Skip to main content

Dating Interracially While Natural

• Aug 15, 2013

interracial-couple2-470-wplok

Why are you walking so fast, babe? It’s just rain.”

Oh, just hush & come on!”

Is this a black girl hair thing?”

Yes. Yes, it was. There have been many times in my life, mostly as I’m fleeing from water & mostly with people who call me “babe,” when and for whom I’ve been called upon to clarify whether something is a black girl hair thing.

Interracial dating, you see, isn’t my novelty so much as my norm. There’s been only just enough of an assortment over the years to distract me from the very obvious truth of my very obvious “type.” It wasn’t until a roommate once pointed out that a rebound bore a striking resemblance to my previous beau that it at last occurred to me nearly every serious boyfriend I’ve had since the age of majority could be hauled in under the same all-points bulletin. Early to Mid-Thirties. Tall. Lean. Shaved Head. White Male.

And while there are there are a litany of hot buttons on which people will expound when confronting the intersection of dating & race, for me, the Rubicon of the black girl-white boy relationship has always been as simple as broaching the subject of my hair. From the one-month wonders to the loves of my life, when it comes to dating, I’ve frequently had to contend with white boys’ unfamiliarity, appreciation, frustration, and fascination with my ‘do. It’s a love-hate relationship that I have with the relationship the men I like and love have with my hair. Say that ten times fast.

There are always those early first few sleepovers during which I’ll forgo wrapping my hair at bedtime so that I might achieve the ludicrous goal of looking pretty in my sleep.  I neatly splay the scarf over the pillow, only to have it balled up somewhere under the sheets by dawn, & discreetly reposition it in time for morning pillow talk. Soon enough, they’d get around to noticing this little dance, inquiring after its purpose, & listening rapt to my explanation regarding the varying moisture retentions of cotton & silk.

I’m actually supposed to wrap my hair with it,” I say. “It gets damaged when I don’t.”  My tone is inevitably half sheepish confession and half accusation, as though I acknowledge the silliness but have chosen to lay its partial responsibility at his feet.

Oh,” he’d shrug in reply. “Then why didn’t you?”

Other thresholds will come, and other questions with them. Why can’t he run his fingers through it while we cuddle? Why don’t I ever want to make love in the shower? I would hear them all as though he were impugning me for denying him life’s myriad sensual pleasures by way of my high maintenance.

I felt it wise, at times, to judge men by their judgment of my hair. It’s not exactly a bad yardstick either. There were those who did wield it as a weapon to wound. The sound of a paddle brush stroking through weft hair was of a particular annoyance to one unfortunately long-lasting partner, a fact he was fond of spitting forth in his surlier moments. But the most part, they were, at worst, entirely less concerned than I gave them credit for and, at best, the most reliable source of encouragement for which I could ever ask.

There was a distinctly, devilishly awestruck “wow” elicited from a former flame on first sight of my newly natural hair that let me know, in no uncertain terms, I had made the right choice. And long before I began my transition, long after I’d all-but-forgotten it was even there, it was my beaus who’d express their desire to see my natural hair. “Why don’t you wear it like that? I bet it’s beautiful,” they’d say, & still I’d find a way to get defensive or to tell them they were in the wrong.

Why did their simple curiosity put me so on edge? Why did I react as though there were four hundred years of history in our bedroom when it was really two lovers learning about one another minds & bodies. What could be sweeter?

I found the more confident I felt in my own skin, less intrusive those questions felt. The comfort level I need to attend to is not theirs, but my own. They’re already my biggest fans.

Kischa Ford is a writer in New York.

Best Sellers

Leave a Reply

204 Comments on "Dating Interracially While Natural"

Notify of
avatar
aree
Guest

Here we go again…
Exits, stage left.

Tell the truth
Guest

Ikr. Nothing wrong with IRR but I swear its like some of these women want cookies for being with a non-black man. Going out of their way to let everyone know their with said non black man.

We get it! Great for you that you found someone. Now please feel free to parade your white, latin, or whatever man around with all the other proud non black women dating men.

ZR
Guest

So what is your issue? You claim to have no problem with interracial relationships but have a knee jerk reaction that Kischa wants cookies? She isn’t “going out of her way” or bragging that she has someone — just telling her story. Should black women who have interracial relationships just sit in the corner and shut up?

Amy
Guest

Well would you like? A parade lol
Or a national interracial dating month where you can all address the world how you found love with your non black SO lol

No one asked interracial daters to go anywhere, but I swear most of you jump at the chance to throw in what race your SO is, acting like you all purchased a million dollar purse.

Nkeon
Guest

I’ve noticed that whenever a black man or woman talks about their white-counterpart they are instantly accused of bragging. Most of the time the tone is no different from how black people dating within their race talk about their partners. There is plenty of talk on the attitudes of black men towards natural hair and less fuss.

I think the truth is that people make too big a deal out of interracial relationships/people and the perspective that something like this is bragging stems from that.

'Quel
Guest
I think what ‘Tell the Truth’ was trying to say was that even on other topics, when somebody who’s in an IRR makes a comment about something, it’s like they always say something like, “well, my boyfried who happens to be white, loves my hair and actually got mad when I wanted to put a sew-in in my head.” And it’s like, um, havin a non-black man ain’t nothing. Literally ANYBODY can get one. So, why are you bringing it up like it’s something that everybody out there tryna get? I was engaged to a Korean man once, but he… Read more »
Lol
Guest

Heeheee, just from the title I knew the sista soldiers would lock-step in here foaming at the mouth. lol why don’t you soldiers just hush and let this woman “brag” and “convert” others thereby leaving more awesome black guys for yourselves? Wink. Wink.

Nappy 4C Rocks
Guest

lol

HotTwa
Guest

Who would thumbs this down? Have you all not seen the comments? Posts like these never end well.

Tabatha
Guest
I date interracially all the time and they always love my hair. They always ask if they can touch or pull my hair during intimate moments and I always laugh and say “Of Course”. The one thing that they never understood was why I would wrap a scarf around my hair at night. I didn’t mind the questions cause it was them getting to know me and it was nice. I’ve dated mostly white and latinos myself. Its not that I don’t like black men, but the never approach me correctly. I finally married my husband he is half white… Read more »
Tabatha
Guest

I meant to say dated not date cause I’m married now, lol oops.

taylor
Guest

Wow, generalizing black men i see??? Youre a disgrace. Im so threw with some of these women on this site.…

Princess C
Guest

Tell me about it

nicole
Guest

threw is the past tense of the verb throw. It is therefore impossible to say that you are threw with a website. Though I think you meant through, as in finished, you could have also meant thrown, the participle of the aforementioned verb which can sometimes be used to mean amazed.

Good night simple one.

Valerie
Guest

Alright now!

TINA SMITH
Guest

SAVE THE GRAMMAR LESSON

taylor
Guest

Oh boo-hoo!!!! I made a minor grammar mistake! So what? Who doesnt? You guys on that one particular thing to insult me. Try again. Just imagine if that poster was a guy and said “black women never approach me correctly and when they do they always speak in slang” I guarantee all hell wouldve broke loose!!!! Black women can be so hypocritical!!!

just sayin'
Guest

…the word is still ‘through’…

The Poster Girl_Shar
Guest

Judgmental much? How do you call someone a disgrace and you can’t even spell or use the word “through” in the correct context? You don’t even know this woman, yet you call her names while hiding behind your computer. That is what is pitiful. The negativity comes from that. Let people live and tell their stories without the judgement because its unnecessary. If you can’t relate, learn to empathize.

cacey
Guest
clearly she’s speaking from her experience. when i lived in atlanta, i lived on the south side, and this was true of my experience as well- if you’re familiar with college park, west end area. most if not all of the black men that approached me usually came at me with some slang of that sort. now granted, i’m married to a black man, and his approach was entirely different. but then again, he wasn’t from the south side of atlanta, either lol and that’s not to say that all black men from the area of town i grew up… Read more »
'Quel
Guest

Girl, stop. You SOUND like you wish you were white or something. “Girl, whatchyo name be?” Now, you know aint no black man talkin like that to anybody. I don’t give a f where they’re from. That’s some early 90’s Jamie Foxx from ‘In Living Color’ skit type of shit right there. It’s quite obvious you hadn’t actually dated a black man in a looooooong time. LOL

Kiki
Guest

I love my Black men…but I also date interracially. Sorry to say, but there are still Black men out there who speak like that, a lot of them. They don’t have to be in your immediate circle, but you will see them at the local gas station, corner store, grocery store, etc.

Not all Black men are like this, just like not all Black women are bitter, but yet Black women get the bitter label and I hear it from our men the most, if not only!

Cece Danielle
Guest

Loved the article. Well written.

BurtReynolds
Guest

This is awesome!!! Kischa, you are the best! Great job.

Bella
Guest
I’m not a huge fan of Ford’s writing style. It reads like a girly diary to me. The last paragraph is really all that needs to be read. Natural hair in an interracial relationship is not a big deal. And no, it’s not a “black girl thing” to not want to get rained on. If I have an umbrella in my hand and water is falling from the sky, natural or not, I will use my umbrella. If I have a twist out, a giant afro, or the desire not to catch a cold, I will avoid getting rained on.… Read more »
GuestT
Guest

OMG, THANK YOU!!! Well said.

Mikxtr
Guest

But Bella, that is exactly the point of the article. She’s not trying to hide that. She’s sharing her insecurities, and some if us who’ve had similar experiences appreciate it. It’s nice not to be the only one who’s done such silly things.

It’s just a story, people! Why can’t she share it?

'Quel
Guest

I felt the same way about her writing style when I read it. It just seems like she’s taking herself waaaay too seriously. But, I feel you, I can’t understand why people are so weird about IRR’s. I just can’t grasp it. I mean, a man is a man. And, coming from someone who’s dated just about every race there is–except white–i can honestly say that they really all alike. They may not have the exact same issues, but they all come with some, trust.

Chi
Guest

@Bella,
The best comment I’ve read on this post. Yes!

Cass
Guest
I’ve date blacks and non-blacks. The initial stages of dating and getting to know one another, I find to be identical. We try to preserve the sexy at all times! When things start to get comfortable, non-blacks (whites more so than Hispanics) may be curious about a black woman’s beauty maintenance regimen (that is assuming you’re the first black girl they’ve dated). With that said, black men are curious too. Especially those without sisters and those who haven’t been in a serious relationship. In the past, in my interracial relationships, my defensive responses to questions about my hair we rooted… Read more »
lala
Guest

a jeweler in possession of a rare gem” what a beautiful metaphor when it comes to natural hair!! i love it.

TWA4now
Guest

I liked the article. I think most men regardless of race, are slightly curious about a black woman’s hair and hair routines. It is us who has to feel comfortable with our natural hair and skin.

Mai
Guest
“Why are you walking so fast, babe? It’s just rain.” “Because I don’t like to get wet unless I’m at the beach or in the shower.” “…You’re right, walking in wet Chucks are the worst.” I date outside of my race, specifically white guys, and seriously, I hate these articles on bw-wm couples. It ain’t that serious. If they ask me a question about my beauty regimen, culture, upbringing (which probably isn’t too different from theirs because I grew up in upstate NY in white suburbia), I just answer and they say “cool.” We act like white women don’t have… Read more »
Kami
Guest
Lol, yes! I never got that black women and rain thing. Being natural has not changed my opinion about the rain and most Americans don’t like being caught in the rain either. Seriously, who wants to go to work soaking wet while doing a presentation on quarterly earnings in front of their boss. And no one is trying to go to restaurant and drip dry while waiting for their food. And I’ll be the first to say it, I like my hair pulled. Always have. Now, yes, you cannot try and rip out my hair follicles, but a little tug… Read more »
kitso
Guest

iv dated married outside my race and iv been natural all my life. my hair is never been an issue. My husband strokes my hair a lot, we shower together often. Iv never had an issue myself with my hair. But that’s boring.. As an author she has tomake things interesting enough, to make people read and react.

Tell the truth
Guest
You women sound just as bad as the black men that go on an on about being with a white woman. Be happy that you’re with someone, but none of you can say my man does this or that without emphasizing his race before every comment. It seems like you all are the ones obsessed with race. You all just generalized that all non black people love natural hair, but scream and shout when a black man nicely says he likeloves natural hair because omg he learned to, just like many other naturals had to learn to love their own… Read more »
Huh?
Guest

This is not about black guys at all. What you’re saying sounds like you’re just mad about interracial relationships. Nobody is bashing black guy. Yet you’re bashing black women who don’t want to date black guys. Grow up.

im sure you all will giggle with delight because hey, you got your non black man as a trophy to tell you you are of a value just like their ww”

Girl you have some serious bitterness to work out in your life.

taylor
Guest

shes bitter because she’s speaking the truth.…uh huh.….

SJ
Guest
I think she was responding to the comment made by Tabatha.…..I could be wrong. Anywho, WHO CARES? Date who you want…I know white and black men who love natural hair, and white and black men who don’t.…Some women are in interracial relationships and are totally chill about it going about their business…And others do in fact jump for joy because they were able to pin down a non-black men…Maybe the majority of black men that Tabatha has encountered indeed talked the way she quoted…but of course not all black men approach women disrespectfully (Perhaps Tabatha has just not surrounded herself… Read more »
SJ
Guest

*man

Jack
Guest

She mentioned her boyfriend’s race because it was relevant to what she was discussing in the article. It was on topic; she didn’t just randomly say it out of the blue.

Huh?
Guest

This is not about black guys at all. What you’re saying sounds like you’re just mad about interracial relationships. Nobody is bashing black guy. Yet you’re bashing black women who don’t want to date black guys. Grow up.

im sure you all will giggle with delight because hey, you got your non black man as a trophy to tell you you are of a value just like their ww”

Girl you have some serious bitterness to work out in your life.

Daniel
Guest

Dating interracially is nothing wrong.As love does not see colour,race or religion.

Kade
Guest
Excatly! I feel as though this probably lies hugely in the states. Here in England, particularly london, no one looks twice at interracial couples. They are so common they have become the norm. I feel as though America is behind or lagging. C’mon just get over it, at the end of the day if you strip the layer of skin off they will just be two human beings. God, I know the history of race in America is well documentated and horrific but to become better things need to move on. Also I love the artical but the writing style… Read more »
Amy
Guest

I agree but its like many of these women on this site want to be seen.

Im a black woman that dates interracially”
Its like their saying, see look im a black woman we can date interracially too see here’s my white or whatever non negroid SO. Let someone come around then and say they love every race as well as black men and they’ll thumb you down like you just cursed them lol

Marie
Guest

My husband recently moved from England to America, but plans on us moving back to England for this reason. When his family came over to visit us in America they were shocked by the issues with people and us. While we were all waiting in like, the lady in the next check out isle kept yelling at me that she was free, until my FIL respectfully let her know that I was his daughter, his son’s wife, and that it’s terribly rude to shout in that manner when we are so close. Pfft. Nothing like that every happened in England.

Sabrina Antoinnette (< link to my instagram profile)
Guest

@Marie — I completely understand. My husband and I left as well. He is Scandinavian. We line in London and Oslo (Oslo is close to being worse!).

krokan
Guest

@Sabrina- Wow small world! I am also a natural married to a Norwegian! He’s from Oslo and we were living there until he was hired in NY so we moved here to the states. We try go back every year with the kids and we’ve also noticed the tension you speak of. It’s sad.

'Quel
Guest
So, wait. You say you know the history of race in America, but? But what? If you’re not FROM here, then you DON’T know the history. How can you tell someone to get over it? Hell, THEY won’t get over it. So, how can we move forward when they’re mindset is still there AND when they control everything. And screw England, girl. They’ve occupied Africa so hard and for so long til it’s not even funny. England can go to hell. Now, take that shit back to the UK with you.
Sabrina Antoinnette (< link to my instagram profile)
Guest

@Quel — just wow. How about this — I am ffrom America, born and raised. So Cal and Chicago. I left because of it. Will that do?

@Krokan — Small world for sure! well — add me via instagram and msg me somehow when you guys come back. We’ll be here in Oslo for a while 🙂 I’m really digging living in Europe. Everyone is very relaxed. For a change, I’m the one that needs to take a chill-pill haha.

'Quel
Guest

Look slut, I wasn’t even talkin to you. Did you say anything about how you “know the history of America” or how we “need to get over it?” Damn, read your own shit that you wrote.

Sabrina Antoinnette (< link to my instagram profile)
Guest

@Quel fyi — I’m giving you hell just because. No need to get all personal or defensive or attack a person’s race or nationality here.

***NEWS FLASH****

IT’S A HAIR BLOG; not a race blog, not a dating advice blog, and definitely not an embassy.

'Quel
Guest

Let me change my “they’re” to “their” before some lackey comes on here and tries to correct me.

'Quel
Guest

You givin me hell just because? What? You can’t give me hell, mf. You wastin my time is what you’re doing. SMDH. LOLLL!!

An embassy? Wtf are you talking about? Go home, damn. Shit, you makin my head hurt–all this tomfoolery. WTF????

Sabrina Antoinnette (< link to my instagram profile)
Guest

@Quel, Why are you so angry? I die at situations like these. The cursing, the slurs, and the defensiveness — lololol!! Have a great weekend.

Nolly A
Guest

I have read most of your comments and I am really sad and disgusted ..you are evidently very uneducated, ignorant and apparently ghetto. Please for your own good try and put an end to this close minded and shallow behaviour, they say the older you get the wiser you become but you are proving the notion wrong ..take this advise from a 13 year old kinky hair girl 🙂 .Race should never be a factor to determine who you fall in love with

Nolly A
Guest

That comment was for quel by the way

Kade
Guest
Did I say I know the history of America? I clearly stated it is WELL DOCUMENTED!! For that reason I believe you are illiterate. Besids I never said I was English…so your assuming stuff…I said HERE IN ENLAND, that means I live there. Anyway what I am saying is that love has no colour because at the end of the day we are ALL HUMAN!!! So yes when it comes to love GET OVER IT! God said love is for all and our main goal is to procreate, he never said blacks must procreate with blacks and the same for… Read more »
Sabrina Antoinnette (< link to my instagram profile)
Guest
Wow. I had to take a step back for a moment after reading all of the comments on this article. Are we not in a place that represents the strive for equality and returning to the basics of what is natural and good to one’s own desires? I’ve seen quite a bit of racial accusation in the comments on this site in various places. I’m am just thankful for those that chime in and bring light to the reality of life. WE ARE ALL PEOPLE — blood is blue and red in all of our veins. We all experience love… Read more »
KJJ
Guest

Honestly, I think some of these issues would be faced by black women in IRRs regardless if their hair is natural or relaxed, with the hair wrapping, don’t run your fingers through/mess up my hair, don’t get my hair wet…these sound like black culture hair issues in general. Not to mention, we see many black women with relaxers and weaves, so I would argue that black men in many cases are just as curious about natural hair.

SJ9
Guest

My Dominican boyfriend loves my natural hair..He would never want me to get a weave..When I used to straighten my hair, his whole family preferred that over my natural hair because they said I looked more “elegant”..I prefer to wear it natural and he is the only on that loves it!..

Candice
Guest
I have seen countless articles about black men’s response to natural hair. Now that there is an article about white men’s response, all of sudden the author is “flaunting” her relationship. Dating a white person is no better or worse than dating anyone else, but there is a difference. To ignore that is ignorance and death to the relationship. If the author of this article had failed to make the distinction that the responses to her hair were coming from white men, would the article have even made sense? I loved this article. It reminded me of moment in my… Read more »
HoneyB
Guest
Yes, thank you! My boyfriend has learned so much about natural hair that he offers me help when I detangle my hair. Even though I can do it in like 15–20 mins, he still likes to watch me and offer a hand lol. He has helped me take down my hair from a nightmare detangling after wearing two strand-twists. He is not black either. There’s so much more, but I digress. I’m excited to know that my future children’s generation will be more colorblind. Some older generations in America talk about race like it’s scientific fact. People, let’s not forget… Read more »
'Quel
Guest

See!

Trice
Guest
It is funny that all these comments are stirring such negativity. The article was about dating someone from a different race while being natural. She made the emphasis of her dates particular race because that was the subject of her article. So enough of that nonsense and lets go back to focusing on the positive nature of the BGLH community 🙂 I particularly liked her article because I am married to a white man who loves my thick coiled curls 🙂 When I transitioned 2 years ago he was a bit confused but supportive because he saw that it made… Read more »
Yeya
Guest

I don’t date black guys because I like straight hair plus I don’t like their features anymore because I see them everyday,it gets boring and they never liked me in the first place.

Nappy 4C Rocks
Guest

@ Yeya “it gets boring and they never liked me in the first place” uh? where are you from?

Jack
Guest
Why do people thinking others are bragging? She stated the race of her dates because that’s what the article is about. Some people who have never dated interracially want to know about another black woman’s experience. When someone brings up bragging on this subject it says a lot about the one saying it and how they see interracial relationship, that dating a white person is better (reinforcing or accepting the same idea they dislike and accuse the other person for doing), they it is done for approval or acceptance (again it seems like they already believe this and accept it).… Read more »
SJ
Guest
I think context is important. The author of the article did no wrong, and the negativity aimed towards her dating choice is just uncalled for IMHO. Thus, I agree with you;to say that the author is bragging has no basis. BUT…I will address why some women perceive talking about IRRs as bragging. I don’t think the author was trying to brag about anything, but some people in the comments section are in fact trying to justify their preferences for non-black by raising stereotypes about black men. Date who you want; it isn’t that serious. But for all the women in… Read more »
SJ
Guest

*man

Chi
Guest

Excellent comment, SJ!

Amy
Guest

No it cause you all go around saying my white husband my white bf my white white white. Meanwhile you all downgrade black men while praising these white men like they are different species.
No race of men is better than another they are equal, but you women can’t form a thought with comparing your white or whatever pale knight to all black men.

Mikxtr
Guest

This is what I see in the article:

This is what I see in the reactions:

Wow.

Thank you, Kischa Ford, for your article about HAIR and how you’ve discovered your need to be more confident with your HAIR.

Clearly, it took some courage to write.

Mikxtr
Guest

This is what I see in the article:
Here is my story about my hair issues. It involves discomfort because of IRR. I’ve discovered the IRR doesn’t matter. It’s really about my need to be more confident and comfortable

This is what I see in the reactions:
-Why are you bragging?
— I don’t have an issue with IRRs but here is why I hate IRRs.
— You haters are ignorant
— All you need is love

Wow.

Thank you, Kischa Ford, for your article about HAIR and how you’ve discovered your need to be more confident with your HAIR.

It must have taken some courage to write.

Janelle
Guest
I’ve always been natural but have been a press and curl girl for my whole life. My boyfriend (who happens to be white) loves my big hair and encouraged me to do my first wash and go. I’m so glad I’ve given it a try and now I want to learn more about how to take care of my hair! He teases me because of the bonnet I wear at night but he understands, and he always makes sure I have an umbrella when it’s rainy. The only thing he didn’t like was my wet and wavy sew in…but I… Read more »
Crist
Guest

I was pretty intrigued when I saw this article then I read it and could relate and wanted share my story! .…but then I saw the comments.. soooo yeah, nevermind lol

Reanna
Guest
Reading these comments makes me wonder if people read the article at all. The writer was certainly not bragging about being in an interracial relationship. Her article was about her attitude toward her hair and her attitude toward the man that she was with. So what’s the problem with sharing that experience? I’ve never been in an interracial relationship. But after reading this article it had me thinking that maybe I would react the way she did. I would be a little insecure of sharing my hair regimen for fear of him not “getting it”. So I ask the question… Read more »
Jodeci R.
Guest
This article grabbed my attention because I, too, am in an interracial relationship. Having dated a few men of different races, there were some things I expected and some things I didn’t. Because I’d known this guy since high school (when my hair was permed) I didn’t expect him to understand, respect, or appreciate me and my hair now. But he really doesn’t care. He thinks I’m beautiful no matter what (even though he does get flustered when he can only run his fingers so far through my hair). Stories like this aren’t just a lesson in finding beauty in… Read more »
A.R.
Guest
Why is there a problem when black women say they date outside of their race? Everyone else does it. Can’t we learn to get along with other men outside of our race too? Are we supposed to only tie ourselves to black men while they date around? Can we not support other men too? You can date other races of men and still love your own race of men. I don’t see why its such a problem for us as black women to accept others. Also as a natural woman, I have dated men, regardless of their race, and experienced… Read more »
wendi muse
Guest

er…why are you afraid of the rain? if you wear your hair natural, unless you’re afraid of messing up a twist-out or something, i would think you would embrace the rain…and i say this as someone with natural hair (and it’s VERY curly/coily) who used to have a perm (relaxer). sooo yeah. enjoy the rain, girl! 🙂

Kischa Ford
Guest

The article title was not chosen by me & probably a bit misleading. Many of the anecdotes within the article come from the span 15+ years of my adult relationships, during which I’ve had permed, weaved, & transitioning natural hair. I am currently in my second year of transition.

Chi
Guest

Thank you for your clrarification, Kischa. I felt the title was misleading, too, and feel that another title would have done your article better justice, and would have prevented some of the hate among the comments.

Chi
Guest

*clarification* oops

mbeke
Guest

No offense intended, but whether or not she avoids the rain to preserve a style or avoid shrinkage is a matter of preference. There’s no one size fits all…

gigi
Guest
oh man you guys don’t know how I live for troublestarters on this thing! and how ridiculous… somebody has the forthrightness to share her experience, maybe to see if anybody can identify with her situation, or just to proclaim it [and very well done, btw –you represent your craft well my dear! so well-written!] and people gleefully grab up their keyboards stomp all over it with their ill-conceived, and a little scary, projections… and to what end?? Here I was about to chime in my little 2-cents, like maybe invest in some satin pillow cases, and share how my male… Read more »
A.R.
Guest

(gypsy is a slur, the correct term is Romani) Well, people can’t fathom the concept of accepting each other regardless of race. Unfortunately, many black women who perceive this article as bragging, need to re-read and see that she was talking about her hair and dating different men. And its true, many experiences with other men and our hair can be enlightening.

gigi
Guest

Not to worry, I’m well-acquainted with the Rom & their rich history and traditions… my friends are mostly manuche & gitans of southern france… they’re very proud of the term actually… are you Rom?

A.R.
Guest

No I am not, but I am learning about different cultures, etc. at the moment. =) Its great to be around different types of people.

Crist
Guest

lol omg i LOVE your comment! *big smiles*

'Quel
Guest

LOL! TOO wild.…

A.R.
Guest

Its comments like this that makes me give up on society. Be above ignorance please.

Rain
Guest

I see so much projection in the comments.… smh*

Black men / white men /any type of men… It is always a vulnerable time to allow a significant other to see ‘all of you’. Confidence with natural hair should be a requirement — scrap that, overall confidence should always be attained.

True
Guest

But the woman in the picture has good hair.

A.R.
Guest

Kill the term “good hair”. Too much negative connotation from that term. Everyone has good hair. Healthy hair is the proper way of saying it. No one’s hair texture is above anyone else’s.

Nappy 4C Rocks
Guest

is nappy acceptable?

A.R.
Guest

Well for that term I am actually not sure. It does have a negative connotation behind it because of its history as well. I can’t really say for this one.…

nappy
“downy,” 1499, from nap (n.). Meaning “fuzzy, kinky,” used in colloquial or derogatory ref. to the hair of black people, is from 1950.

That’s what I found..idk.

Jack
Guest

I don’t like the term because I know the majority of the people that use it don’t use it has a compliment. They consider it an insult so when I hear the word all already know they don’t like my hair and have nothing good to say about it (which should have prompted them to say nothing at all).

cacey
Guest

same. i never use that term. and every time i’ve ever heard someone use it in real life it’s always come along with negative connotation. i know on the internet many have tried to reclaim it, but even then…they themselves don’t usually use it in an authentically positive sense.

'Quel
Guest

Good hair? Come on now. This is a natural hair blog. We don’t acknowledge that kind of terminology because we’re supposed to know better.

Sonya
Guest

People suck! The negative comments are so sad and unenlightened. Kischa Ford’s story was a great narrative about the intersections of race, hair, and gender. Thanks Kischa and those who commented with some insight and intelligence. The rest of you have some unresolved issues.

BeautyisMiree
Guest
I’m disappointed in some of the girls in this comment section. So you’re getting mad and judging a girl for dating outside of her race, but when black man talks about light skin women and dating a white chick it’s cool. Interracial dating isn’t a bad thing as long as you truly love the person and you don’t see them just for the complexion of their skin. As a matter of fact it helps break down the color barriers we have against each other and we help educate each other on our cultures so at the end of the day… Read more »
'Quel
Guest

Girl, gone. I have light skin. And yes, black men do like us. But, that’s because they’re conditioned that way from American society. They’re conditioned to like anything that’s closer to white and further from black. That’s just the way it is. I’m not racist against white people, but you really do have to acknowledge things as they are. I mean, it’s right in our faces everyday.

Cass
Guest

I got me a white man. A real white man with blues and blonde hair. I didn’t think I could get him, but I did. He mine now, girl!

That’s bragging.

The projection of insecurities, in this comment section, is mind-boggling. Go within. Sort it out.

jenny
Guest

Exactly! People are reading a brag where there is no bragging in the article. It makes me wonder whether they even know the meaning of the word. This a classic case of projection.

Just Saying
Guest

*Correction. I gots me a white man. Not I got me a white man.
lol

Fii
Guest
It’s hilarious to me so that many people are thinking that the OP is showing off. At another natural blog I read, when the women blogged about her black boyfriend, all the comments where: Grrrl, don’t go around showing your good black man to just anyone, lest someone try to steal him away. I see these words as the same context of an underlining jealousy honestly. They put a negative spin on what is supposed to be a complement or they downplay situations they claim they wouldn’t want anyway. So many black women simply cannot be happy for other black… Read more »
Celeste
Guest

OH FII.…ARE YOU TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR HAPPY LIFE TO POST ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE FREE TO DO AND SAY WHAT THEY WANT DURING THEIR FREE TIME.
HAVE SEVERAL SEATS.

cacey
Guest

oh, then she musta been talking about you. well, hello, there!

krys
Guest
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 and a half years. He’s white I’m black. Not to mention he is the first white man I dated. I transitioned to natural in the first couple of months of dating and again I’m am transitioning 3 years later due to heat damage and curiosity of how long my hair would be straightened. Either way I agree with Kischa on the slight curiosity, but I am no where near being afraid of water, I welcome rain that’s why I went natural. I don’t know if its an IRR thing but I… Read more »
diedre via life
Guest
WOW the comments on this article tho! It’s a sad state of affairs, smh. NEITHER of my black or non-black boyfriends has really understood the natural hair regimen. They all asked me why I do this or that. They are not familiar with it…BUT sometimes for different reasons. Clearly a black man is gonna be more familiar with hair texture and shrinkage and whatnot than a nonblack man. When I dated a black guy as a natural, I didnt have to explain that nor was he surprised. My nonblack boyfriends would all ask questions or wanna touch it, out of… Read more »
Khadijah
Guest

I’m in a IRR and my boyfriend encouraged me to rock my natural hair. He had more confidence in how i’d look than I did. Once I did it i fell in love with my hair. It’s great to have that kind of support. Every now and then when i’m sleepy and it comes to twisting it up at night he helps me 🙂 he’s got it down pat!
[img]http://blackgirllonghair.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/day1.jpg[/img]

Jessica
Guest

Love your photo.

Khadijah
Guest

Thank you Jessica 🙂 ! This is the first day I took out my braids and revealed my natural hair btw !

Ajjah
Guest

THIS IS FREAKING ADORABLE! You better train that man to help you do your hair (totally kidding about “training” lol.) My daddy used to do my hair when my sister and I were little — sure both my parents are black, but men are men. If they’re good men, they’ll support you — including helping you and the babies do their hair! We just have to be good and supportive wives/daughters back. Race doesn’t change the fundamentals of healthy relationships. Keep being a happy couple!

Khadijah
Guest

Ahahaha, love your sense of humor. I’d say I have trained him well 😉 😉 j.k but I agree its important for men to understand that a relationship goes further than intimacy and just helping with stereotypical “manly duties”. He’s my best friend, so just like your girlfriend helps you with your hair my boyfriend helps me with mine. He makes a great shopping buddy too ! Thank you for such a nice comment Ajjah ! .….recent photo, i left my head scarf at his house 😛
[img]http://blackgirllonghair.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/mylittlepirate.png[/img]

Veronica
Guest

I’ve all races and unfortunate it’s all the other races that take interest in my hair. Do reading up on natural hair. They are fascinated. They want to learn and help in my journey. They love the natural look (on ocassion they ask for something different).

Vonnie
Guest
This is nothing against the author or her views, just my two cents on this subject. To quote YT’ber My Invisible Chrysalis(sic) on a video: “I think white people are getting tired of hearing about our hair. We’re the only ones who care about our hair the way we do.” And she is married to a white man. I’m also married interracially, and unless your partner is from bumblef*ck nowheresvile, they already know why we don’t like getting our hair wet, why we gotta wrap it, and so on. Didn’t have to go thru this with my husband, relaxed or… Read more »
Vonnie
Guest

*is, is it safe for work? And all this mess…

Deb
Guest

White folks love my hair.”

And this makes you feel good because.….?

KCee
Guest

…because it feels good when people appreciate your natural beauty.

Aourie
Guest

Beginning your article with “I only date white guys” immediately turned me off to reading the rest of it. Meh.

Kryssy
Guest

She never said she only dates white guys…

Robi
Guest
Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve had to explain the “run your fingers through my hair no-no rule” to my black kinky haired boyfriend as well.I can’t imagine where to begin with a while male on answering his questions about my kinky curls. Although most are just curious and it shouldn’t be a problem to ask a loved one about their hair, I do wish they’d just watch and learn rather than asking so many questions. my boyfriend’s mother and sister never explained to him why they had to do certain things to their hair. He just watched them… Read more »
Monique
Guest
I have to disagree here. The love of my life has been with me over 20 years. He’s seen me go from long relaxed hair to natural kinks. When someone is learning something new, observation is only part of the learning process. Black women may not like having their hair touched by anyone but their hairdressers. We’ve all had our hair touched growing up by the women in our families. The issue is we expect a negative assessment of something we hold dear. After years of having our hair discussed in negative terms black women tend to protect their hair… Read more »
K.P.
Guest

I can relate, sis. Most of my relationships have been interracial and I have to admit to feeling self-conscious about my natural hair in the beginning. True, I did date someone shortly after going natural whose maturity level, attitude, and comments about my hair made him an ex sooner rather than later, but the “issues” I experienced had everything to do with me and the insecurities I harbored about my tresses.
Thankfully I’ve moved past that now.

Emma J B W
Guest

It’s sad that interracial dating seems to be such a problem for a few individuals. Some people have preferences — get over it!! In the UK, this isn’t so much of a problem.

Thank you, Kischa, for sharing your experiences with us.

Beauty84
Guest

In the UK about 70 percent of black guys date outside of their race. So you have a t bigger issue than this topic discussed !!!

Nancy
Guest

I live in London, UK…you see a lot of this with no real understanding or acceptance of the other person’s culture. That’s not exactly good or better! Besides, I is usually Black men with White women. Not the same thing!

Emma J B W
Guest

Again, walking past a couple on the street isn’t really proper evidence of the acceptance or rejection of a other person’s culture.

My statement about IRD not being so much of a problem is based on my experience, the experiences of my friends and family as well as how I perceive IRD to be viewed in pop culture on our television screens.

I think my perception is that is doesn’t seem to be a problem. I’m happy to read source data you have on the subject and am open to changing my opinion is there is compelling evidence.
Thanks

Emma J B W
Guest

Would you care to state your source for that statistic? I’m always interested to read stats on UK dating trends.

Also, I’m not sure of the relevance of your statement. Surely if there is a significant percentage of black men in the UK dating outside of their race, then that would support my argument that it (IRD) is less of an issue in the UK. Perhaps a similar stat relating to women of black decent and their dating habits would help us see a fuller picture too.
Thanks

GT
Guest

Why do people fabricate statistics about IR dating in the UK? What’s your source? Most black people here are with black people, IR is still an issue here and it’s not a utopia but people are less aggressive in their disapproval than they may be elsewhere. In the end Britain is a small island and we make up 2–3% so black, white, Asian people mix freely and that will obviously result in relationships for some. The US and the UK are completely different which can’t be compared.

AnonSince87
Guest

GT, you hit it right on the head!

IR is still an issue like you said, especially further north of the UK because they are fewer ethnic minorities; therefore IR is more obvious.

Some African-American’s have a misled view of black people and black life in the UK.

Laney
Guest

Some of the language and attitudes displayed here are so disgusting. I think the site should think about blocking the Ips of the most negative and hateful individuals. You only need to state your opinion on the writer’s feelings about IR ONCE. Going back and forth and insults being exchanged is so pathetic and sad.

To be honest, as soon as I saw this topic I knew the backlash was coming.

Lizz Am
Guest
I think part of the reason for the anti-interracial comments are because some of the commenters (male or female) are in denial. Yes I said it! People don’t want to look at the ugly truth that many black people, especially black men, do not like the natural appearance of black women. Black women perm their hair to hell or rip their edges out with extensions. Black men date white women or light-skinned women and talk down about black women. So when people hear that a black woman is in love with someone outside of her race, black men and women… Read more »
Mjay
Guest

Wow. I’m really shocked that this comment has received so many thumbs up with all of the negative generalizations and stereotypes you’ve spewed smh. Who hurt you?? These comments are so disappointing.

reflecting
Guest
Lizz Am, I hear what you’re saying, I do. But please consider us black women who are in relationships with supportive black men. I am married to a black man who, on our first date when I wore a hat because I was so embarrassed of my tiny twists, told me to take it off because I looked beautiful. A man who has defended my hair to his sisters and mother-in-law, who are lighter skin and have looser texture hair than me, and used to belittle me for my kinks. I understand that many black men are hurtful to black… Read more »
Monisola
Guest
There are legitimate reasons to be skeptical and critical of interracial dating, of white people, of racism in society. Let’s face it we live in a world where many people especially white people are raised with ugly beliefs and where many black people navigate racism and internalized self hatred. all of this comes into play with the dating scene as well. HOWEVER, as a natural haired woman with a white boyfriend I will say that ASSUMING that a relationship is unhealthy or wrong just because it is interracial is sad, and ignorant. I am in a mutually loving, accepting, UPLIFTING,… Read more »
RJG
Guest

Love what you had to say!!!

Zindzi
Guest
Love that you said that. I find some Black womben who date white men too afraid to talk about racism or acknowledge its existence for fear of scaring potential mates off. I’m like, if you’re going to be together, you better be able to. I’d never date a Black guy who denied the existence of sexism, so why would you date a white guy who denied, or made you deny, the existence of racism. But since I wouldn’t stop dating Black men based on sexism in the Black community, I’m not going to not date white men based on racism… Read more »
Rachette
Guest

It seems like people can’t help but divide everything down racial lines regardless of what side of the line they see themselves on. IR daters are bragging, black men hate natural hair, IR daters are trying hard to prove something, white people love my Afro hair more. In what decade is all this foolishness going to stop between us as people?

IR dating is a flamethrower of a topic every.damn.time.

Dabney
Guest

I really Hate it when Women say Black men hate natural hair! It’s not true! My brother is a black man who loves girls with natural hair! It’s ridiculous and ignorant! Stop saying that ladies! There are white guys who said my hair looked like a Brillo pad! Take people for how they treat you!

Afrotique
Guest
I made a similar comment some weeks back about not judging a man by his color but rather by him loving you and astonishingly got several thumbs down. I felt so sad for the sisters who rejected that message of putting love above color. I’m really happy to see that people are more receptive to the idea on this post. Excluding men (black or white) based on color will only hamper your chances of finding true love. I’ve dated men of all races and I disagree that there is one race of men that is more or less supportive on… Read more »
Afrotique
Guest

*There is NO one race of men…

Afrotique
Guest

arg.. disregard that correction… post was correct as first written!

Ajjah
Guest

Oh I like it! I wish I could give this 1,000 thumbs ups. I’ve had healthy relationships with black and white men. I’ve had unhealthy relationships with black and white men! We deserve to explore, succeed and fail with any and everyone. If my soulmate should be white then so be it. Keep on keeping on.

RJG
Guest

As a former equal-opportunity dater, now married to a very white guy, I’m sorry that you’ve had so many negative comments, and know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

To be honest, I’ve always had more support for my natural hair (been natural for 10 yrs) from white & Latino men than from members of my own family, let alone black partners.

Between the hate in some of the comments & the lack of support from our lovers & family members, what does that say about “us” as a people?

Afrodite
Guest
Interesting…admittedly I had some concerns when I first started dating interracially. Funny enough, my white husband (then boyfriend) was the one who encouraged me to go natural when I became pregnant with our child. When we first started dating I was wearing braids, but my style transitions have been numerous. During the course of our 13 year relationship I’ve BC’d, had relaxers, braids, locs, and worn an assortment of wigs. He was privy to my hair rituals, trials and disappointment. Occasionally he’d ask a question, more out of curiosity than judgement. (Caveat — my husband had dated a variety of… Read more »
Forklift Jones
Guest
I am in a relationship with a white guy with very long hair. He often jokes about the ridiculous processes that I have to go through when I want my hair straight. He’s seen what water can do, he’s seen Afros, puffs, curls, and blow dryers short out of the apartment. It hasn’t been an issue. Of course there are jokes about “nappy heads” and “big hair, don’t care”, but it has never been any serious issues or concerns. I feel bad when I read stories of women who have to deal with racial issues and their hair. I never… Read more »
TINA SMITH
Guest

SO BLACK MEN DON’T HAVE THESE SAME QUESTIONS?///// THIS IS A DUMB ARTICLE

Sherice
Guest

I really liked the article. Thanks for sharing.

Janeen
Guest
The guys I have dated before have never seen my natural hair because I have been relaxed since 10 and even I did not remember what my hair is like. My bf (who happens to be white) was a big part of my decision to go natural. He listened to me complain about how unhealthy my hair was and how I didn’t know how to handle my natural hair or what to expect. He supported my transitioning until I decided to do the big chop. He got nervous with me hoping I would like it and letting me know there… Read more »
Ariana J
Guest

I really enjoyed this article. I find that what yo said is true. I deal with these encounters in college.

Dominique
Guest

I’m not sure this met the expectations that it set out to prove initially. Perhaps it intended to start out on the right foot but didn’t. It is provocative though…

Dabney
Guest
My experience with the inter-racial thing is similar. The Past couple of experiences have been positive. I haven’t had a bad experience with A black man as well. Most men are attracted to a genuine person who takes good care of them selves! I feel like the only time a bad experience arises is when you encounter ignorance. Everyone has the capacity to be ignorant. I have met them in both races. When I first started dating my husband he loved my hair. He is 14 years older than me so he was accustomed to seeing Afros being a teen… Read more »
Sophie
Guest

I think articles like this are really useful and interesting. I live in a place where there are not many black men, and I am definitely not concerned about dating or marrying a non-black man. It’s good to think about how you might have to explain your hair to someone who has little experience with it, and this isn’t exclusive to white men at all! I’ve explained bonnets to my own (African) dad so I’m gearing up to give any guy I’m with “the talk”!

TP
Guest

Wow this is a great piece, I’m young and haven’t dated many guys so I haven’t come across this at all, but it’s so nice to hear your story. This brings a discussion to mind that I have never really thought about before. If I ever do date interacially, I know what some questions might rise now. Thanks!

OsemhenA
Guest

I big-chopped one month after meeting my very African boyfriend and a week later, we officially agreed to be a couple. He adores my hair. He likes that people want to touch my afro when we go out. He takes pride in it, he’s like, “My girl doesn’t need waist-length weaves to be pretty.” 🙂

No woman should be with a man who provokes her to be insecure. A perm. Weaves. Braids. Afros. Your man should accept them all.

Linda
Guest
I still don’t understand why and how it is an issue for black women to let their men touch their hair. That’s somethind that never bothered me nor any other family member or relative I came in contact with. The only thing was to touch the hair without messing up the hairstyle and if it get messed up just switch up to an easier style. Whether relaxed or natural we handle our hair knowing exactly what to do if we get caught up in the rain or whatever circumstances that can lead to messed up hair. What I mean is… Read more »
cacey
Guest
my husband can touch my hair but the minute he tries to run his fingers through it that’s a no. i shrink away reflexively, simply because it usually entails, at worst breakage, and at best discomfort because it tugs on my roots. my hair is not straight or wavy. it’s curly, and on top of that, coarse. which equate to not ideal for running one’s fingers through it. i can’t run my fingers through my own hair, not unless it’s been straightened first, because my hair is naturally snag-prone and catches easily on itself. which can lead easily to breakage… Read more »
linda
Guest
@ cacey, I understand your point and as long as you and your husband are fine with it there’s nothing that needs to be fixed. But one thought came to my mind though while reading your post: I love touching and playing with my man’s and he loves doing the same with my hair so why would the nature of my hair (I have 4 xyzt that tangles so easily it’s ridiculous) stop us from enjoying ourselves when we can work with it instead of against it? This is what I do sometimes with my man who, once I taught… Read more »
Candi
Guest

As long as its about love, go for it! But I agree with the observation — when my full glory fro is out or Bantu knot outs there’s way more action from non black males. I’ve heard some black males making comments about a fellow natural who’s becoming a doctor ” she need to perm that”. I still love black men , but I don’t love that attitude. I think it’s going to take more time for them to accept what truly natural for us.

mercedesweems
Guest

ive heard that too and sometimes witnessed it. i dont think they all are that way but it is a total turn off i do understand that not everyone is going to be ok with the natural movement but i also dont think that their opinion should matter when it comes to your hair. its hurtful that another would talk about a stranger like they are a bunch of cackling hens they arent on a mature level and maybe one day they will learn to be respectful and not so close minded

Jennifer Lumpkin
Guest

I found this on another blog and wanted to share. The writer is a white male who comments on black women’s great shapes but “imperfect hair”: http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2012/07/what-men-think-about-your-weight.html

Janet
Guest
Stay the heck off that sexist site! I went over to read the comment and really don’t know what you are getting at. HE didn’t care for the hair. So!?!?!? He doesn’t speak for all white men (if he was white). That is a site for a bunch of loser men who need to feel good about themselves by “helping” women better themselves. I’m guessing most of them are overweight, undereducated, and living with mommy. Most of the women they consider worthy would not give them the time of day. It made me sick how many women were seeking approval… Read more »
Jennifer Lumpkin
Guest

I don’t actually care for the site myself, however I think that it is important to note that there is another side to how others perceive black hair (imperfect vs. perfect), and this is not only from white people but from our own people as well. Period. Sharing the site is not advocating for it, but to ignore the fact that it exist would be ignorant on our part.

Bigsy
Guest

Should we really look at and seek negative commentary on our hair? What does that achieve? What’s ignorant about not wanting to listen to others put your hair and features down as opposed to those who uplift? Or is this just to bring those few commenters who say white people they meet tell them that they like their hair crashing down to earth? I don’t read racist commentary so I’m certainly not going to listen to people who hate my features so as not to ignore they’re out there, we know they’re out there.

me
Guest
I read this post with interest as I am a black woman married to a white man. I have dated others before marriage, white, black asian, mixed race etc. Color has never been an issue to me. I appreciate the writer has her own views however I am not sure why your hair matters if dating interracially. I big chopped — some 8 years ago, but it was never a big deal. I have never had to explain much to him, never felt like my hair was a big deal in any relationship. What I would like to say is… Read more »
Omozo
Guest

Yeah you just repeated what she said at the end of her article “I found the more confident I felt in my own skin, less intrusive those questions felt. The comfort level I need to attend to is not theirs, but my own. They’re already my biggest fans.”

NenoNaturalDotCom
Guest

Agreed. My husband is white and I can walk around the house with my hair matted days and he wouldn’t ask why. This is his view on YouTube: http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=I8uoGCl8bjk

angie
Guest
what a fun article. I love reading about interracial couples and their growth, if any. I agree with many commentators here in that you must be comfortable with yourself. Period! I met my Bryan (bf) shortly after moving to FLA.…beach side. I loved the ocean water. I immediately knew my daily dips would bring an end to relaxing. I didn’t mind. This beautiful man i was excitedly swimming with every evening loved how my hair had character but knew i brought that character to life. Explaining my hair transition was as easy as…i don’t know, but it was easy and… Read more »
TWA4now
Guest
Idk why some folks are so upset over this?! Most men overseas and outside the black race LOVE, I mean truly adore us in all sizes shape, colors, heights, fat or skinny, light skin, dark skin including our hair! They truly love and appreciate us MUCH more than the average black man in America! Not saying some don’t but the difference is eating a hamburger to steak, night and day, Friday and Sunday, from eating a story brought candy bar to homemade chocolate dipped by hand…we are loved by other races so much more. Why get mad about it or… Read more »
TWA4now
Guest

I am truly she has found someone, regardless of race, that loves
her and her hair. #whatistheproblem?!

TWA4now
Guest

I mean I am truly happy she has found someone who loves her and her hair1 #wowfactor

MichelleS
Guest
I have dated whites mainly (through no fault or deliberate looking might I add) most of my life. Being mixed it didn’t really occur to me as odd. They seemed attracted to me far more than any other race and it felt natural for lack of a better word. My hair had never been an issue. Then again my hair was relaxed up until about 4 years ago. I met the love of my life (who is also mixed with black and white) 3 years ago. We are happily engaged and he’s been accepting as well-even MORE accepting in my… Read more »
shelikes
Guest
this is in response to an earlier post? How can color not be an issue to a person? Skin color is your history, your culture, your beauty, your mark among all of the colors of the earth. Skin color is not an issue then u r not seeing u which means u r not loving u. I could see your opinion if u were white. Only blind men dont see color? Isnt that how the old saying goes. This author has a really nice way with words. From what I have experienced, white men are attracted to natural hair. I… Read more »
shelikes
Guest
not natural, i dont think white women wear their hair natural. They straighten but they have a lot less curl and frizz to straighten than black women do. I think white men are used to natural hairlines as well as scalp peeking through. Maybe not used to the puffy new growth under relaxed hair, either. so maybe part of the reason they seem a lot friendlier now. Maybe its just that they recognize the strength in black women who are debunking the nappy head always tie it tight under a bandanna stereotype that has been forever perpetuated by white people.
Miss
Guest
I don’t understand why people have a problem with guys touching their hair. Ive also been in a mix of relationships/dating; black, mixed like me, hispanic and white. I’ve always been comfortable with and in fact really enjoyed guys playing with my hair. All I might have to explain to them is that they can’t try to unravel all of my curls and create too much frizz lol! Same with sex in the shower, I don’t understand how your hair being wet in front of you partner is an issue, presumably in fact, it becomes more tameable and ‘out of… Read more »
robbin melton
Guest

From the rainbow of men I’ve dated, the only ones who even mentioned anything about my hair, other than to pay a compliment, were black men. They are as obsessed as we are about hair.

JinB
Guest

This article was a bit too wordy. I understand the writer is trying to show off her vast vocabulary but it took away from the article. It was more about her verbosity rather than her delivery of the message. Next time she doesn’t have to try so hard. This isn’t the New York Times.

Heather-Elizabeth
Guest
My ex, a white guy with Hungarian roots, absolutely *LOVED* my natural curls. He would play in it, and initially he asked first, which I really appreciated. He was enthralled with the different ways I could do it, and although he didnt know exactly WHAT I was doing to it (“That twisty thingy you had last week”) he always noticed the different styles and marveled at the variety of styles I could do. The one time he did see me with my hair straightened, I admit he enjoyed being able to really run his fingers through it without snagging something… Read more »
Cand
Guest
very interesting post! I grew up in a very white area, so have found myself mainly dating white men — I currently have serious long term white, French boyfriend. I can definitely relate to these anxieties and issues and I actually have felt quite low because of them at certain points. when I was first natural I took to moisturizing my hair to soul glo proportions and would not let my man touch my hair for fear of him being grossed out, I remember lookin at my gorgeous white friends with their silky European hair and feeling jealous that they… Read more »
Missllah
Guest
My fiance is white, but every man prior to him was black. I do have issues with tying a scarf around my hair at night when I am with him, but to my knowledge, does any man like their womans hair tyed up in a rag? For the record, I never liked anyone probing my scalp. As a matter of fact, I don’t encourage anyone who is not doing my hair to touch it. The same goes for my face. Its more of a boundary issue rather than anything else. I am not one of those females who get their… Read more »
Dicey
Guest

In my opinion most black males were forced to have hair cuts that left them to be nearly hairless by their parents. The primary reason: “hair texture” They have been taught early in life it is worthless, too much trouble, an embarrasment to exhibit publicly.
How is one expected to love the natural hair on a black female when they are taught from day one that this pure phenotype is bad and should be discarded?

Q
Guest

Amen! In 2013 my parents insist on cutting my little brothers’ hair every other Sunday! He does look even more handsome with one, but I feel it should be given as needed. How many microcentimeters is he retaining in two weeks?! I’ve long suspected this as being the reason they do it. Best believe I’ll keep teaching him and his future nieces and nephews to come that there’s absolutely nothing wrong or negative regarding our hair. Especially if its kept neat. #KeepBlackPrideAlive

Adeana
Guest
I transitoned to natual about three years ago, first with the big chop, then i grew it back out n started my locs. My husband ‚who’s white, has always supported me. I know that he wsnt the biggest fan of my twa, but he never said anything negative about my hair, instead he always encouraged me to be myself and love the skin and hair im in. It makes me sad that we as black women have to have decussions about which race of men will love us best. Unfortunately, inAmerica it has been deemed cool to treat black women… Read more »
Flipshod
Guest

White guy with a black wife. I love running my fingers through her hair. The only rule is if I mess it up, I have to brush it back.

Isis the nicest
Guest
Kinky curly women are not all the same –when it comes to moisture (rain water /shower water) and our significant others touch. Love is love is love is love, dig? Those who are suppressant in melanin have an a particular odor none like our (kinks) own, HOW can you love that which doesn’t truly love ? This particular stench is nerve wrecking –makes me unable to focus. Lacking melanin, equates to nonexistent love. The ability to produce a HUE(man) is love, sista and once you see that and stop going against your father you will love again. You won’t have… Read more »
Noir no matter what
Guest
Isis is nicest what a crock of bull. almost 90 % of Black children are being raised by a single mother. The majority of black me are so sirespectful to black women and have been for quite some time. They insist on us waiting around for that one black brother with his head on straight. Why should we be alone? Black me have never had any concern or sympathy towards a black woman at all. Maybe if we didn’t have so many responsibilities we could invest in ourselves like our white counterparts. Sisters here join a group or create one… Read more »
Nyadak
Guest
This remark ladies, is why we as black women, at least some of us will not get anywhere in life. Believe me I’ve lived — and one decision I made which i’m 95% positive of ( I will never marry a black man) Now that may change with the 5% missing up there. I’ve been raised in a household with “both Parents” and the things I’ve seen, and the reasoning made me make a conscious choice to don’t do it. These are some of the most delusional men on the planet, with nothing to offer but expecting the best of… Read more »
Dimples12553
Guest

I guess I am the opposite. I actually let my man wash and comb my hair. He is actually very gentle with it, more gentle than I am when it comes to doing my own hair. I guess it is because he does not want to hurt me. He likes to put my hair in huge sections so that he can oil it with the sheacoconut butter mix that I made for my hair. He has been doing it for some time now.

Kelsie91
Guest

This article is dumb and sad LOL.

GoldenAura
Guest

care to elaborate?

Ynl
Guest
My husband is Black & loves my natural hair. I’ve known him since age 11 so he’s seen my hair & me in every state. He mostly disliked my relaxed hair but he didn’t put emphasis on my hair styles, textures or hair rituals in the course of our daily life. I’ve been approached by men of other ethnicities but never dated &I believe when they’re attracted to us our hair is the last thing they care about. Men will be men no matter what& I think those who believe that Black men treat women worse have been involved with… Read more »
mercedesweems
Guest
my other half is scot/irish and indian and he loves my natural hair. he thinks its fascinating to watch me do it and likes to touch it after i have finished styling which of course im not always a fan of but i cant stand to see that hurt look he gets i love him for loving me through the transitioning i had and the journey to loving my curls. and yes it is a learning curve bc u have to explain what they dont understand it makes for interesting conversation and helps them to understand you just a bit… Read more »
TWA4now
Guest

Sometimes other races appreciate us and our hair more than we do. Some of the most hurtful and rude comments have come from my own black race. at the dentist, this Caucasian intern was genuinely curious about my ahir since the last time 6 months ago) had had straight hair and on this day I was wearing a wash and go. She had all types of questions and I smile and answered them all. Finally, she said, “I wish my hair did that” and that made all the questioning worth while. Have a HHJ!

alt-K
Guest

I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to shower with my hubby for fear of ruining my hair…maybe it’s just me, but I’d just not worry about the hair. You can do it [the hair] later 🙂 Jus sayin.

Alia
Guest
this is literally the story of my dating life! I’m also into white guys and from high school on when I had my first real interracial relationship, I spent so many times trying to disguise my high maintenance in regards to my hair. I can recount I had relaxed hair until a year ago when I went natural though in the past, I remember sleepovers where I wouldn’t wrap my hair up because I was embarrassed and wanted to look pretty asleep or cuddled up. I was a big advocate in letting one of my ex-dudes run his hands through… Read more »
frauwyler
Guest

The problem is rarely with the guys- my husband is really fascinated by my own/natural hair, he doesn’t really like weaves. For a long time I found myself trying to justify wanting/needing a weave and then I realised just how stupid my reasons were…since then I have made a decision to love my own hair, knots and all!
http://www.frauwyler.blogspot.com

Yoshi
Guest

I’m really lucky to be dating a guy who loooves playing with my natural hair. Personally I think I look best wearing a lace front but my boyfriend who’s white prefers my real hair/texture. I do refrain from tying it up at night because i want to look pretty when I“m sleeping and he loves playing with it when we’re in bed. Need to be more disciplined with that! As someone who’s newly natural, I’m really glad he loves my fro so much, it makes me appreciate the unique qualities of my natural hair more than I normally would.

Adrian
Guest

Poor thing. Doesn’t she realize the entire point of BEING natural is so you can experience sex in the shower, wonderful rain w/o running like a banshee, and your man playing in your curls. This sounds like a woman who has a perm/relaxer.

lightskinblackgirl
Guest
I have personally never dated a white guy, so this is just experience cessation I’ve had that had nothing to do with us being together. My problem with white men and women and my natural is that they want to touch it, ask is all this your hair, and talk about like your hair is defying whatever preconceived notion they have about it.if you like white men more power to you and thank you for more options of black men. If your mate loves your hair, but in arguments spouts out negativity towards it he doesn’t really love he is… Read more »
Tiffani
Guest
Hmm I’ve never missed the chance to kiss in the rain or have sex in the shower. Even when my hair was relaxed it’s just hair. I don’t think that has anything to do with being black or white but just how seriously you take your hair. I have 3C hair that is quite nappy, as in tangled. And I let my boyfriend play with all the time. He is NEVER permitted to run his fingers through it bc that’ll be a disaster but I let him pull my individual curls and “pat” my hair. My friends with weaves will… Read more »
Macintouch
Guest

My fiancé loves my hair texture, its secrets and he even helps me with it when i need extra hands. Hair has never been a problem in our ‘interracial’ relationship.
But it’s soooo true that so many Black men can be very judmental about natural style but there are the less aware of the subject.

Kinky Hair Love
Guest
My guy is white and older (but not American) and totally loves my natural hair, preferring a blow-out to protective styles because he loves the way it frames my face. He asks questions when he wants to know but i dont take offence because he asks about everything and i know he would ask if my hair was bone straight. Hes even learned to help me take care of it. I dont always tie my hair when im with him, but i dont always do it when im solo either. Ive dated 5 guys (2 white counting the current and… Read more »

Shopping Cart