defying glory for what it was and equally important, what it wasn’t and styled and cared for it accordingly that was the real turning point. With 4 xyz hair you have to think on your feet when a style goes ary (no curls to fall back on, just being real). But it’s often in the challenges that you see what YOUR hair really can do! Imh the versatility of this texture is second to none. Bottomline for everyone: Learn… Read more »
CurlieGirlie
Guest

LOL @ “gravity defying glory.” People are always shocked that some of my hair grows straight up from the top of my head and straight out at the sides. I just tell them that my hair doesn’t abide by the normal laws of gravity. I love it though!!!!! I can do SOOOOOOOOOOO much more with my hair now that it is natural than I could when it was relaxed. It just took me a while to figure that out. 🙂

Abii
Guest

Couldn’t agree more. It’s those challenges like a special occasion or maybe just work on Monday morning that push you and make you discover what your hair can do!

Becca
Guest

Yes I complain about my hair due to the detangling and shrinkage but I also complained about my hair when I had a perm. I think complaining is apart of life. I thought about going back to a perm so I flat iron instead to see what i would look like. I HATED it. I’ll keep complaining but I won’t be reverting back to a perm.

Chimmy
Guest

amen!

Jc
Guest

Can I add that different people are in different places in their journey. Going natural and then relaxing is such a common theme regardless of hair texture.

I think it is all fine and dandy for me who has 10 years of handling 4abcxyz hair to say it is easy but it is important to encourage those who are finding it difficult and realize that it actually took me 6–8 years to finally understand my hair.

Someone somewhere is visiting this site for the first time.…let them moan and then we help them out with practical hints and tips!

AtEase
Guest

+1

Natalie
Guest

I don’t understand why some women get upset when the obvious is stated. Black women have it MUCH harder in the hair department and I do wonder why we are the only one’s with such difficult hair?

Lulu
Guest

What would be the end point of asking a question like that though?

Kesha
Guest

Natalie, I think it depends on whose standards you are using when you say we have it harder than anyone else. Black women’s hair is hard to wear straight, but that is about the only thing it is difficult to do with our hair. For example, Black women have it easy wearing kinky styles, do you see what I am saying…

Chimmy
Guest
amen to that, there are so many more interesting things we can do with our hair that I look at other races and other hair and say, wow, too bad they don’t have it easy like us lol. I adore the many things our hair can do, often times without the us of heavy styling products. When I watch shows like Jerseylicious or shear genius I just shake my head and the gobs of hairspray that goes into their hair. Or the amount of heat being used. I think it’s hilarious how the jerseylicious girls, when they are not doing… Read more »
CurlieGirlie
Guest
Um…I have non-black friends that spend a good 30 minutes to an hour EVERY DAY on their hair (and that doesn’t include washing and conditioning), while I spend about an hour once a week on my hair. I really don’t have to touch my hair all that often, and wind doesn’t affect me, but my straight haired friends have to carry combs and brushes around with them all the time because they are constantly detangling their hair. I think black women (and all curly haired girls, really) generally have a harder time because: a. we do some really complicated styles… Read more »
Andrea
Guest

I don’t agree with that. Black women are not the only ones that have “difficult” hair. Anyone, Black, White, Asian, whatever race they are, who has curly hair probably has the same complaints as us. Or if their hair is super straight they may complain about not being able to hold a curl or their hair being too limp, stringy or oily. In fact, they may even envy us b/c our hair can be so versatile.

Natalie
Guest
We just have to agree to disagree b/cI have 3 non-black roommates and if they spend more than 30 minutes on their hair then it is to achieve a certain style. For the most part, they wash, brush and go. Me, well it takes me 30 minutes just to detangle 1/2 of my hair. I can never jump in the shower and jump out and go. I would have a tangled, knotted up mess on my head. Let’s not even get into retaining length!! They grow hair effortlessly. Me, well protective styles is the only way for me to have… Read more »
Jo Somebody
Guest
100% agree. Styling is subjective. Yes we may be able to hold twists and things longer, but you don’t really see Chinese girls sad that their twists don’t stay in or White girls bemoaning the fact that they can’t do a cinnabun. Styling is kinda optional, and tbh, I’m lazy. I’ll possibly end up wearing my hair in the same style allll the time (I can see myself being a twists mon-thurs, twistouts fri-sat, every week of the year kinda girl!). What is universal to everyone is washing, moisturising, scalp care and keeping tangles out. None of those is easier… Read more »
Karys
Guest
“if they spend more than 30 minutes on their hair then it is to achieve a certain style For the most part, they wash, brush and go” It’s the same thing with type 4’s! Many of us just don’t want to wear wash and gos. Like Jo said, styling is optional. More time spent is a consequence of that preference. We can detangle like once a week and wear a style with some variation every day that week without extensive styling each morning. The time spent on ends up being around the same or less than someone who spends 30… Read more »
Athena
Guest
“if they spend more than 30 minutes on their hair then it is to achieve a certain style For the most part, they wash, brush and go” “It’s the same thing with type 4?s! Many of us just don’t want to wear wash and gos. Like Jo said, styling is optional. More time spent is a consequence of that preference.” I agree with the first statement because even my little sister (who has type 3c hair when it’s at it’s curliest) doesn’t even have to style it if she doesn’t want to. The curls are big, though tight, and therefore… Read more »
Clara
Guest
You can you just don’t want to. i have been natural all my life and in Africa you just wash and go. i never wore protective styles when i was in school because they where not allowed neither was relaxer. We had to wear our hair in all it’s shrunken glory without any product except for petroleum jelly.…and guess what? There was no problem, today i have more styling options than when i was younger and more product to apply to my hair to make it healthier and softer i still wear my hair in it’s shrunken glory and it… Read more »
Niki
Guest

The real question is not about hair…it’s about where she got that dress from, I need names! And her hair is lovely too:)

Jojo
Guest

LOL i was thinking that same thing!

afrique68
Guest

it’s true, detangling can be a nightmare but my 4b/c hair represents me and makes me unique and i love it!

Abii
Guest
Hi ladies Thanks so much for all your comments. Its totally valid to have a moan from time to time, we all do it at some point, whether its about hair or something else. However, I think there’s a difference between saying you’re having a bad hair day and saying you have “bad hair”. And that’s what I’m getting at with this post. So many ladies have gone natural, having been relaxed for as long as they can remember and don’t know how to look after their hair (natural or relaxed). And their stylist doesn’t either because they generally only… Read more »
nylse
Guest

ok…i dont see the dress on the link.….i want that dress!!!

Abii
Guest

Sorry I just tried that link. Here’s the link to the designer’s website — http://www.catherinedeane.com/

My dress is probably a couple of seasons old now cos I got it at a sample sale in early 2009. But anyone who happens to be around for London Fashion Weekend, there’s usually an Arcangel stall there and their stuff is really beautiful and even better — cheap! ;p

Abii
Guest

Just found the dress — check the Catherine Deane link. In the Archive section — go to Summer 2007 and its the Ariel dress (fifth dress in).

Kesha
Guest

Looks better on you Abii! Work it girl!

Lissie
Guest

I agree the dress looks better on you Abii! Your skin truly glows in that dress & I LOVE the detailing on the lace 3

Abii
Guest

Thanks very much ladies ;p

Jo Somebody
Guest

Agreed! Looks a million times better on you!

julia
Guest

Truly — I couldn’t agree more.

Cosmolude
Guest
I don’t see anything wrong with complaining some of the time, but if someone is complaining all the time about how “difficult” their hair is, maybe they do need to do something else. If relaxing is easier, go back to doing that. Back when I used to get my hair braided, almost everyone who would do it would complain that I had too much hair and that I needed to relax it if I wanted them to braid it. I’d get annoyed because 1)I’m paying them to do it and 2)I didn’t want to get a relaxer (the reason I… Read more »
Tee
Guest

I believe in the freedom of speech whether I like what is being said of or not. Just because one has mastered his/her hair doesn’t mean that someone else on the journey is at the same point. The complaints and concerns bring forth solutions from others who have dealt with the same hair issues.

Jo Somebody
Guest
Calm down love! As far as I can tell, people of every hair type moan about their hair. I’m 4c and learning to take care of it. Once I’ve got the flat twists, the cornrows and other styles down, you can be sure I won’t turn around and start complaining that other people don’t know how to style their hair. If it took you a year to initially give up and then, presumably, many more months to transition back to natural again and learn to love your hair the way it is, I don’t understand why you’d then fail to… Read more »
Melinda
Guest
Thank you for this post. As a “newly natural” with 4c hair, I’m glad someone understands the need to complain sometimes. I’m learning things that I din’t know: shrinkage, knots, frizz, etc. It just feels good to know that I’m not the only one experiencing these problems. I almost hate to say “problems” because embracing my natural hair should not be a problem, and learning to love my 4c hair should come easier. *Sighs*…This journey will be a long one, but sites like this will make it an easier one if I choose to stay natural. I’ve learned so much… Read more »
Jess
Guest

My mother has 4c hair while I have 4a hair and she often describes her has as bad, difficult, and any other connotation you can think of for her hair type. I’m glad someone has vocalized this because she feels alone in this journey with her hair texture because some of the advice that I give her work my my hair, but not so well for her hair type.

Eboni
Guest
YES YES and YES I am definitely guilty of complaining about my 4b/c hair texture! So much so that I almost considered either locking my hair or putting a relaxer in. However yesterday I put in a bunch of finger-coils in my hair only using water and Argan Oil, and this is the BEST finger-coil-out I’ve ever had! I’ve been natural for a year and I’m JUST NOW learning what works and what doesn’t. Trial and error.…so I agree when she says that some women don’t know how to do their hair yet cus that’s how I was until now,… Read more »
luvmylocs
Guest
this was a good post!! i think every hair texture has some advantages and disadvantages. we may have to spend a good amount of time on our hair at one time but then our hairstyles can last days whereas women with other hair textures don’t always have that luxury. our hair while fragile conveys power and strength and even when our hair is fine it’s still pretty full whereas some women with other hair textures are constantly seeking volume for limp strands. it’s not a knock on anyone but every texture can be “good” or “bad” depending on how you… Read more »
nubiahbella
Guest

Clap, clap, clap!!!

mangomadness
Guest

I agree with this post 110%. Instead of complaining about your texture and the “difficulty” of caring for it you should take the time to learn your hair. If you don’t like it, find a way to work with it or change it. Don’t complain endlessly. I am not a fan of pity parties. They serve no purpose but to distract you from tyhat wich might actually aid in solving the problem/issue at hand.

ScrewyHair
Guest
Thank you for this post, Abii! I’m a 4c/d and, yes, I wanted the curly perm too, LOL! Talk about unrealistic expectations. I’ve gotten texturized 3 times in my almost 12 natural years trying for the 3a look, blow-dry-killed it, hidden under weaves/braids/cornrows without caring for my own underneath, let the salon tear chunks out by not knowing how to treat it, and just plain perpetuated a gargantuan amount of foolishness against my hair. It’s truly amazing that my hair didn’t just close up shop and quit growing. Until this year, I didn’t think that I could take care of… Read more »
ScrewyHair
Guest

Goodness, how could I forget: gorgeous hair and dress, Abii!

Abii
Guest
Thank you very much Screwy Hair. I’m Nigerian as well, and people always have something to say, usually along the lines of “When are you going to do your hair?” lol! I think they’ve just about given up convincing me my hair is not “done”. Thanks so much to everyone who read and commented. I apologise if anyone felt belittled or berated, as that was definitely not my intention. We all have to support each other on our natural journeys, sharing knowledge on places like this awesome site, but we also have to be willing to put in the time… Read more »
Jo Somebody
Guest

I’m also Nigerian (well, by heritage, I’m British too) and have a wedding at the end of July. I KNOW I’m going to hear all sorts of things. Ah well! 😛

Raven
Guest
I don’t mean to take away from this article as there are some good points about learning to care for one’s hair, but what the hell is 4c hair? I may be biased in my opinion, because I don’t believe in hair typing, but I feel like it’s the new way of saying “My hair is difficult”. I have seen people with what would be called the 3c/4a range of hair, call their hair 4c because they think it’s sooo difficult to manage. Hair that is perceived to be difficult is almost automatically designated to being “4c hair”. I think… Read more »
ScrewyHair
Guest
Hey, Raven, I have a different perspective: You’re right in that our hair can be viewed as too difficult; I shared that point of view for years, even after going natural. But I still describe my hair as 4c/d/f 🙂 It’s not because my hair’s “difficult”; it’s because in looking at all the hair that’s typically classified as 4a or 4b, about 99% of it bears no resemblance to my curl/coil pattern. I’ve even seen a youtuber I admire classify a Caucasian woman’s curly hair as type 4, but I’m Nigerian and my coils are a lot tighter than, say,… Read more »
Abii
Guest
Raven Good point. I class my hair as 4b/c because some bits vaguely resemble 4b hair (or what is depicted as 4b hair) and the rest of my head is a lot more tightly coiled so I don’t think its completely accurate to just describe it as 4b. There’s nothing wrong with 4c and I definitely don’t categorise my hair as difficult but when I look at a lot of ytubers vids and their hair which they describe as 4a or b, my hair looks nothing like theirs and I would want to deceive myself into believing I have a… Read more »
AtEase
Guest
+1 For a while I called my hair 4c because like Abii and Screwyhair I have tight, tight, coils than I haven’t seen on anyone classified as a 4 a/b. I truly love my hair and I think I just need to learn more about it and be realistic about what it can and can’t do, I don’t call it 4c as some way to get other naturals to pity poor me with the so called “difficult” texture. I think complaining and moaning will be part of it, but being online and seeing some pictures of people with tight coils,… Read more »
Libby
Guest
I have to agree with this post! Well stated. I am 4b/4c and on my second natural hair journey. I was one that relaxed after 10 years of being natural for a lack of styling options at that time and stylists who convinced me that flat-ironing was only possible for certain textured hair. I relaxed and hated it. My hair looked great, but my scalp was a chemically burned mess. Now that that short phase is over and done with and I’m 1 1/2 years happily natural again, I can say that the emotional journey has been that much sweeter.… Read more »
Jess
Guest

Umm, does anyone else haer a baby babbling on this site? Is it my computer?

K. Lynn
Guest

LOL you are not alone!! I heard it the other day and when I clicked the x the baby laughing went away.

Jess
Guest

Girl, I thought I was losing it yesterday!

anna
Guest
I have 4c/b hair and even when I was relaxed I knew how my hair was or would be : thick and kinky. I expected it to be a bit hard but I didn’t put to much effort, because just like you abii, after 1year being natural I did a curl because I was obssessed with this curly hally berry/kelis look. Instead of learning how my hair was working i was mutilated them with this mofu*ing jerrycurl! now I get it and I’m proud to say that everyday with my hair ùmakes the relation even more spécial (lol seems like… Read more »
CupOf*T
Guest
Oh i made a comment about the dress but about the hair — when I was younger I used to complain about my feet, my mother would tell me, “think of all the people that don’t have feet”. (point of this you ask?) Well whenever i get annoyed by my hair, i think of all the women who don’t have hair, due to a disease (cancer treatments, alopecia) and then I am thankful that it grows on my head. I love my hair, sometimes we just need to accept what we have and be thankful for our texture because that’s… Read more »
luvmylocs
Guest

knowing a handful of women who have gone through having cancer including one who is bald right now going through treatments this post expresses exactly how i feel.

serenissima
Guest
This definitely was an excellent post and I get what the author means, kind of like a ‘don’t knock it til you try it’ approach… It’s easy to look at 4c hair and automatically describe it as ‘bad’ or ‘difficult,’ but I try to think of my hair the same way I would math or a musical instrument. Of course, some people will naturally have talent, but, 90% of the time you have to work at it. There’s nothing wrong with a little whining along the way (we all do it lol) but bemoaning how your 4c hair is so… Read more »
Kara
Guest

I really like the way you explained that! I totally agree!

January Girl
Guest

At the end of the day, everybody complains about something about themselves! Whether it’s their thighs, or their gut or the nose or their damned hair! It happens.
I think the emphasis though should at the end of the day, you are not your hair #IndiaAriePreach!
There’s more to you than your 4c texture or your brown skin, heck even your smile. Complaining about it is not going to change shit 😛
You just got to LEARN IT, LIVE IT, LOVE IT! #peace

KryswithKinks
Guest
I definitely had to learn to love my 4c hair. I had the same false expectations of my natural hair as did the beautiful sister that shared her thoughts with us. I must admit that although I am almost 4 years into my journey I have to keep myself encouraged when it comes to my texture. I do admire (I’ve changed my language, I use to envy) those “easier” textures for the simple fact of maintenance. All in all, I have come to accept Me and all that comes with Me 🙂 I’ve begun to look at my hair as… Read more »
Kai
Guest
You deserve the spotlight more than any natural today. By this I mean that the hype of being natural, though becoming more prominent, has lost its shock value; at least for “curly” girls.The 4C natural must now more than ever truly come to the forefront of the social, stylist, trending, familial, college, workforce, everyday life scene! I remember when I went natural only a year ago, I felt as if I was doing something inspirational. Not a month after my last perm did it transform seemingly into a trend. I started to see naturals everywhere. My mother began to say… Read more »
Justine
Guest

Okay so I’m confused, I could never really get a handle on the hair typing system and now y’all are adding all these letters into the mix. What exactly is the difference between 4b or 4c hair, is it just tighter, is it coarser?

Hyspin
Guest

Okay agree I don’t get it either last time I review the original system it stopped at 4b this 4c is confusing. If anyone explain the differences between this 4 a, b, & c. It would also help if some could show photos of what these hair types look like, something that shows the physical differences. Cause I am confused? I think I am a 4a in general, but based on the picture post of 4b/c hair I it looks identical.

Tricia
Guest

Honestly I think that I am allowed to complain about my 4c hair because it is Mine. I understand the point being made but I may not be at your level of thinking or have a gr8 support system so let me be!!!

Hyspin
Guest

Well as the saying goes “The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Grease”
If you don’t say something then no one will no to help.

Hyspin
Guest

Correction on the last “no” = know

dove
Guest

Speaking of 4c. I am no ones number 4 and lowest letter of that so called class c. I am a number 1A. From now on I proclaim that the kinkiest, tightly coiled hair is 1A and the most european textured hair is 4C. Why are so called 4C black woman allowing this passive agressive insult. Andre, Oprah’s stylist who assigned the lowest number and letter to the most tightly coiled hair can kiss my black gray, nappy, asshole.

African Curlz
Guest

This is a great post and I am just discovering it today. Here in sub-sahara africa, I believe most “modern” women don’t go natural because of the difficulty in managing 4c hair. But I dont think it is an excuse. There are so many inspirational videos and blogs about kinky hair that I think it is just a matter of will and determination. For Gosh sake there are even natural homemade “relaxers” that can help loosen your curl pattern and style your hair more “easily“if one lacks inspiration or skills. Let’s educate ourselves and embrace our very unique hair type.

4Cify
Guest

This is a great post. I started my site, 4cify.com, to focus on those with the tightest curls. Our hair is the most unique of all and we have to stop embracing other’s beauty more than our own. Let’s stop neglecting our own unique hair care needs.
[img]http://blackgirllonghair.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/4cifylogo5colors.jpg[/img]

Shari
Guest
I guess I kind of did a BC, my hair dresser left some straight in the front. I love the way my hair feels but hate the way it looks. It has been about 3 weeks and I am convinced more hair is falling out then growing. My boyfriend is trying to be supportive but I don’t know how to style my hair so 90% of the time it is not even presentable enough to leave the house. My hair has always been short and thin and in braids. This is my second time doing a BC but with forums… Read more »
Jack
Guest
This site is a great resource. Major tips every natural should remember: 1. Moisturize Go for all natural butters, oils, and aloe vera gel. (try Shea butter, coconut oil, vegetable glycerin, aloe vera gel. Opt for the main ingredients instead or products that boast about those ingredients and somilar ones when they barely put them in products. A lot of times they use chemicals to make up the bulk of their ingredients. You can opt for all natural or organic products, but they can be more expensive. 2. Use a wide tooth comb or finger detangle. Using your fingers is… Read more »
aleisha
Guest

I’m not going to lie, i have a problem. when i see fellow naturals on tv and in ads, i get curl envy. But now that my hair is getting longer, i’m learning that my hair is a whole lot of crazy.…just like me lol. I do love my hair, it has given a huge since of pride and love for myself. Soooo thank you my wonderful friend who told me to ‘just do it’. Going natural was the best thing i’ve done for myself.

Ebony
Guest
I have been natural for 7 months now. Before I went natural, I had so many people tell me that it would be to hard for me to manages my thick 4c hair. They would say, “your gonna have that ni%*a hair not good hair”. These people really had me questioning my own decision but, being the rebel that I am, I decide to do the big chop myself. Needless to say, I absolutely love my natural hair. I have never felt so bold, strong, & BEAUTIFUL! I feel so liberated! Now those same people are asking me to help… Read more »
Ty
Guest

I love my hair, but it has been a hassle

miah
Guest
Well i have 4b with a bit of hair 4a i think..and it is long, and it is hard to manage. Im not gonna lie. In fact i mostly do my hair in braids or twist because it is difficult. I like curly natural hair. Im not gonna lie..but it is difficult. And i can understand why some women relax their hair(i dont relax) but i understand. Because the hair products for black hair is expensive plus they are harder to find. I have done research and figured cheaper ways to maintain my natural hair. But as i said..it is… Read more »
Tiara
Guest
I love my hair.. It’s the healthiest it’s been and easier to manage then before. I didn’t big chop but did a series of small to medium chops as I transitioned. I wish my curls would behave more but I still love them as kinky as they are! I’m glad you wrote this… I am guilty of compliaing about length, especially when it shrinks so much. I know it was a bit discouraging when a lot of the hairstyles and blogs were with people with a different texture. The hardest part about going natural we’re the responses. I’ve had people… Read more »
dee
Guest
Amen sister! I think most people wanted kellis hair because thats the only form of natural hair we have seen on tv for a long time. This is why i love this blog b/c you see all textures especially 4bc featured. I am 4A and ashamed to admit that when my texture came out this way i was soo relieved because i didnt want to take on the challenges of being 4bc, my sis has this texture and i seen how frustrating it was finding products that didnt just sit on her hair while my 4a hair loved most things.… Read more »
Jaian
Guest
I spend almost an hour at each attempt to wash my kinky 4c hair, another 4 hours trying to detangle it after washing, and sometimes another 3 to 4 hours trying to comb it in a style, usually cornrows. I also spend hours searching through the internet to find ways and products to help care for my natural hair and days trying to find those products in a beauty store to test on my hair. Most of the product such as the Kinky Curly brand I still have not located and I’ve been searching for them for months. I have… Read more »
jas
Guest

Jaian: Okay, first of all. Ordering offline is gonna become your best friend as a natural.
curlmart.com they have every product you need practically.
Your hair is not “unpopular”. There’s a whole continent full of people with 4c hair.
Do you think god told straight hair people how to do their hair? They figured it out the same way humans figure out anything.
You have the ability to do your hair, trust me. Thousands of women do it. If you can work your fingers through your thick, kinky LOVELY hair and mange cornrows, you can manage anything else.

annnsow
Guest
Hello, I totally understand how you feel, this was me 3 years ago. Also, I completely agree with you : this article is discouraging. The more you’ll do it (wash, detangle, style), with proper advises, the less time you’ll spend doing it. Last week end I spent 1h30 washing and detangling my hair, and 1h30 the next day for the cornrows. Here are a few advises : — when detangling, do it in parts. Do it while it’s wet, after you put some oil + conditionner. You’ll reduce your time little by little. For exemple, take a part of your… Read more »
cc
Guest
Thaaaaank youuuuuuu! I am glad you brought it to folks attention, the only reason people have issues with a 4c type hair is because they have no obvious role models. Most don’t know what the possibilities are with their hair type because they only see the half straight/slick/flatout hair of people chosen for mags, tv, etc…But when you take the time to explore and when those of us who have thie type stop using others as role models and create our own unique styles based on the unique strength and abilities of our hair.Our hair is for the true artist… Read more »
tammy
Guest

I’m really confused about my hair. I’ve been natural for about 8 months and have really seen the growth (my hair now touches my shoulder). I’ve gotten really good at keeping it moisturized and soft, but styling is a bit harder. After wash days, a twist out or braid out will last for 2–3 days, but twist outs on dry hair always comes out “poofy”. It looks like I blow dried it, which I didn’t. Any explanations? Thanks!

tw
Guest
Wow so many comment, this is a popular topic! LOL. Like tiara Jan 7. comment, I grew my hair out and had my stylist chop a little at a time. I don’t know if this was the best decision or not because now I’m fully natural and don’t know what in the heck to do with my hair. If I had big chopped maybe I would have learned along the way. oh well… I have bottom of the ear length when pressed out and a super thick but short afro when dry natural… the kind you can’t get a comb… Read more »
jas
Guest
[img]http://blackgirllonghair.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/image-22.jpg[/img] I’ve been natural for I guess 3–4 years or so. I say I guess because I didn’t go through the traditional bc after years of relaxer, I was actually just a press and curl girl who slowly began to say bye bye to the hot comb and flat iron. Since I didn’t bc I had a lot of thick 4a/4b/4c ( i have alot of textures on my head) hair to deal with from the start and it was not the easiest, but it’s the only natural hair I’ve known so I just take the journey as it comes.… Read more »
cacey
Guest
i find this interesting because for several years after i discovered the flat iron, all i did was wear my hair bone straight. prior to that discovery i never allowed my hair to air dry naturally- i only blow dried it once it got long enough to style in that way. so i didn’t have much experience working with my hair sans heat of some form, until about 2012, which was the year of new natural hair experiences. I’d been natural for most of my life, but i still didn’t really know my hair. it’s funny, really. reading this makes… Read more »
Abii A
Guest

Wow! I’m the original poster and I just updated and reposted this topic on my new blog. It’s definitely a topic that resonates with a lot of people. Our hair should be celebrated, and not just one type but all the various types and textures.

Please check out the blog when you get the chance xx

Abii A
Guest

Sorry new blog is http://www.bidsingraceland.com x

Naomi
Guest
I have really thick hair, it must be a 4c I would say. I love this post, it makes me feel better about my hair. I am mixed race, half caribbean/british, but I live in Oxford, England. I used to find it so difficult to manage my hair, but over the past 3 years I have given it a chance and allowed my hair to be natural, and its pretty damn huge. I’m not saying its easy though, every night I condition my hair and put it into small plaits or twists so that it doesn’t dry out, but it… Read more »
gracie
Guest
I’m absolutely floored when reading this. My heart breaks a little bit. Why do we have to try and label our hair with this nonsense. It’s HAIR for the love of God. Guess what if you don’t comb it, most hair types will look just like what there are, unkept. We need to learn the skills that WE need to make our hair manageable. Caucasins have problems with styling and managing their hair so MOST of the time they just let it hang. The ones with hair looking like rock stars are usually just that rock stars. The celebs we… Read more »
Alesha
Guest
I love my hair… I’m 4b/4c over most of my head (I do believe… I’m still in my first leg of being natural. I’m about 7 months along now) and LOVE my hair. I only wish it was longer so I can do more. But I find that in my opinion, my hair isn’t that hard to manage. Maybe it’s because I know that if I slick it up with a cheapo condish and don’t try to be in denial and face it otherwise, the comb will go through like butter. I’ve found ways to deal with my hair… Sometimes… Read more »
mimi
Guest

Great article. I have been “natural” mostly all my life always loved my 4 hair. I never realised was such a big deal what texture we have until this huge wave of “naturals”. I think all curly tops 😉 are beautiful. It is all about loving ones self and being happy. I wish every person meeting their hair for the first, second, or third time the best of luck. Thank you all for sharing.

mimi
Guest

Oh yes and being healthy ladies! 🙂

Balsa
Guest
I have 4c hair. I’m almost fully natural and trim the rough ends myself. My hair doesnt feel half as coarse as it used to be when i was smaller. My mother and hairdressers just did not know how to take care of my type of hair. These last few months i have found it really isnt that bad. But patience is key or i’ll rip my hair out. I Wen i wash myhair i oil it while wet and then patiently detangle with a wide tooth comb. It works wonders as my hair absorbs the water and oils. I… Read more »
shay
Guest
I have 4c hair all around (maybe a lil 4b in the back)and Im in love with my hair. Just the other day I was with my aunt who finally showed off her new wig she ordered, which just happened to be a afro (the very length and hair type of my hair)! Seeing that made me love my hair even more than I already do!People are actually paying for hair that God blessed me with??lol!! Despite my days where me and my hair go to battle I love it! I constantly have ppl come up and ask me about… Read more »
Kay
Guest
This article was everything I have felt and wanted to say. I did a Brittney Spears melt down shave and cried. My friend kept telling me to own it. After a month I decided to do some research and watch some videos to learn what the hell to do. In my Jamaican culture my hair isn’t considered “good hair”. My mother n I always end up in arguments about this phrase. It’s hard trying to own it when you hear a lot of negative comments. What is making my year and a half journey possible is my boyfriend. He loves… Read more »
Nikita Mitchell
Guest
Hi everyone.. I have been natural for about 5 months now. When I first began, I was so discouraged…because of the texture of my hair. My entire adult life, I have been an eat, sleep, everything weave type of girl. However, with everyday that passed, I began to love my hair. My hair is super thick and growing up, my hair was always referred to as “nappy” or hard to manage. During my second month in my natural state, I did a Google search on “how to manage 4c natural hair.” This is the forum that I found the most… Read more »
Nikita Mitchell
Guest

I love my 4C NATURAL hair!

Lawuan
Guest
I know exactly what you mean. I constantly have a love hate relationship with my natural 4c hair. I’ve been natural for over two and a half years and involuntarily been big chopped twice. Both time was due to a barber cutting my hair instead of trimming the 1/4 to 1/2 inch spilt ends. I haven’t been too a barber since the last incident back in February of 2012 during Black History month no less how ironic! As my hair grows it tends to change it preference of products. What use to work on my shorter hair don’t work on… Read more »
Jesse
Guest

You have gorgeous hair and… GIVE ME THOSE CHEEK BONES!! Don’t worry about the negative comments from your peers. Derive confidence from yourself.

Lawuan
Guest

Thanks for the lovely compliment and motivational advice Jesse.

moeshawn
Guest

I know this might sound bad but I honestly HATE my 4c hair. I’ve always like long curly hair but my hair is rough and it grows out and not down and that’s the part I hate!!! I would love my hair if it would hang and not grow out!

Anita
Guest

@Moeshawn, I recommend reading/watching about other people with 4c hair as they can be a great sense of inspiration, motivation and help you realise that your hair is as beautiful as any other type hair. I always Liked my natural 4c hair after the big chop. But I did not Love my natural hair UNTIL after three years being natural.

Gitty
Guest

I know I’m late but moeshawn, all our hair grows up and out.That’s how it is.When Afro curled hair reaches a certain length, it’s not able to stand up anymore unless you use hair spray to make it stand up.

bee
Guest

oh, uhm, actually, dont worry about the hair standing up, as time goes by and given youre taking care and treating your hair well, it will grow. as it grows, gravity will have it’s way and your hair will start to hang. but it wont happen over night. patience is always necessary 🙂 but dont worry, just love your hair and it will love you back. trust me

trackback

[…] all This was a post I submitted to the Black Girl Long Hair website some time ago (http://blackgirllonghair.com/2011/06/no-whining-no-moaning-taking-responsibility-for-4c-hair/) and I’ve since updated it and thought to repost it here. So here goes. I’ve been […]

Araina
Guest

I have 4C hair and I go through mix emotions. I have been natural since 2011. There are days I hate my hair because it is so tight and coil and feel that God has punished me some how. I keep it moisturized but as you stated in the article I take responsibility for my hair and learn about my hair.

Monique Needham
Guest

I am on the same exact journey and probably about a year behind you Abi! But I love it more and more each day. Keep at it and will be right here supporting you journey! Share you blog please. 🙂

Abii A
Guest

Thank you Monique! My blog is at http://www.bidsingraceland.com — check it out guys! Xx

Dani
Guest

Love the article. I have 4c hair and yes I find it unmanageable sometimes especially as it’s still pretty short. I’ve however FINALLY learned how to do flat twists (yay me! lol) and I find that this is a much healthier way to keep my hair stretched and therefore easier to handle. My hair DETESTS heat, no blow-drying/ flat-ironing for me.
[img]http://blackgirllonghair.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/photo_00054.jpg[/img]
[img]http://blackgirllonghair.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/photo_00066.jpg[/img]

Araina
Guest
The article entitled No Whining, No Moaning! Taking Responsibility for 4C Natural Hair was a gut wrenching title for me to read because I have the dreaded 4C hair. My hair grows out instead of downwards. Parts of me would have preferred that I was blessed with anything under 4C because 4C breaks easily and tends to be more coily. I have been natural since possibly 2011 and it’s been an okay journey. I had a relaxer when I was a pre teen so I guess this is still a coming of age for me when it comes to my… Read more »
Tammy
Guest

I think no matter what hair type you have you will always run into a bad hair day lol but that’s not a reason to hate your hair. I know from experience 4c hair can be a struggle but once you get the hang of how you are supposed to treat it it will eventually grow and retain moisture! Lol it is a wonderful feeling

Araina
Guest

@Tammy thank you for the encouragement. I hope to be well experienced with my hair by the five year mark and I hope that by then my opinion of my hair and its tight coil texture will be of a more positive one.

Tammy
Guest

[img]http://blackgirllonghair.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/image-9.jpg[/img]

trackback

[…] was a post I submitted to the Black Girl Long Hair website some time ago (http://blackgirllonghair.com/2011/06/no-whining-no-moaning-taking-responsibility-for-4c-hair/) and I’ve since updated it and thought to repost it here. So here goes. I’ve been […]

Ballerina
Guest
I feel all of your pain! But it’s worth the struggle to come to a place of self acceptance. It’s only then can you truly be at peace with yourself. I have thick, strong 4B/C hair with literally 3 coils of 4A in the centre of my head. I used to ping these tiny springs back and forth and wish and wish my whole head was like that. But it’s not. And that’s ok. When I first big chopped I used to pray my hair grew out thick so I could have a big Afro. Now it’s so thick but… Read more »
Kenitra
Guest

My oldest daughter has what seems to be 4a/b & c hair, and we have had some battle royal-es during her 10 years. I have 3b/c hair and so do my two other daughters, so wrangling my eldest’s SUPER THICK armpit length hair has been quite a learning experience. But I’m so glad I never gave in an relaxed her hair like so many moms have. I am confident that she loves the texture of her hair and frequently asked to wear it stretched and loose.
[img]http://blackgirllonghair.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/2013–10-30_07-35–23_347-1.jpg[/img]
[img]http://blackgirllonghair.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/2013–11-09_12-34–38_456.jpg[/img]

Mia
Guest
I’m mixed race. I have 4c hair (very dense but with medium thickness strands). My hair doesn’t curl. I can’t get away with wearing my hair in braids or ‘twists’. The only options I have is a weave or to wear my hair in a bun every day. The bad thing is that I get judged for it. If I was to wear my hair natural I would get disapproving looks like I wash my hair. I can’t do anything fully black people do to their hair because it makes it greasy. God definitely made a mistake with my hair… Read more »
Tina
Guest

What about just blow dry and flat ironing it? The only time I wear my hair in a wet and go is when I am letting it air dry in an nice updo, so that when it’s dry, I can blow dry and fly iron it in less than 30 minutes. It always looks so healthy and smooth this way. Try it.

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